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Also the Tuesday date didnt happen.
She sent me this on Monday:
“Look, you’re a good guy and I appreciate you wanting to see me again. But I decided I’m done with guys for a while. 2017 will be about focusing on me and I don’t want to make time for any guys. Every time i try i realize I’m not ready yet. Even the thought of it makes me uncomfortable.
So I won’t be seeing you tomorrow. And it won’t change if you decide to call me.
I wish you a happy new year and stay awesome.”
She often visits some of the pubs i go to so ill probably bump into her in the future. We’ll see where that leads to.
Thanks for the feedback Cartoox.
I dont use tinder regularly, prefer meeting women out during the day, but when i have downtime i play around on there and test out different openers haha.
Yeah my guess was a lack of escalation turned her off. Also i found out shes not over her ex so that may have played a factor. This one seemed fun but oh well. Move on to the next.
Have a good 2017 as well!February 20, 2015 at 7:08 am in reply to: What women really want – The science not the bullshit #72889
Woah what a heated thread lol. Very insightful having two interesting points of view.
What i assume from reading this is that Ryano is more of a ‘lets escalate and go for the bang each and every time’ kind of guy. I think you’ve mentioned before that you’re in a relationship. Did your methodology help you with that relationship or did you have to tweak it?
In my opinion, going for sex and escalating is great if thats all you want. But getting a quality girl that you’d want to have a LTR with would be hard using that mindset, no?
And for Lee. You’re 50 so i presume you’re more of ‘let’s qualify and challenge to see if she’s worthy of investing into and having a relationship with’ kind of guy. Even if you were single i doubt you’d be into one night stands now. You’d probably look for a girl with similar interests to spend time with and form a healthy relationship with. Back when you were in your 20’s, what mindset did you have?
Like if you wanted just to get laid (and thats all you wanted, no relationship, nothing) would you still use your same approach (ex. Asking if she read your favorite book or had other similar interests?) True, you may want to be selective with who you decide to penetrate but if sex is your only objective then does the other stuff matter?
I think thats the difference between you two. Both of your methods work but i assume you both want different outcomes which causes you to use different techniques.
i think being a challenge means behaving in a way that shows you’re not totally sold on her and having her invest/prove herself to you. Having this ‘buyer mentality’ where you’re this buyer who is screening and qualifying the shit out of her. She has to earn your attention and approval because you’re a selective badass male who has his choice of females. Don’t be easy to please.
I’d say this attitude is attained through a ton of things. Changing your mindset, being bold, less outcome independent, etc.
Having nice conversations gets you nowhere because theyre safe and show no balls. Theyre friendly and dont show your true intentions. Unless you wanna be friends of course.
“That sounds like a really serious job. But you’re not one of those girls that doesn’t know how to have fun are you?”
Yeah if you say that seriously and in a boring way it won’t work. But i doubt anyone would really say it like that unless they’re a huge bore. I think the above example challenges more so emotionally rather than intellectually. Her response would most likely relate to her having fun, being happy, talking about her hobbies. It could work if said with proper delivery and a nice smirk at the end.
Yeah they didnt end up hanging out on valentines day. From whats become, they’re apparently good friends and her and I are ‘more than friends’ whatever that means lol.
On another note, i finally got a date with her haha tomorrow ice skating will be fun.
Much thanks to all for the input along the way!
She also told me she was going to call my friend today and talk it out with him that all she wants from him is friendship lol. But to be honest i still feel like theres something between them even though she says there isnt
Ill also add this bit of info which was a bit intriguing.
Our conversation was very genuine and i told her that judging by her behavior (rejecting me, making excuses, playing hot and cold, etc) i assumed she wasnt into me. She agreed that she had rejected me a lot and commended my persistence haha.
She then said that she already developed very strong feelings for me but didn’t want to lead me and herself on as she didnt think anything would happen between us (relationship wise). Her reasoning was that shes religious and her belief on no sex before marriage wouldnt be compatible with my view. This thought caused her to purposely distance herself from me and reject me even though she liked me. Kinda interesting huh.
To be honest sex is quite important for me on solidifying a connection in any relationship. I told her that if she never gave our relationship a chance then she cant go assuming it wouldn’t work out. I also added that there are other ways around sex to get pleasure lol :p
now i guess i have to value either having a good emotional connection with someone without sex or just drop it the whole thing and continue the hunt to better things.
So things took an interesting turn now.
My buddy called me yesterday before my shift and told me that he had called her to arrange a hang out with her on Vday. They talked and she agreed to hang out. He asked her if she had feelings for me and she said yes. This upset him as he saw that she was playing both of us in a way. He also told her he really liked her (bad move imo). He said that if they hang out together, i might be upset. She said she’d talk to me about it.
Now we both begin our shift, everything seems fine and i was acting very happy but i couldn’t care less about what she was saying. She picked up on it and said i was acting weird. I told her i was fine and made a passing comment that ‘work was very peaceful when she was gone’ lol. She became upset and asked if i was happy not working with her last week. I said i had mixed emotions. We ended up deciding we’d discuss this after work.
After work she gets into my car to talk lol. We basically start making out right there. Eventually we start discussing things. She says she really likes me and i ask her if she has feelings for my friend to gauge if shes playing both of us. She says not at all and that all he is is a platonic friend. She says she has a lot of guy friends and thought that he wanted just to be friends haha.
In a way this is sort of comforting as it seems shes into me and friendzoned him but i still find it a little fishy.
@ryano btw i used your vday card idea. I printed off some stupidly cheesy valentines cards and gave them to her. She loved it. Thanks man
that last bit you wrote was exactly what i had in mind where I’d make out with her and see how far i can take it and then not bother with her lol. That would mess with her a lot haha
the vday card is an interesting idea. I think that and the above statement with not bothering with her after would be phenomenal
This whole thing bothered me a lot before but i already have some dates lined up with other girls so nbd.
Ill update tomorrow on what goes down for whoever is following this thread!
Awesome advice man i like the plan.
Yeah the flirting will definitely be on hard,shes extremely receptive to it and we always flirt like crazy.
The one thing that could be a problem is if she says no to the makeout like i said before and I cant try again after 10-20min because we always do it after work and she’d leave by then and go home.
Ill have to play it out through my shift so ‘no’ is not an option haha.
And i know my friend appears kinda like a dick right now but all is fair in love and war i guess. He also told me that he’ll being trying to get a date with her for vday and if she gives him an excuse or any sign of rejection he’ll stop pursuing her. So theres still potential for me but to be honest i dont think i want a relationship with her after this whole drama thing
Yeah i kind of thought about how she wont initiate the make out. She has one time though back in june but I think she was super horny then and i failed to capitalize on that and escalate haha.
But yeah i guess ill do that. Go for the make out, escalate and see where it goes after.
One thing though, if i initiate the make out and she says no amd makes a bullshit excuse what then? Drop the whole thing and act like nothing happened? Or then tell her that i know shes been playing my friend and myself.
I wasn’t planning on complaining. More like being honest with her and posing the question to her of where we stand, and where she and my friend stand.
I have discussed this with my friend and he said that if she initiates a make out with me then he’s done with her as he doesn’t want to be with a girl that’s playing two fields.
Hey just gonna briefly resurrect this post.
The girl is back from her trip and her and I are working a closing shift tomorrow. Whenever we would close together it would always end up with us making out after work.
Suggestions on how to play this one out?
I was thinking of going to make out with her and then after when we’re done, call her out for playing two fields with me and my friend. Or is that too mean? lol
Thanks for the advice man. Yeah its a little messed up because ive tried to get her before and asked/told her were hanging out outside of work and she’d always make excuses and we’d never actually hang out. So that was already a red flag questioning her attraction towards me.
And yes i agree sex is important and if i cant get it from her i shouldnt pursue. I guess working with her and constantly flirting and making out created that emotional connection for me as lame as that sounds. I think my expectation was that I’d ‘get the girl’ eventually, and now that expectation is threatened which is bothering me.
So basically end all contact with her and if she questions that say im busy? I guess since i work with her and see her a couple times a week, i should in a way ignore her, not initiate conversation, and not give her any sort of attention. This might help me distance myself from the drama but i think itll bother me knowing this is happening behind my back. Perhaps accepting the situation is the best bet and trying to move on.
I understand where you’re coming from backing away amd accepting that she’s not into me and being a normal coworker with her. That’ll save unnecessary drama and tension. But to be brutally honest thats easier said than done.
We’ve obviously had a thing together and she knows it as she still flirts hard with me. But backing off and acting normal while she plays these similar games with my friend i dont think i tolerate.
Yeah I’ve spoken to my friend about it and he told me that he’ll see where it goes with her and if it bothers me too much he’ll back off and cut it off with her.
Man I’ve never actually experienced such jealousy before lol its a horrible emotion.