Forum Replies Created
something to remember when the streets feel harsh on a particular day ……Thanks !
I’d agree with Eric , She likes you but She’s into someone else. At best, You are option 2.
The advice to ping her every couple of months is sound.
Not because you hope to get a date out of it, but because being in the loop makes it easier for her, when she is horny and looking for someone, to contact you without feeling too awkward about her long radio silence.
Other than that, I’d focus on any other action you are getting currently.
Lee’s answered that in the forum a long time ago, you may have to look for it.
Being honest doesn’t mean being tactless.
Have you actually been asked that question often ?
My observation is that most women I meet don’t ask it unless they plan on actually getting intimate that night or in the near future…..in which case I tell them honestly that I value my freedom and respect theirs….
I would not tell her you wish to get better at cold approaching women. That is your business and no concern of hers at this stage.
You shouldn’t be asking who else she is seeing or sleeping with either …..
Avoid discussing anything of this nature over text though. Too easy to be misunderstood.
On an another note, you won’t get better at cold approaching by hanging out with women in your social circle. But you will get much much better with women in your social circle, if you have experience meeting and escalating women from cold approach.
“Because action motivated by insecurity is weakness. Neediness.” – That one line right there captures it all …!!!
i was just thinking about this stuff , now that its year – end….last week went on a date with a girl that I’d met at the supermarket a few days before…..
at some point I realized….i wasn’t really into her…..why do this to myself – painfully go thru the date till its time to go home…. ?
an old admonition of Lee’s came back to mind – i dont recall the exact words but it went approximately :
“approaching is cheap….Dates are time consuming and expensive…..screen only for the women you really want to be with”
Thanks for the post & Merry Christmas Eric !
all the best for 2018 !
how old is she ?
her behaviour indicates immaturity and low self – esteem….
i would ignore her for a while….
eventually, if she is into you, she’ll either text first or sidle up to your roommates and try to figure out your current feelings towards her…..October 17, 2017 at 9:17 am in reply to: The All-or-Nothing Mentality Kills Your Chances with Women #73857
Very true, Eric
Even now, with all these years of approaching , I still feel it sometimes, especially on situations that I have not had much practice …
I’m currently working on frontal street stops….I’ve broken it down into a few steps…
The first step is to stay present, and look up ahead at what is walking towards me
The second step is to physically stop once I see something in the distance that could be interesting…
I notice an immediate and significant drop in my level of AA/nervousness once I stop first….
Still working on step 3 & 4 , will update on this forum once I get those down
ThanksJuly 20, 2017 at 8:10 am in reply to: New Article: How Many Women I Approach and My Success Rate #73797
Eric, that was fabulous !
Guys, I’m gonna quote something Eric wrote on the blog a long time ago :
“There is a natural tendency for guys to be self-protective. Women are used to guys who act on their fear all the time. They don’t make themselves vulnerable. It’s part of why online dating is so popular. There is much less risk for a guy to send an e-mail to a girl than to walk up to her and speak to her.
Taking risks requires a willingness to risk disapproval. There is no such thing as “just being” confident or courageous. Learning to be confident is something that comes from consistent focused intensity, small baby steps out of your shell of self-protection. You will get rejected, blown-out, embarrassed, humiliated and creeped-out on your path to confidence.
Are you willing to take that risk to be excellent with women? Are you willing to walk up to her and risk getting rejected? Are you willing to banter and have fun instead of being safe and boring?”……
Online dating in my town is mostly apps, tinder and the like….I have never used these and never will…
However I do keep in mind that every cute chick I meet now can get laid within an hour on these apps if she chooses to- this is very liberating in a way.
It means that the only thing I have to attract her, is my vibe and my game…. So that’s what I focus on……& it results in a very different experience with these girls…higher quality women actually enjoy it when a man takes the effort to escalate physically and engage them emotionally…..and since she is into me despite having the option of easy sex elsewhere, I figure I can push the set much harder and faster….
Going out often and approaching as part of my daily routine has made some forms of approach almost 2nd nature …..in particular girls walking in the same direction, girls stopped at cross walks, and women in bars and supermarkets….there is still a twinge sometimes , after all every girl is new, therefore unpredictable from a logical perspective , but in general daily practice and applying a philosophy based on what I learned from Eric and Lee works great for me….
I rarely get harsh blowouts anymore….and the girls that disdain me tend to be the less attractive ones…..The more attractive ones are usually more positively receptive.
The only use I have for Tinder is as a conversation piece
When I see a girl typing away on her mobile, I will use it as an opener sometime “ you look like you’re checking out your Tinder matches !” – say that with a wicked smile….
Hi Mr. A
Good to hear from you…
I feel it’s a fear of judgment thing…..as long as we’re not in a position to be judged by others – private situations – we’re fine…..but if there is a possibility of being judged negatively, ( according to conventional social “norms”) we get inhibited and start feeling weird ..
AA , at a deeper level, seems to be rooted in a lack of self-acceptance…..this shows up as a fear of judgment or fear of rejection….
When I see a girl that I should open but I don’t, I ask myself …Am I rejecting her – because I feel she isn’t attractive enough / the vibe isn’t there ,
or am I rejecting myself – because I feel I’m not good enough ….? This helps put things in perspective….
As I’ve worked on myself ( it never really ends does it ?) , my understanding of game has evolved…..I treat opening a girl as more of creating an opportunity for her to get to know me…..That’s our job as men…..to create and fashion the opportunity…
Here’s an interesting quote I read ( from Zan Perrion ) :
Sexuality without empathy, respect, charm, humor, listening = creep
Sexuality with empathy, respect, charm, humor, listening = real man
Like you, I’m in my 40s, but for some strange reason, this particular year I’ve had several 20 something girls come up and open me.…sometimes even on the streets ! – latest one happened this past Friday evening as I stepped out of the office building on to the street…so obviously age is not the issue for them
Attraction is not a choice….if you like them and they like you….go for it…..the only way to get past that fear of judgment is to literally go thru it….
I wouldn’t overthink it at this stage
Yes with parents around its always awkward….bet her mother asked her as soon as she returned who she was talking to….that’s just the way Moms are…..
Visit her on a not so busy night at the bar and you’ll have a clearer idea, whether there is genuine interest or she’s just being friendly
Eric – that is a genius insight ! yes, that was exactly it…..I felt inhibited, mostly because I like this girl more than usual…..
Ironically, the inhibition and Frozen ness caused me to pretty much ignore her the whole night and remain unreactive to her attempts to restart the flirting…
Thanks again !
@ marshall –she hasn’t been mean to me in any way so this isn’t that kind of situation….its more her programming taking over at the last moment… and now my fear making me inhibited and frozen….when a woman is genuinely mean to me, which is rare ( I’m talking about women with whom I have some sort of relationship already, not those who blow me out when I open them – we all have those…) ….I prefer to focus my energies on finding the next one……while its not always easy to find someone you have a natural chemistry with, there are a lot of really nice , good looking girls out there…..
good to hear from you
All sharing of experiences is welcome, we learn from it all….
most of us have moments of weakness, a residual of our social programming….particularly when it involves someone we have developed some level of attraction to….
Its good to have this forum to air the issue out and get our heads put right again if we’re moving towards the wrong path…
the idea of perceived value in a relationship – you might want to check out Sangremala’s post from a couple of years back, i think its called ” what to do ” & has brilliant input and insight from Lee…..
Thanks a lot for the reply….your advice is spot-on as always…..i shall do as you say, wait it out……
when i first met her, i felt she was playing a bit too much of a game and i deliberately did not take her number, to demonstrate i was willing to walk away despite the strong attraction….So it makes sense to keep up with that dynamic….
the guest girl was fairly attractive as well….so that worked out ok…
my lounge friend – not sure, but he’s never been very socially savvy so i wouldn’t bet on it…..
I shall keep the forum up dated on any developments related to this one..
thanks again for the great advice !
you’re right, way too quiet on this forum…!
Are you regularly using Tinder? I ask because it seems to have its own unique dynamics…
I don’t use it so I can’t claim any experience, but everyone that I know that uses it, male and female, all use it for quick sex or escalation leading to sex. usually on the first date itself or at max, the second date…So maybe ( this is just an opinion ) she was hoping you’d escalate quickly and get on with it….rather than have it turn into some kind of dating/relationship scenario….
alternatively she could have found someone else to hook up with , whose logistics are more convenient…..I doubt she would stop swiping on Tinder just because she matched with you….
Since you seem keen to give it another try & have set up a date with her , get her to come out to where you are or close to your place……that’ll indicate clearly her level of interest….if she wont come, I’d drop this one…..you going over means she has nothing to lose, having already told you she’s ready to drop it….
might be easier to keep swiping and see what else comes up…
My two cents…
good luck and have a great new year 2017!
Thanks, the details give a better picture…
Eric’s comments just about cover it all..
Just a thought here – Believing a girl is conservative is just that, a belief….if she likes you , she will make an effort to come over ( seeing as she lives at home and may not want to bring a guy over to see her parents ) .
More likely she’s not sure of whether she likes you enough or not, for whatever reason…..
If she’s not prepared to invest some time and a little effort, you know the answer…..
More generally, I believe it’s a guy’s job to approach, open , initiate and escalate.
It’s a girls job to decide how much she is prepared to escalate with him, and its her job to eventually suggest a more permanent relationship, not ours…..
Not sure about the dynamics of this situation ( not enough background info ) or what you are looking for ( LTR or quick action ) but in general, the effective way is to escalate as quickly as possible….see how far you can go on your next date…..if she stops you then most likely she (1) has another friend with benefits or (2) she’s getting action from dating apps like Tinder ( very common now with women under 30 ) …& so far you’re just extra…either way you’ll find out where you stand quickly …..