What to do?

[The_Hurricane]

You have to pop the question or let it go. Don’t delay. Telling her not to make plans while not actually making plans with her is wishy washy. Start the conversation with “you still want to do this valentine’s day thing? i have an idea”

–Lee

[sangremala]

Btw home run!!

[The_Hurricane]

Awesome! Master of the Game award.

[sangremala]

When I mentioned a Lie to her. I cancelled a date we were going on and said fuck this for lying. She responded:

Wow really? A Lie and keep things away from you? I would really love to know what you know that I don’t? I don’t need to lie to you! We’re not married or in a committed relationship. where I should even be a tad bit afraid to tell you anything

[MrAntiquity]

What’d she lie about?

You need to relax–it sounds like the instant things are starting to go well, you get really possessive or afraid something’s going to go wrong and then get upset with her over something pretty inconsequential.

She’s right–you guys aren’t an “item”. She should be honest with you and not make things up, sure–but she’s not obligated to tell you everything.

Just let things move along.

[sangremala]

I just feel like she’ll have me waiting for ever. Even though that would be my stupid choice.

[MrAntiquity]

what were you mad at her about though? was it actually anything important?

I dunno–even when things work out between you guys (e.g. Valentine’s Day) this thing between you and her has never sounded like a good interaction…I think if you guys are going to hook up, fine, hook up sometimes but recognize that for now, that’s all it is — you can call it casual dating– and you should both be free to (maybe quietly) also date other people while this going on. If she comes around later and says “ok, let’s give this a legitimate shot”, that’s one thing…but for now even when things work out you don’t trust either yourself or her, which isn’t healthy.

[sangremala]

Yes you’re right. Most of the time we know the answers and we just don’t want to face them. After that response it just triggered with me and made me realize ok cool were just casual dating or not committed. (I just didnt want to wait forever).

As far as the lie she had went to the movies with her son. She’s not a movie person so I asked who did you go with? She said with my son. So the other day I was hanging out with her son and he mentioned the movie. I was like was it good cause mom didnt like it. He says it was cool that he and Mommy’s friend liked it. I said Mommy’s friend? Ok.

So I asked her who you went to movies with? She said my son. Yeah but who else went? Then she goes with my friend. I was taking my son and he asked to go with us. I asked he? A male friend? She goes male or she whats the difference? A friend is a friend
Blah blah blah

So I remember before my failed trip I thought she had lied and Lee said to cancel the trip for lying and not to give explanations. So I thought it was the same advice and pulled Her collar on lying.

[MrAntiquity]

There’s a difference between lying and being evasive. She knows that you can get jealous/possessive (which is probably a turnoff to her) which is why she doesn’t feel comfortable or even safe being up front about her social life with other people. You guys aren’t exclusive, and you don’t own her–so it should be ok whoever the goes to the movies with–whether it’s her son, a female friend–or even a guy she’s fooling around with. But it’s no mystery why she’s keeping that part of her life away from you–but you’re giving her the third degree anyway. That’s what’s going to drive her away permanently.

Let her date. Don’t ask questions. You go out on dates too. Keep up the casual thing if you like–although you get WAY too invested in it so it’s prob. not a great idea. If it hurts you too much/you continue to be really jealous of what she may/may not be doing, then you should really get yourself out of the situation.

Ultimately you want exclusivity and she’s not there right now.

[The_Hurricane]

Have to agree with Mr. Antiquity. Sticking to a good game plan has given you a few second chances, but you keep sabotaging your own successes. You can’t make a woman more faithful to you by complaining about her behavior. You can only make yourself less attractive to her. The only way you can make a woman more faithful to you is to be The Man. You have to decide right now if you’re strong enough to stick with your game plan until she starts asking you for more commitment. During that time, she can do whatever she wants and you’re not allowed to complain about it, not even once. Eventually, you can decide if it’s taking too long. If it is, you can always end things. But you have to give it enough time for your game to work.

–Lee

[sangremala]

I think I got hit with shock value. If you guys see how I am with other women. You would wonder why I even bother with the forum. My Ego in this situation has been my worst enemy.

What I find peculiar (even though for sure she must be turned off now and then) All my outbursts through out the years and she’s still hangs in my life. (Whether she’s dating people or not).

So now what? (I made a promise to myself to hang tight but if I lose my mind on one more incident then I have to walk away.)

[The_Hurricane]

You know the drill. Pull back. Come back in slowly. Keep it light, flirty, fun, and no discussions.

–Lee

[sangremala]

Yeah I just need control again, especially since she knows she has it, Since we’re NOT exclusive because SHE is the one who hasn’t decided that smh. This will probably end up in shit anyway. Shouldnt be complicated but that’s probably why it has me reeled in.

[MrAntiquity]

sang–

Are you dating much otherwise, or just focusing your attention on her? If you the entire relationship is based on playing control games that’s not a very good relationship. I mean–the ideal situation is

1. You pull back
2. She pursues you again
3. (and here’s the kicker) You no longer feel threatened by whatever’s going on with her, so can continue with a mutual relationship if you guys both want one.

But your real issue isn’t about getting her under control–but yourself. Somehow you have to work on quieting down that obsessive streak–dating other people in the interim might help.

Maybe you’ll even end up liking one of them…

[sangremala]

Yeah I date and have a few on the sidelines, but my attention shifts to her. Weird honestly. Im not that young and should know better. All of Lee’s advice and the ones I pick and choose from you guys do work. Things are prolonged due to me screwing it up after. Definitly an obsessive behavior. Why? Who the hell knows. The other women Indate, look better, smarter and bring more to the table. Maybe it’s the challenge? I don’t know.

I follow the game plan and as soon it’s starts to work I screw it up. I guess because I feel if someone is real into you, then it shouldn’t be that complicated. like I stated earlier I don’t know how she hasn’t been turned off and still remains in the picture.

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