What to do?
November 19, 2014 at 2:44 pm #72341Marshall74Participant
Great read eitherway. Great way to learnDecember 19, 2014 at 11:45 am #72405
Hey how are you? It’s been a month and so much has happened. I am assuming I made errors or Maybe I got too happy, but Ill get to the point.
Since my last post, we have went on several dates as if we were a couple again. I really didn’t or don’t feel that she was doing her. One of these dates was prior to Thanksgiving. So we spoke about what we were doing. So she invited me over (To me that was a sign she wasn’t seeing anyone else or that she wanted to move forward). So I had said you know what? I’ll take care of all the food and just invite people over. Thanksgiving went well, everyone had fun and so did she. Her family loved me that I am good for her Blah blah (Yes I know some women dont want good.)
After we have went out had fun and she has let me get real close to her son to the point he would call me Dad bymistake. So to me all of this was showing me it was all about me and that she wanted to move forward.
Now if you recall I started this post because I felt I lost her and she was seeing someone else. He happened to text her one day asking about a friend of hers because they have mutual friends. He is Best friends with her Bestfriends Husband and he and her are going to be god Parents I their BFF child. So in other words this guy is always going to be in the picture. So Anyway, he texts her and she mentions this guy just text me, and I am like oh yeah? And she got into on how that was over, that it meant nothing, that it only lasted like 2-3 Months but since they all grew up together they stood cool. That he has always wanted to be with her and since she was single she gave it a shot. That she stopped seeing him because she didn’t want to waste her time with someone she didn’t want to be with that all he worried about was other women and she didn’t have time for that. (I should of acted that way right? Lol)
But for me not to be concerned because that relationship was nothing and meant nothing. That she walked away just fine. So I was more like ok whatever. Mind you I felt she was all giddy over him at the time and posting things that had to do with him on Instagram.
So anyway, after that we have been hanging out spending more time with each other and also with her son.
One day we went to one of my events and a friend of mine who is Egyptian said he was going to visit Egypt to see his family that we should come. So her and me looked at each other like it’s a great idea. After a few weeks of debating I booked a trip to Egypt for us which would be next week.
One day 2 weeks ago she posted a pic of her with the guys mom and aunts. So when I saw it I was like WTF. I thought that shit was over with. So I stood quiet about it. But she said they haven’t spoken. A Few days later he made a comment on her Instagram and made it obvious he had spoken to her earlier that day and my friends even text me if I saw the Instagam. So I questioned her on it. This was her response “It’s not like I’m still fucking with the him Smh. I’m not childish. I don’t need to keep negative energy because a guy feels the way he feels. Kill them with kindness. That’s me. Your more worried about what ppl have to say than the reality of it. It’s NOTHING!”
So then I sad Cmon you here hanging out and posting pics with his mom and aunts. She says “I’ve known them for over 20 years, his family are still good people. Even though they asked me to post it” So my attitude was whatever. To the point her mom called me to tell me that this is my opportunity to be with her especially since we’re both single and that I am killing everything with my insecure outburst (but I just have this gut feeling.
So anyway, I let it fly and we still hang out etc.. 2 days ago she wrote me this:
“Well here’s the thing… And pls don’t get mad bc it nothing. There’s a Christmas dinner tonight from 7-11 and I was asked by “his” sister to join her bc she has no one to go with. She tried her friend and her aunt but she’s sick. So I told her ok yesterday.” All I replied was cool like it didn’t bother me (by honestly that shit ate me up inside”
Yesterday (which was the next day) I went to suprise her for An early lunch at work. And I didn’t see her car. So I was about to call her but I had this Gut feeling. So I went to her house and her car wasn’t there. Then I text her for lunch and she says babe I didn’t go I got sick and I called out and just stood home. Home? Her car wasn’t even home (you already know what I was thinking) so Iam like iam by your house I’ll come over. She goes Im about to leave and get my son. So I was like im a few blocks away and she responded I left already. Obviously she is bullshitting or she would of pulled over from where ever she was at to see me really quick. To me she never came home. I saw her yesterday night and we had dinner. She knew I was bothered by something. I asked her how her night went and she down played it and brushed it off. So this is what’s been happening. I know I made a lot of mistakes but I guess I thought I was in the clear since everything was going so good. I am assuming she was spending it with him after all I have done and after numerous times she kept saying it was nothing.December 19, 2014 at 11:51 am #72406
Now we have this trip together to Egypt next week and I am feeling like a fool.December 19, 2014 at 8:45 pm #72407
Cancel everything. When she asks why, say for lying to me. Do not explain, no matter how much she asks. Tell her if you’re ever ready to talk to her again, the first thing you want to hear out of her mouth is the truth. Fuck the money. This trip will eat your soul. Take a month or more off. Zero contact. Start from the beginning. Again, a no commitment relationship. See other people, take her on great dates, make yourself scarce.
–LeeDecember 29, 2014 at 11:07 am #72440
Sooooo this is what happened. This whole situation seems weird and crazy or maybe it’s just me. We spoke about where she went she said she was at breakfast with her mom. Luckily for her my friend saw her there with her mom. She asked me why do I want to know? I said oh no just asking. I didn’t want to look like an ass and tell her that she tells me where she went because she is not my girlfriend and it will sound like she has to report to me.
So this is the crazy shit. We went away but we changed destinations and we went more tropical. Something in me felt that we shouldn’t go, after everything I’ve been through with her (which you have read) I felt it was too soon, I also hate tropical trips with one person because I get bored quickly but since I promised her a trip for Christmas I felt that I had too, the booking was complicated to do, prices kept changing, I had problems with my credit cards. So many things was stopping me from booking this trip. It could of been a sign. But I still booked the trip. She seemed happy and I seemed happy but I had this feeling in my gut. Mind you I have been on trip with a significant other before and I have never liked being in someone’s face all day, I usually like trips in groups, events etc…
So we go on the trip, after we landed we took a shower, and went to eat. We were there maybe an hour and I felt weird. That weird gut wrenching feeling in your stomache maybe mixed with butterflies who knows. She also mentioned That I might hate her at the end of this trip because she’s not used too going away so far with someone and that she gets anxious.
So as we started to eat. She admits and says listen I don’t know why but I feel awkward and weird but I don’t understand why? So I looked at her and responded that’s weird because I feel the same and I felt the same before we came. So she said how come you didn’t say something before the trip we could of postponed it. I said well I Just wanted to make you happy and I thought the feeling would go away but you should of told me too. She said she also thought the feeling would go away and not let me down especially after she saw how much I spent. So I said you want to fly back? And she goes let’s just wait and see.
So we went to a casino for a bit then went to sleep it off hoping to feel better in the morning. Keep in mind we haven’t slept together in this new situation , we’ve slept together in the summer and in the past etc.. But not yet since we linked up again. I think that would of been the ice breaker but after this weird feeling I didn’t even want to try and maybe that’s why it was awkward cause we never broke the ice.
The next morning I go to the gym and I felt a bit better but still awkward. She texts me that she is going to call the airline to fly out if I wanted to take advantage of the place or if I was also flying back. I thought wow damn her feelings about the trip didn’t change, and if I would of stood alone it would of been torture. So I said no I am flying back with you. I was kind of hurt but I felt understanding because I felt the same way as she did.
The flight back was in the afternoon, and it was currently early morning. So I said let’s explore this place before we leave. She was like sure. So we had breakfast and during breakfast she was future planning wth me for a trip that were suppose to take in June for a friends destination wedding (which is a group trip) so I figure everything is still fine as far as this relationship since she is future planning with me. We also agreed to continue our relationship where we left off as if the trip never happened.
So before the flight we go explore the area and I see that my stomache feeling was fading and she was with me laughing and joking and we were flirting a bit. The place was really nice. Then she said Cmon lets go get a drink so we went, we drank a bit, spoke, joked laughed and felt fine. In my head I thought we should of gave it that extra day or 2 but the new airline tickets were already booked and paid for that afternoon. I felt the damage was already done so let’s leave anyway .
On the way back home everything seemed normal like nothing had happened, we spoke, laughed etc… When we arrived back home. I dropped her off at her house and then I came home. The next morning which was yest. I text her and reassured that everything was fine that we should of communicated about the trip prior because we both felt a certain way but that we had great thoughts of christmas and we did have fun prior to the trip. To let’s continue from there and that the trip never happened.
Honestly I am unsure if this created damage or if the relationship is actually over. We seemed fine and I am willing to brush it off and continue but I am not sure if she actually feels the same or just said those things to be nice. Even though she is a blunt person and probably would of just ended it. It sucks because now she seems the dominant one on where this is going. Yes I just sounded like a bitch but I am being honest with you so you can properly analyze this situation.December 29, 2014 at 12:12 pm #72441
From the outside it does seem like you’re pandering to her a lot.
You bought her a holiday.She wants to leave early, you go with her. You text her afterwards telling her everything is ok. You seem more invested than she is.
I think you would have done better to stay in Egypt and let her go home. You would have parted on a high note, and she would have sat at home wondering what you were getting up to.
I’m sure Lee will chip in with some advice here, but it looks to me like you need to back off a bit till you are in control again. It also might be worth unfollowing her on Instagram – it seems to feed a lot of your insecurities with this girl.December 29, 2014 at 12:32 pm #72443
Yeah seems right. After my actions then I think about what I should or shouldn’t had done, my friends complain that I make decisions on emotions instead of thinking it out first. I regret texting her afterwards especially im not the one that did anything wrong.
I didn’t want to stay behind because I figured it would be torture just staying alone.December 29, 2014 at 1:42 pm #72444
First, you didn’t make it clear that you’re not sleeping with this girl. A romantic trip for two when you’re not sleeping together is already a big, big mistake.
Second, and more importantly, you’re back to that bad power dynamic that existed before you made up your mind to win her back: you’re the nice, sensitive, infinitely flexible guy. She knows she’s got you. She can have you any time. You’re not so sure you completely have her.
You should have cancelled this trip, not because you were sure that she cheated but because you should never go on a trip that starts with this power dynamic.
Now, you have to pull way the fuck back and start again. The longer you wait, the smaller your chances of success.
–LeeDecember 29, 2014 at 1:57 pm #72445
Dude, if you can’t have a good time in some amazing foreign country without her, then something is wrong. Take a step back for a sec. You are way too focused on this girl and that might be a big part of what is holding you back. Don’t make her the only thing in your world.December 29, 2014 at 3:26 pm #72446
Do you think this whole shit is dead?
Also she might invite me to her families house for NYE, should I just not go and say I have plans?December 29, 2014 at 3:43 pm #72447MrAntiquityParticipant
Skip NYE, @sangremala. Do your own thing.
Big trips either solidify or wreck all kinds of relationships (friendships too). If there were problems beforehand, a trip like that will just amplify them–that’s what happened here.
Things aren’t working out. The trip showed you that but you’re trying to un-see it.
You need to go away from this girl. Luke Lee was saying, spending pseudo-romantic occasions with her that aren’t actually romantic (big trips, New Years Eve) aren’t going to move things in the right direction–you’re going to end up hurting yourself more, is all.December 29, 2014 at 5:21 pm #72448
Definitely do not give up man. You were making progress. I think you’re still in a better place now than when you started. Just go back to being a challenge.
I agree with MrA – don’t go for the NYE idea. Stick to dates and try and get in her pants, otherwise you might end up in the friend zone.December 29, 2014 at 8:17 pm #72449
Lee, you meant the longer I wait to pull back the less chance of success?December 29, 2014 at 8:51 pm #72450
Correct. Pull back now. Wash, rinse, repeat. Go to the beginning. Make yourself scarce. Make the rare dates exciting and sexy with lots of time in between.
–LeeDecember 30, 2014 at 1:06 pm #72451
So should I have any contact with this girl? Last contact I had was the morning after we got back as I described. Which was on Sunday. 2 days ago.
Should I also tell her Happy New Years when it comes?
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