What to do?
October 15, 2014 at 1:45 pm #71948
Good! You are still where you want to be. Here is what you need to do. Show this girl a good time. Take her out. Have fun.
Don’t push for sex. If she is the initiator, you can do it. But don’t be the one who is expressing a need for sex. Presumably, you could be getting it elsewhere. She should feel like she’s teetering on the edge of your friend zone and is always in danger of falling in.
If she wants to talk about the other guy or her social life or your social life, tell her you’re not there yet. “Let’s not make this into a big melodrama. You have your private life and I have mine. I’m good with that for now. If we’re ever at a point where things need to be discussed, we’ll discuss them. But we’re not there yet.”
Don’t spend half the day with her. The dates should be a couple of hours long. Be the one to end them. Leave her wanting more. There should be big gaps between dates. A week and a half to two weeks at least. There should be several days between texts. Don’t respond to each of her texts. You don’t have time. You have other things going on. Disappear for three days at a time. When you do text back after disappearing, here is what you’re trying to convey: “hey. sorry, so busy. too many moving parts! not in a bad way, though :-)” Like that. A little mysterious, a little out of her reach.
This is what you’re trying to achieve: She has a lot of fun with you but you’re not around enough. You seem to have other things going on. She’s no longer in control of your emotions. You’re not needy. You’re not asking her to do anything. She wants more but can’t get it.
What do you want to eventually happen? You want her to come to you and ask for more. If you play this right, if you’re the source of fun and positive energy in her life, she will eventually ask for more. Don’t rush. This kind of reversal of the power dynamic takes time. Meanwhile, keep dating other people. Do not overinvest. Presumably, this is important enough to you to play it right.
–LeeOctober 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm #71950
Great man got it. Question, I know about the fun part and being excited. So should I also flirt hard like explained on this website? I know you said dont initiate sex.October 15, 2014 at 2:47 pm #71951
I would not initiate flirting. You can flirt back a bit but when she initiates but don’t overdo it. If you are flirting with her, it’s not really plausible that you may put her in the friend zone. So this really isn’t the time for it.
–LeeOctober 15, 2014 at 8:00 pm #71959
Her: Hey what are you doing?
30 Mins later
Me: Here rushing, getting ready
For a dinner.
Her: another date?
Me: Lets do this. Lets not get into convos about our personal lives, meaning people we are seeing or not, I know you have your private life but I don’t want this to turn into a soap opera again. This is just for now, I am good with that for now.
If we’re ever at a point where things need to be discussed, we’ll discuss them. But we’re not there yet.
Her:October 15, 2014 at 8:01 pm #71960
Her: Youre a Punk! But ok
I just dropped the convlOctober 15, 2014 at 8:02 pm #71961
Oh so when I do go out on this date? I dont kiss her on the lips or make out? She would want too.October 15, 2014 at 11:04 pm #71965
You can make out with her, sleep with her, whatever. As long as 1) you’re the one to end things, 2) don’t spend too much time with her, and 3) stay away from her long enough between dates to make her want more. She can’t have the same level of commitment from you while she’s seeing other people. She can have a little, but she can’t have it all. Don’t make your dates longer than two hours. What does that give you time to do? If it’s at your place, it gives you time to sleep with her, but not much else. Don’t let her sleep over. Don’t cuddle with her. Treat her like she’s a part time thing, which is exactly what she should be right now. Sex, yes. Affection, no. If you’re strong and show her a good time and she’s into you, she’ll eventually want more. That’s the plan. Don’t give away for free what she needs to make some compromises to get. Make sure she knows you’re dating other people. Don’t talk about it, but make sure she knows. “Busy Friday.” “What’re you doing?” “Just have some plans, that’s all.” If she pushes, just say, “Look, I don’t want to know everything you’re doing and I don’t want you to ask me about everything I’m doing. We were in that place once, but we’re not there anymore. Maybe we’ll be there again some day. Meanwhile, no means no. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. :-)”
–LeeOctober 18, 2014 at 2:38 am #72000
So yesterday, we went out to eat, stood out maybe an hour to hour and half, we talked, joked around, a lot of Banter, she kept asking me what I have been up to, I said just too many things to start. A girl called me, so I stepped out to talk to her, it was obvious it was another girl. When I came in, she was like damn well how many girls you talk too? I was like oh please lets not get into that.
Well she kind of ended it before me. Because the bill came and I paid it and she asked if I was ready? (she had to pick up her son from the sitter and get him ready for bed.) I was pissed that she beat me to the punch.
She also reminisced twice about the last time we had sex, I assume because I was very aggressive. So then we walked outside, we kissed and she went in her car and I left in mine.October 18, 2014 at 2:59 am #72001
Nothing wrong with that one. You did everything you could. Now, just sit tight. This is going to take time, but you’re on the right track, exercising discipline and not making it too easy for her. Plan something really good for you two to do a few weeks in advance then invite her out. Always leave plenty of time between dates. Don’t banter between dates. Always show her a great time, but never give her quite enough of it.
–LeeOctober 18, 2014 at 3:23 am #72002
Cool got it, but let her know I guess in about 3 days or so correct? Since I already saw her yest?October 18, 2014 at 3:30 am #72004
Yes, that’s fine. But make the date no less than two weeks from when you last saw her.
–LeeNovember 3, 2014 at 12:39 pm #72208
So ive been doing everything as instructed. Her interest is there (how deep who knows) we are going out this weekend, and I did ignore her text. Now question, me not responding to her texts wouldnt that kick her Ego in and stop her from texting me, hello, good morning or whatevwr showing she gives a shit or no?November 3, 2014 at 7:02 pm #72211
Yes, she might stop. But that’s ok. The main thing to establish is that you’re not going back to the old ways. You’re not available for her every time she wants some validation of your interest. You have your own life, a life you don’t care to talk about with her. You have to be just out of her reach. If that means she stops texting you meaningless little texts, so be it. Most of those texts are just the way women make sure that they’re still in charge, so don’t play by her rules. On this upcoming date, no discussion of future dates, disappear for a while, then plan something cool again. Every date, something cool, something interesting. A long time between dates. Very little communication. Play this long enough and that’s your best chance of getting her to ask for more.
–LeeNovember 3, 2014 at 8:54 pm #72212
Cool got it.
And am I expecting her for one day to ask for more or is this something she would just keep to herself and I would just sense it? (She has a big ego IMO)November 3, 2014 at 10:29 pm #72213
You are expecting her to ask for more. It doesn’t have to be one talk. It could be a series of smaller attempts to talk it out. She might say something like “I don’t see you enough. We should…” Like that. Under no circumstances should you initiate that conversation. Your response should be “This is the right amount of time for us to see each other given that we also have other things going on, parts of our lives that we don’t share with each other.” You want her to bring up the fact that she has nothing going on and that she doesn’t want you to have anything going on either. If you bring it up, you’re right back to where you were before, trying to reason with a woman to give you what you want, instead of waiting until that becomes her choice. I highly recommend that you keep seeing other people, too, so this isn’t just you talking. If her interest in you is not strong enough for her to overcome whatever sense of pride keeps her from having that conversation, so be it. You will forever be chasing this women. But if she’s into you, I highly doubt this will be the outcome. You want to be the girl and start the conversation about commitment? You will lose whatever attraction all of this good game has repaired.
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