What to do?

[The_Hurricane]

Don’t respond. Wait a full month. Any contact you have with her now will only make it worse for you.

–Lee

[sangremala]

Ok cool
Got it

[The_Hurricane]

When you come back into her life, it should be fun. No deep conversations. No accusations. No baring of your innermost feelings. No demand for promises. You’re a new man. You’ve learned your lesson. Later, as you get closer and your aspirations for the future are more aligned, you’re allowed to open up more. Until then, she’s just another source of fun to you. Without you saying so, it should be obvious to her that there may be others. If she asks, you smile and refuse to talk about it. “We’re not there yet. This is a new start for us. Let’s just enjoy and see where it goes.” Reestablish attraction, then get closer, but not until then.

–Lee

[sangremala]

Great and thank you, hopefully its not dead yet. Guess time will tell. I know shes been spending a lot of time with dude.

[sangremala]

Damn, you guys really know your shit!

Well it hasnt been a month yet, I say 2-3 weeks and today she starts following me on instagram and she text me to say Hi and how I was doing and that hopefully it was ok that shes following me on instagram LOL (I havent responded)

[The_Hurricane]

You’re allowed to give her a little bit back. The idea is not to convince her that you’re pissed. The idea is to convince her that you’re moving on with your life and it doesn’t matter what she does. She initiated. She asked if it’s ok. You can respond “:-) absolutely” Then drop off again. She might write more. Don’t write back. Let another couple of weeks go by.

–Lee

[sangremala]

Her initial text:
Hey! Hope everything is good. I hope it’s ok that I’m following u on ig. Yesterday my phone died til it completely shut off. When
It came on 3 text messages from U came through. Thank you for award being concerned and caring. (BTW I Never sent her a text)

Me: Hey big head, thats weird I don’t remember texting, but I am glad you guys are doing fine 🙂

Her: Hey. Gm. Yeah they said sept dates. Idk. Yes everything is good. Hope all is well with u.

Me: I didnt respond

Her: Oh. I started following u on ig. I hope that’s ok. And you can always follow back 😉

Me: I didnt respond

[The_Hurricane]

Yep, all good. Now wait.

–Lee

[zhelyazko]

Lee is an evil dude who knows some dangerous stuff 😀

[sangremala]

So she hit me up yesterday and today, yesterday to tell me that she saw me with my other ex shopping (I guess fishing for info).

Then today, we was talking about work, I was actually coming from a date which I didnt care to admit. So she made comments like I should of taken her out instead and flirtting blah blah blah

My friend saw her ealier and said hi to her, and she was driving the other guys car. So he asked her if her original car was ok and her response was fuck it, I rather put the mileage on his car.

So now im assuming she might of noticed the grass was not greener on the other side or that he is doing him so she is probably like fuck it, I will do me etc.. So I feel theyre not in a commited relationship because of his choice not hers. So my question is, should it bother me that shes contacting me just because hes not giving her exactly what she wants? Cause now I look like a back up plan, Or if he did give her what she wanted then she wouldnt of bothered contacting me.

[sangremala]

Btw 2nd question: I read this on this website “Now, this doesn’t mean you should be completely blind to signs of other guys on the horizon. Maybe she talks about hanging out with other guys but is really into you when she sees you. That can be a problem too.
But the correct response to this isn’t to show irritation, or to show any type of emotion at all. The correct response is to pull her back in until she is completely focused on you.
She should be scared to death of talking about other guys around you, not because you’ll get upset, but because she doesn’t want to lose you. When she’s completely and utterly in love with you, she’ll be extremely hesitant to talk about other guys around you because she doesn’t want to push you away.”

Question, how will she be afraid to mention other guys, if I am suppose to act cool about it, as if it didnt bother me?

[The_Hurricane]

What happened to the plan of ignoring her for another week and taking the lead in contacting her on your terms? She initiated contact and you responded?

–Lee

[sangremala]

Yeah, cause she initiated.
And keeps initiating.

[The_Hurricane]

I’m not happy with this turn of events. I told you to ignore her if she wrote to you. You were on the right track. You were in charge of when the two of you would reconnect, and now she’s in charge. Did you at least manage to stick to the plan regarding the things that you’d discuss? Nothing heavy? No relationships talk? Nothing about the two of you or who you’re seeing? Or are you falling into the trap of showing that you’re still heavily invested? Does she see you as the fun, light hearted guy with a new romantic life that you don’t care to discuss? Or does she know exactly where you are and what’s going on with you?

–Lee

[sangremala]

Oh I misunderstood. I thought you meant only if she initiated. No no heavy convo, a few
Banters, jokes, maybe 4-5 texts. She knows I am dating other people because I ended the text short because I was out for dinner. She was opening the door om discussing her situation but I ended the convo prior.

[Author]

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