"Too busy"

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  sn 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #73628

    equilibrium48
    Participant

    Hey guys looks like the forums dead but worth a shot. Always found this community super supportive and helpful, sending appreciation your way.

    Need an opinion. Met this girl off tinder lol. Seems like a quality girl. Two dates already, just drinks and chat, no makeout as both dates were cut short because of our hectic schedules. Instantly replies to texts but never initiates. Says shes interested and wants to hangout.

    However today i get this:

    “Hey! I’m thinking that I changed my mind about what I told you before. As in, I’m not looking for anything serious right now because school starts again next week and I know I won’t have time for anything consistent. You live far and I’ve been talking to other guys and it’s just overwhelming and I don’t think I want anything with anyone. Just want to spend time with friends whenever I can and I won’t have time for dating. So I don’t want to waste your time if I likely won’t be seeing you much starting next week πŸ™ i think that you’re great and fun to hang with, but I won’t be able to keep seeing you once school starts. I thought I’d be ready to date someone by winter break but it’s not the case”.

    I gave her a call today and we talked and she was surprised i didnt get turned off. We have another date next Tuesday.

    Still salvageable? Or let it go?

    Thanks (if anyone replies haha).

    Cheers.

    #73629

    Cartoox
    Participant

    Hey….
    you’re right, way too quiet on this forum…!

    Are you regularly using Tinder? I ask because it seems to have its own unique dynamics…

    I don’t use it so I can’t claim any experience, but everyone that I know that uses it, male and female, all use it for quick sex or escalation leading to sex. usually on the first date itself or at max, the second date…So maybe ( this is just an opinion ) she was hoping you’d escalate quickly and get on with it….rather than have it turn into some kind of dating/relationship scenario….
    alternatively she could have found someone else to hook up with , whose logistics are more convenient…..I doubt she would stop swiping on Tinder just because she matched with you….

    Since you seem keen to give it another try & have set up a date with her , get her to come out to where you are or close to your place……that’ll indicate clearly her level of interest….if she wont come, I’d drop this one…..you going over means she has nothing to lose, having already told you she’s ready to drop it….

    might be easier to keep swiping and see what else comes up…

    My two cents…

    good luck and have a great new year 2017!

    #73637

    equilibrium48
    Participant

    Thanks for the feedback Cartoox.

    I dont use tinder regularly, prefer meeting women out during the day, but when i have downtime i play around on there and test out different openers haha.

    Yeah my guess was a lack of escalation turned her off. Also i found out shes not over her ex so that may have played a factor. This one seemed fun but oh well. Move on to the next.

    Have a good 2017 as well!

    #73638

    equilibrium48
    Participant

    Also the Tuesday date didnt happen.

    She sent me this on Monday:

    “Look, you’re a good guy and I appreciate you wanting to see me again. But I decided I’m done with guys for a while. 2017 will be about focusing on me and I don’t want to make time for any guys. Every time i try i realize I’m not ready yet. Even the thought of it makes me uncomfortable.
    So I won’t be seeing you tomorrow. And it won’t change if you decide to call me.
    I wish you a happy new year and stay awesome.”

    She often visits some of the pubs i go to so ill probably bump into her in the future. We’ll see where that leads to.

    #73646

    sn
    Participant

    If I were you…

    I would not ask her out again and go on with my life. But I wouldn’t stop trying either. Maybe a few weeks down the road or maybe a month go by then try pinging her again. She might be in a different position, had forgotten about you and now she remembered you again, and because some time has gone by, she might be okay to seeing you again (esp if she still hasn’t found someone else). If you get her out again, escalate escalate! plan out your date thoroughly to where you can get her in bed. After sex (if you get to that point) don’t act any different and still treat her how you were, but maybe a little nicer? Try to connect with her and have her invest in you. After that, when I feel like the girl has invested a decent amount of her time into me, I will push her away, slow texting, shorter messages, etc. The girls I’ve met at this point begin to wonder about me more and more. I am more in control at this point and from there I decide whether she’s a girl I just want to have sex with or something more. Good luck! Hope you’ll see this message some day!

    And yes I do really miss this forum! I was here during my early days and learned so much from Eric and his site. I hope it comes back because these guys are truly helpful! πŸ™‚

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