Three questions

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  • #74208
    hfwtwtfh
    Participant

    Eric,

    Thanks for your awesome book!

    Do you recommend people to go through the full Six Step program before joining a weekend bootcamp?

    Do you have any recommendation for bootcamps to do (ideally in Europe)?

    Any plans to start doing Skype consultations again?

    #74209
    Eric Disco
    Keymaster

    > Do you recommend people to go through the full Six Step program before joining a weekend bootcamp?

    Yes. Absolutely. I used to teach boot camps and stopped teaching them because 90% of the guys there were just trying to get over their approach anxiety. And then when they left the boot camp they were back to square one. All their anxiety came back.

    Boot camps are good for two things: 1) to show you what is possible. You get to see guys do what you never thought was possible. 2) To learn new skills and improve on your skills.

    A boot camp will be a thousand times more productive if you can already do some approaching. That way they can tell you how to do things differently. If you have a ton of anxiety when you do the bootcamp, you won’t learn very much. Your brain pretty much shuts down when you have anxiety. But if you have already been out approaching, you’ll probably pick up some good things if they guys know what they’re doing.

    > Do you have any recommendation for bootcamps to do (ideally in Europe)?

    I don’t. I’m just not on the scene right now when it comes to boot camps.

    > Any plans to start doing Skype consultations again?

    I might start again in a few months. I do enjoy coaching. Just wanted to step back and take a break from it.

    Eric

    #74211
    Cartoox
    Participant

    I agree with Eric 100% on the bootcamps.

    The European ones are mostly just marketing by PUA companies ……
    The question is, do you have a lot of European women in your town ? If not, then spending time and money on a weekend bootcamp in Europe is of very limited use except for the tourism value….
    Different culture, different city layout [old European cities are often pedestrian friendly, whereas in the US its mostly a car culture and layout]…..
    Your AA plus the language barrier means that you wont actually do much…..
    If you’re going for the anonymity thing, then a different city in the US might serve your purposes better…..say NYC, which has a lot of attractive, single women….

    Eric is right….work on the AA…..

    That takes a very long time …….its a rabbit hole of personal development……

    Once you got that under some level of control, techniques and opening lines come easy…..and will feel natural because they will be congruent with your personality and world-view….

    #74216
    hfwtwtfh
    Participant

    Thanks for the feedback, Eric. Then I’ll continue with the program before considering doing a boot camp. I just progressed to Step 2 today. It was a bit challenging, as I felt the fear of looking like a creep, which probably means that I’m expanding my comfort zone. Tomorrow, it’ll hopefully feel a bit more natural.

    Cartoox: I live in Europe, which is why I asked for boot camps here. I would love to do a boot camp in the US, but I don’t know when I’ll be able to travel over seas again. Did you go through the six step program yourself?

    #74217
    hfwtwtfh
    Participant

    One more thing, Eric: is reviewing your book on Amazon the only way to get ahold of the audio files these days?

    #74219
    Cartoox
    Participant

    oops – my apologies then, I thought you were based in the US……

    I got coaching from Eric ( and Lee) in NYC a few years ago…..changed my game completely so I would highly recommend it….

    #74424
    baresa
    Participant

    Hi Eric,

    I stumbled upon this post (I know it’s old) and it resonates a lot with me. I myself did a boot camp in Europe without having any approach experience AT ALL and like you predicted I fell back to square 1 the day the boot camp ended.

    For me personally, I did maybe 50 approaches during the boot camp and I was very happy seeing what was possible – I was proud. But when I came home I also felt that I had been conditioned by the very specific city and the park we were day gaming in. It had become a safe haven for me where it was comfortable for me to approach and I trusted the coaches to do the pre-selection for me. Towards the end of the boot camp I felt more and more confident and could approach without the aid of a coach. That was all gone when I came home to my own city. I concluded that 50 approaches was not enough to become self driven and I needed maybe another 50 to be on my own in my own city. But I never took a 2nd boot camp – it was VERY expensive.

    My boot camp group consisted of maybe 50% guys like me and 50% guys who have had sex with 100-200 girls already and who wanted to become better, be more efficient, get hotter girls etc etc. I realized that these boot camps are ideal for the experienced guys.

    If I combine your information in your post with another post where you made an analogy in terms of having a fear of heights, I would like to know more about the “mechanics” of approaching.

    See, I have read several times that PUAs, boot camp coaches etc who have approached 1000s of girls report that they get rusty if they don’t approach at all for several months. They have to keep up the momentum all the time. If they take a break for 6 months, they will often have to do some social freedom exercises to get in the mood again. So I question what is going on here? If you have climbed the Eiffel tower 1000 times you should not be afraid anymore or if you have approached 1000 girls you should be SO desensitized that approaching feels like pooping or drinking a beer = the most normal common thing to do in the world where your subconscious mind has been reprogrammed.

    Now you say if your exposure therapy process is TOO brutal you will always fall back again. But if you do GENTLE exposure therapy you will arrive at your goal slowly but steadily. Can you elaborate on that?

    99% of all PUAs, dating sites, approach sites, daygame sites, youtube videos say “you just have to do it=fake it till you make it”. And it is SO tempting for inexperienced guys to see men effortlessly approach hot girls and get a number/date within 3 minutes. You, Eric, seem to be the only one who goes against that belief.

    baresa

    #74425
    SomeguyUK
    Participant

    You’re not asking for my input, but I’m gonna chime in again anyway.

    It looks impressive but really, getting a phone number is nothing. Girls give fake numbers out all the time, or give their real numbers with no intention of replying. The real achievement is actually getting a girl on a date from a 5-minute conversation on the street – and that’s way harder.

    It’s also worth remembering that Approach anxiety is not logical. It’s totally instinctual, some kind of primitive self-protection mechanism. It can’t be completely ‘cured’ because our survival instincts are hard-wired.

    So trying to understand the anxiety doesn’t help. Analyzing it or questioning it doesn’t help.

    The only thing that helps is desensitising yourself consistently, step-by-step in the way Eric lays out. And then keeping up the habit. (And perhaps also going out with a friend and seeing them do it – but you still need to be able to practice alone.)

    #74429
    Eric Disco
    Keymaster

    To me, an analogy would be getting into shape physically. At first you’re overweight. You can barely run 2 miles. You get into shape. You lose a ton of weight and gain a lot of muscle. You can run ten miles now. At this point, you can still get out of shape. If you sit on a couch for an entire year and eat donuts, you may get back to the same place you were before you started exercising.

    But instead, if you take a break from pushing things hard, but still flirt with women once in a while, take opportunities to act like a leader, challenge yourself socially other ways, etc., it won’t be that hard to get back into shape. You’ll be rusty and it might take some work to get back into shape, but it probably won’t be as hard as the first time you did it. You know your body. You know you can do it. You’ve exercised those muscles before, it just takes a few weeks/months to get back there, depending on how long and far you’ve been out of the game.

    And there are some guys who are socially very capable without even trying, just like there are some athletes who can do things no one else can do. Some guys can approach women without being “in shape.” Some guys are out there really killin it, so I don’t think it’s fair to say all PUA’s are X.

    I take breaks from going out and meeting women. Sometimes I need a break. Sometimes I need to clear my head and focus on other things in my life, challenge myself in other ways. There’s more to life than women, as exciting as it is. Man cannot live on women alone.

    Eric

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