Taking Action (Mechanics)
October 29, 2017 at 12:47 am #73858
My phone died — I had been in meetings all day. When I get home, she’s already hanging with my friends downstairs… hammered.
We were both looking forward to the night since it was our first meeting in weeks. But, firsts things first – I had to get this suit off.
I chat with her for a few minutes, then head upstairs to change. She follows me. I use it as an opportunity to build some tension.
“Only if you let me do the same” I say, as I allow her to stick around with faux reluctance.
She gets a phone call from her friend downstairs. “We have 30 seconds to get to our uber!!!” she tells me.
Uber? We never discussed ubering anywhere in our plans.
“I thought were pre-gaming here,” I tell her.
“We gotta goooo” she squeals.
“Just give me the address. We can all meet up later.” I walk into the bathroom to grab a comb.
BANG. The doors slams. She’s gone… and so is my phone.
Some mutual friends get it back 2 hours later, but my night is already upside down.
“Hey, that wasn’t cool” I text her as I finally go out.
“I’m so sorry!!!” she texts me in the wee hours of the morning, but I don’t care. I’ve found someone else to enjoy my night with.
There’s been interest brewing between us for months. But I hate excessive drunkenness, let alone getting my items messed with. Or 5 consecutive texts asking me to pregame while my phone was dead.
So I go silent.
While I let things rest, I thought I’d use this scenario to start a discussion on some mechanics.
– Is it necessary that she initiates the next convo?
– What if I decide to take at least X days off and she reaches out within that time frame. Should I still respond? Be short?
– Once I feel like talking again, should I elaborate on why I reacted the way I did? What if she asks why? Should I downplay it and just change the subject?
– Is there any limit to how long you can use space and silence before women start catching on and predicting it?October 29, 2017 at 6:43 pm #73859Eric DiscoKeymaster
Please provide some more context here. Do the two of you live together? If not, why was she at your place when you got home? Did she steal your phone and leave without you? What kind of relationship do you have?
Is it necessary that she initiates the next convo?
It’s almost always better if she does but there are a few cases where you may want to. But as a rule, yes, she should initiate.
What if I decide to take at least X days off and she reaches out within that time frame. Should I still respond? Be short?
If her behavior was egregious and then she contacts me too soon, I will take a longer time to respond to her, like 12 hours, or maybe not at all. This all depends on how egregious her behavior was.
Once I feel like talking again, should I elaborate on why I reacted the way I did? What if she asks why? Should I downplay it and just change the subject?
Sometimes you need to explicitly communicate in some way that it is her behavior that you are responding to. For example, if she gets angry at you for no reason, you could respond with, “I don’t communicate with people that way.” Typically though, if you respond immediately, she will get a pretty good idea that it was the last thing she did that was problematic. If she said she would text you that night and then doesn’t you can wait a very long time to return her text the next day. She’ll know why.
Is there any limit to how long you can use space and silence before women start catching on and predicting it?
There is no limit. You want her to catch on, that way she’ll stop doing it. You aren’t playing a game here. It’s real. You are distancing yourself from her when she acts inappropriately. You are taking away the prize: yourself.
She won’t be able to predict it because every time she does the same thing wrong, her punish should be more severe. Let’s say a week later she says she’ll text you again and then doesn’t, I would put her on ice for a lot longer.October 30, 2017 at 12:58 am #73860
We don’t live together.
She comes to town every once in a while for work / visiting. We have a lot of mutual friends.
She’s acquainted with my housemates — hence why she was able to come over before I was home.
There has been interest between us for a few months. Yet, the physical distance, along with her shyness (she grew up being very sheltered) and work schedule has limited the speed at which I can escalate things.
And yes, she did “steal” my phone and leave without me.November 2, 2017 at 9:02 am #73861CartooxParticipant
how old is she ?
her behaviour indicates immaturity and low self – esteem….
i would ignore her for a while….
eventually, if she is into you, she’ll either text first or sidle up to your roommates and try to figure out your current feelings towards her…..November 22, 2017 at 1:41 am #73895
She’s in her early twenties.
She grew up very sheltered and is just beginning to figure out how to balance a demanding job with relationships, etc.
She apologized a second time. We have spoken a few times since, but nothing extensive. She mostly reaches out when she’s drunk.
I’ve got better things (and people) to deal with.
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