Take power back
May 12, 2013 at 6:07 pm #66907-Humz-Participant
I thought once I’m in a relationship with a girl, we’d both drop the bullshit games. I never realized that running ‘game’ should never stop. Ever. Which is kinda sad.
It’s all a power struggle. But I’m a bit confused and maybe you guys can help me understand.
I’m going out with this girl and she says and does some fucked up shit. I don’t know how to handle them. On one hand, I don’t want to get mad cause she’s looking for a reaction. it’s why she’s doing it. And I don’t want to let them slide (it’s what I’m doing at the time), cause they piss me off so much.
Here’s what she said/did:
1) She tells me she went out with this one guy before she met me. And now he’s asking to see her for coffee one on one. She said they’re “just friends” now, and asked if she can meet him. I asked her “did you tell him you’re going out with me?”. she said no. why the fuck is she asking me then? *shit test* I told her “I have no problem with you having ‘guy-friends’ as long as they know you’re going out with me. You can meet him if you’d like, but we’re not gonna be together when that happens.”
2) She doesn’t want to go ‘public’. What she means is she doesn’t want PDA. That’s fine, I don’t want that either. But the other night, we were with her 2 girl-friends and one of them asked if she can take a picture of us. I put my hand around her to pull her close and she pushes my hand off (very aggressively). I’ve had her naked, on her bed, ready to have sex (that’s another fucked up story), but we never did. “I’m never touching you ever again” I told her.
3) She grabs my phone, and she started going through my texts with people (I usually would mind, but I didn’t give a shit at the time). She goes to one text of a girl I met before her and we’ve only had one text exchange back and forth. I asked that girl for coffee but never happened. This girl I’m dating types “hey” and sends it to her. Wow, I trusted her not to do that shit. I let her read my texts. What the fuck did she expect to happen. Then goes to another girl (this one I haven’t seen in 2 years but she wanted to grab coffee while I’m dating my girl) and types “bitch leave me alone” but doesn’t send it. Are you fucking kidding me..
4) We haven’t had sex yet. she kept repeating ‘I don’t want to have sex, I’m not ready’ on separate occasions and that she’s a virgin (at 22). But I’ve had her naked and was ready to go in on two occasions (she was turned on, wet and ready) but I felt so fucking bad cause after every time we go to third base, she calls me and says “I feel like shit for doing what we did, we shouldn’t do that”. She’s making me feel like I’m doing something she doesn’t want to do when she’s all moaning and having the time of her life while we’re doing what we’re doing. This just makes me not want to touch her again.
5) When we’re fooling around. She almost always cums (or gets really close). But when I tell her to do something for me, whether it is a bj or hj until I cum, she says “I’m not doing that, and if you’re not happy we can break-up”. Okay, I guess it’s my mistake for letting shit slide.. up until the point where she thinks she can talk to me like this. I pride myself on not letting people talk to me this way and I’ll make sure she pays for what she said and how she said it.
6) This was yesterday. She texts me at midnight asking if I’m gonna be up to talk on skype. I said “I’m up now”. She responded with “no I can’t now, let’s do it in an hour or so”. I say “idk if i’ll be up in an hour, I’m actually half asleep now” she says “okay bye”. I’m thinking wow. holy shit. I must’ve really fucked up to let her talk to me this way. I said “We can talk tomorrow, goodnight”. She says she couldn’t talk tomorrow night cause of early work the next day. And I said “we can talk on the phone or text it’s no problem. or you can come online now”. She said “It’s not that important to talk so whatever”. Then I just told her “okay. Well I’m going to sleep. gnight”. She didn’t respond.
All my friends are saying I should just leave this girl. And that ‘she’s psycho’. I just think that I need to put her in her place. What do you guys think?
HumzMay 13, 2013 at 12:14 am #66909
I never realized that running ‘game’ should never stop. Ever. Which is kinda sad.
Well it can stop. Or at least after a while it’s not so much of a power struggle most of the time. Once things are ‘normal’ you don’t really need to do a whole lot. Every once in a while after that you’ll need to step up and keep things in line.
asked if she can meet him.
The fact that she asked in the first place is a big red flag. The problem, with all of these things, is that she’s not afraid to piss you off. In fact, she’s actively trying to. She should be very afraid to piss you off. The fact that she’s not means that you haven’t shown her yet that you’re willing to leave her if she misbehaves. You’ve already demonstrated on multiple instances, probably more times than you’ve listed here, that you are willing to stick with her even though she pulls bullshit like this. Many times over you should have already said to her, “There’s the door” and let her walk out if she got up and left. The wrong response to her asking this is what you did. If she were asking out of consideration for you, it would be a different story. But she wasn’t. She was asking to piss you off. So your correct response would be, “There’s the door.” Or even better, “Have fun. I gotta go do some stuff,” and you walked out the door on her.
I put my hand around her to pull her close and she pushes my hand off (very aggressively).
Terrible. This probably indicates that not only is she super disrespectful of you, but I almost guarantee that she is seeing someone else, probably seriously. I guarantee it.
She grabs my phone, and she started going through my texts with people (I usually would mind, but I didn’t give a shit at the time).
Yeah, you don’t give a shit every time when it comes to her. This girl gets a free pass with everything. You’re blinded right now. Let me be the first person to tell you. Or the fifth. Or the twelfth.
“I’m not doing that, and if you’re not happy we can break-up”.
“There’s the door.”
She texts me at midnight asking if I’m gonna be up to talk on skype. I said “I’m up now”. She responded with “no I can’t now, let’s do it in an hour or so”.
The correct response here was definitely no response. She fucked with you. Bad. She knew you were probably asleep. Got you awake. Got you to say okay let’s do it. And then said that she can’t. Wow. I would have not talked to her for a while. But then you said…
“idk if i’ll be up in an hour, I’m actually half asleep now” she says “okay bye”.
Again. The correct response is no response. But you still text her back. Needy. You say…
I’m thinking wow. holy shit. I must’ve really fucked up to let her talk to me this way. I said “We can talk tomorrow, goodnight”.
Why why why did you text her back if you knew you fucked up and let her get away with bullshit. Remember, if she’s fucking up, the best response is not response. Take your attention away from this girl. You don’t know how to do that and that is why you’re failing with her. That is how you show her that she can’t do what she is doing.
She says she couldn’t talk tomorrow night cause of early work the next day. And I said “we can talk on the phone or text it’s no problem. or you can come online now”.
Really? You keep just pouring it on. Why do you keep trying to get her to talk to you?
She said “It’s not that important to talk so whatever”. Then I just told her “okay. Well I’m going to sleep. gnight”. She didn’t respond.
You’re like the Energizer Bunny with this girl, you just keep going and going and giving and giving. No wonder she’s treating you like shit. You should have let her text last so many times here. You texting a back something sweet just keeps reinforcing her bad behavior. Leave her hanging.
EricMay 13, 2013 at 1:18 am #66910
I fucked up bad and I know it. Today was the first day we don’t talk for the past month and a half. I honestly don’t give a shit cause this day put shit back into perspective for me.
I will not contact this girl and in my mind I think I should just move on. But I do have one question. If she does call, should I tell her that she’s been disrespecting me? And that her behavior is unacceptable? Talking about what I feel never really gets a point across. It’s not as efficient as actually ‘showing her’ what she did is wrong while she does it. By ignoring her, freezing her out.. etc.
Thanks again Eric, you sir are awesome.
HumzMay 13, 2013 at 7:40 am #66912
That’s exactly right. Don’t have a ‘talk’ with her. That will just weaken your action. This girl needs to see some strength from you. She needs to see you inexplicably disappear. She feels like she has you wrapped around her finger. The only way to reverse that is to by showing her you don’t need that in your life.
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