Stories challenge

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  • #71443
    zhelyazko
    Participant

    Hi guys,

    I remember some time ago there was a weekly challenge in which Lee helped guys improve their stories and gave general advice on how to create better stories.

    I cannot find it now, however. I think this was at least a year ago. If anyone knows what I mean can you direct me to where this is (even whether it’s the site or forum). Very interested in improving my story-telling now that I can actually enter into conversations with girls.

    Thanks 🙂

    Regards,
    Z

    #71447
    The_Hurricane
    Keymaster

    Feel free to post here and I will comment. I’m always up for that.

    –Lee

    #71506
    zhelyazko
    Participant

    Hi Lee,

    I am going to take you up on that offer, please!

    Here are four of my stories. Can you please give an opinion on how they can be improved/ whether appropriate at all? What I have tried to do for some of them is identify in what situation I will use them. I pause at certain places in the story indicated here by a new row.

    Situation: A girl is walking on the street
    Situation: Two set during the day
    Opener: Hey do you know how to get to…? How far away is it?
    Follow up: Ha, I read this post about the differences between British and American people. For example, British people will never tip a bartender because he’s just doing his work, compared to Americans who always give a tip if they like you. And how British people measure distances in length, so miles. Americans measure distances in time. So you would answer 15 minutes if you were American. Congratulations you are typically British/ officially American.
    Continuation: Where are you from?
    (I’m foreign so the accent doesn’t hurt here)

    Situation: Group of girls during the day in clothes shop
    Situation: Group of girls chatting in a pub
    Opener: Hi. I need a female perspective on something. A big ass necklace right here. I feel like I want some bling. What do you think?
    Follow up (story): You know I like stuff that fits comfortably, I think that’s most important, right?
    One of my female friends was telling me the other day how uncomfortable wearing a bra is and how she wished she didn’t have to wear one…
    Well, don’t wear one, then! I’m sure nobody would mind, she’s quite “gifted”.
    Continuation: Is it weird that I find women in lingerie sexier than naked women?
    It’s very sensual, mysterious, like unwrapping a Christmas present.
    What clothing do you feel sexiest in?
    What kind of guys do you like most/ What part of a boy’s body is the sexiest to you?

    Situation: Group of girls chatting in a pub
    Opener: Hi. What do ya guys think- should guys shave?… my English girl friends keep telling me it’s wrong. I call bullshit. Oh no, I mean below the neck. Legs, chest…
    Follow up (story): I bet you just say that cuz you are too lazy to shave, mmm growing a forest down there are we? I on the other hand shave and I feel quite manly about it thank you very much.
    Continuation: Lots of guys make fun of women for how much time you spend on your haircut, but hair is actually pretty important. Have you seen V for Vendetta?
    Natalie Portman was shaved bald in the movie and she looked like a little boy. Granted, a disturbingly sexy little boy, but still.
    I like your hair. It’s very flowly (touch). Do you know those commercials about washing liquids where they carry a big 5 litre bottle in their purse… I can totally picture you in one of those…

    Damn, you look so young. How old are you?
    I’m 23 ha ha but I still remember my high school days quite clearly. Those were dark days for me.
    Do you have a Prom thing when you graduate from high school in the UK?
    I was a very shy chap back in high school. I remember I was feeling so nervous on my Prom night that I needed a drink.
    One cheap vodka, two, three, four, five.
    But I had never got drunk before. Ohh when my head started spinning, my teachers were like are you ok and all I could do is… so I’m sitting down and they come next to me… (close eyes, touch shoulder, nod).
    I was so wasted they had to hook me up to a system and put glucose in me. Couldn’t eat anything for two days. But hey at least it was memorable.
    What’s your most “memorable” drinking story?/ What were you like in high school?

    Awaiting your wisdom, sir 🙂

    Regards,
    Zhelyazko

    #71513
    The_Hurricane
    Keymaster

    I would ditch the prom story. Most “I got so drunk” stories are lower value stories. The others just need a bit of polish.

    The bling story is good because it transitions into something more personal and has a nice little dhv story about your gifted friend. It follows a general formula – open with something safe but something that gives you an immediate excuse to take it somewhere not safe. I consider all of these stories part of your opener. I might play with that story a bit, like this:

    “I want to get something that is big enough to start a discussion. (Pause) Speaking of big enough to start a discussion, I just had the funniest conversation with my friend the other day. She was complaining about having to wear a bra all day. In her case, it’s pretty much a requirement because she is a gifted, gifted girl. But apparently she hates bras. So all morning she had me sit there while she tried out different outfits without her bra and paraded them past me to see if I liked them. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a very pretty girl, but after a morning of that, let me tell you that was waaaayyyy too much of a good thing. Guys aren’t made for that kind of endless fashion show. What about you? Bras always? Even in hot summer? What about panties? Even when it’s like 100 degrees out? Don’t you ever say fuck it who’s going to know? I would if I were a chick. Let my boys catch a summer breeze. What’s wrong with that?”

    You probably don’t want something this long. You want to pause a few times and let them chime in, make it more interactive. But you get the picture, right?

    –Lee

    #71516
    zhelyazko
    Participant

    Thanks Lee.

    So you almost always want a story that very quickly leads to somewhere sexual? Or is that a case only for the initial minutes of the interaction?

    Thank you for the example. I love it. Still feeling a bit apprehensive about going this far this fast, but why not!

    Can I be cheeky and ask for another example or two?

    I already have the one about “lots of cute guys in here” underwear run and with this one about the busty friend I can use them as a model for other stories which are true about me.

    Thanks,
    Zhelyazko

    #71517
    SomeguyUK
    Participant

    I’ve got a story that I like telling to friends, but I have no idea how I would use it in a pickup context. It’s pretty long too.

    Here goes:

    So I was playing guitar for this trans-gendered punk act, Jayne County, and we were doing a tour of Scandinavia. Now Jayne was big on the 70’s so when I was touring with her, she was about 60. But she was still pretty rock ‘n roll, as she proved at one show. It was Saturday night and we were playing a 500 capacity venue in Stockholm – it was the biggest show of the tour. The show was going great; the crowd was pretty well behaved except for these two really drunk guys down the front. The band was pretty tame by punk standards, but these guys seemed to be acting like it was an ‘oi oi’ street punk band, and they were getting a bit rowdy.

    At one point, one of them did something to piss Jayne off – maybe they threw a bottle or something. Jayne shouts something at them, tells them to fuck off or whatever. We carry on playing, and all is fine.

    Suddenly out of nowhere, I hear this really loud noise, BOOM. The whole place freezes, and Jayne storms offstage in a huff. I then see one of the punks at the front of the stage, and I realise that they did something else to piss Jayne off, and she threw the mic straight into this guy’s forehead.

    So the band goes offstage and piles back into the backstage room. Jayne is ranting and raving about those assholes, and is pacing up and down the room while we all stand there in silence, not knowing what to do. The atmosphere was really tense. But I couldn’t help turning to the bass player and whispering “that was awesome”.

    Would love to hear some of your stories Lee.

    #71520
    The_Hurricane
    Keymaster

    You can certainly get away with something this inappropriate right after the opener – especially in a bar – but it’s not a requirement. Unless you’re going direct, the opener should NOT be a 10 on the heat meter. It should be about a 2. After the opener, you can tell a story that’s like a 5 or a 6. Then there’ some normal conversation where you actually find out some stuff about each other – this is the work / interests / where you came from / how you got here / family / childhood part. This part of the conversation is about a 4. Finally, right before you get out, you hit them with your bad-ass inappropriate 10 out of 10 peg-the-meter-in-the-red relationships / sex story. That’s your approach.

    Hopefully, they’re playing along, because the whole point of doing all of this is not to entertain them but to get them talking about stuff that’s equally interesting or important to them. You’re not going to give them a free pass either. As they’re telling you stuff, you’re going to call them out on it. You’re going to make sure they know you have standards.

    So this story that I modified for you as an example – of course, you know that all else held equal your own true stories are always more emotionally charged than something you make up – is kind of an 8 – a little too ballsy for the very beginning, and not ballsy enough for the very end. However, do play with it. It’s better to get blown out and have a few big successes than it is to just play it safe and have a bunch of lukewarm conversations that basically establish you have no balls.

    I’ll come back and give you another example in the next few days.

    –Lee

    #71535
    zhelyazko
    Participant

    Thank you, Lee.

    This really helps. I appreciate the advice- it makes things a lot clearer. It is all a big fog for me right now and a piece of advice like this, which is clear and easy to follow is great!

    Looking forward to an example.


    @SomeguyUK
    – thanks for sharing. Where abouts in the UK are you based?

    p.s. If the story above is an 8 I can’t even begin to imagine what a 10 will be…

    #71540
    The_Hurricane
    Keymaster

    @SomeGuyUK

    Don’t know how I missed your story but I just read it and I love it. You want me to suggest a few dramatic tweaks and a lead-in? Because otherwise, it really rocks. Raw life experience and fearlessly telling inappropriate stories are so attractive to women.

    –Lee

    #71563
    SomeguyUK
    Participant

    @zhelyazko

    I’m based in London, how about you?


    @Lee

    I would love to hear how you would tweak my story, and how you would use it in a pickup context.

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