Should I shoot her a text?
July 2, 2013 at 12:39 pm #69149loves2smileParticipant
A friend invited me to join him and his cohorts at a bar and grill for 4th of July, where their outside patio has a view of the fireworks display they do every year. I invited this girl yesterday to drop by if she didn’t have any plans going on. She gave me a “I’ll let you know if I can” response, and I asked for her cell number then. After she punched in her number in my phone, I gave her a ring so she’ll have my number and we parted ways.
July 4th isn’t until Thursday, so should I text her at all (like a “reminder”)?July 2, 2013 at 2:54 pm #69150
Why not. I’d text her in a way that makes her feel she’ll be missing out if she doesn’t come, not with a “reminder” feel to it. Don’t give her the impression that you think your invite was easily forgettable. something along the lines “hey tonight’s going to be a great time. Hope to see you there!”July 2, 2013 at 6:54 pm #69151
When should I text her? The day/night of the event or a one day heads up?July 3, 2013 at 9:56 am #69152
As I read it, she never actually agreed to go. In other words, this isn’t a date. In fact, it’s most likely a blow-off. In this case, I would proceed as if there is nothing scheduled. Ping her with something fun and flirty. “you will never guess what i’m doing right now. it would blow your mind like a thousand suns going supernova at precisely the same moment in time!” If she responds with something like “what?”, you can say it’s somehting boring like “just watering my lawn 🙂 you?” In other words, just get her flirting to gauge her interest. Don’t text too long, just long enough for her to show she’s interested. If she does show you she’s interested – if she flirts back, asks you questions, etc. – you can remind her about the party. Remind but don’t ask. Like this: “i’m still going to this thing on thursday. you’re welcome to tag along.” Don’t sell the party. Don’t tell her how much fun it’s going to be. The main attraction is you. If she’s not willing to go for you, you don’t want her there. If she says no, wait a week or two and ping her again.
–LeeJuly 3, 2013 at 7:40 pm #69166
Me: You will never guess what i’m doing right now. it would blow your mind like a thousand suns going supernova all at once!
Her: haha what?
Me: I’m watching grass grow 🙂 you?
Her: Getting ready to go to a tupperware party.
I’m having a hard time gauging if she’s interested or just being polite. I haven’t responded to her yet, as I take this as her not flirting back? Or is it too soon to decide she’s not interested?July 3, 2013 at 10:28 pm #69167
She gets your joke and she’s mirroring its tone, so she’s definitely playing along. That’s some interest. But is it enough for you to tell her again about this party? Probably not. I would send one more flirty text to give her a chance to open up, something like: “a tupperware party? wait, is this the part where i’m supposed to say how cool tupperware parties are and how much i like girls whose lives revolve entirely around tupperware? :-)” Something like that. In other words, you’re looking for a little effort on her part. She’s making some effort already. You just want a little more.
–LeeJuly 5, 2013 at 12:14 am #69192
(9:30am)Me: How was the tupperware love affair? I hope you didn’t bring the house down and involve the police.
(11:31am)Her: It was good. Got a few replacements of some things I have that broke.
(12:54pm)Me: So you have a thing for tupperware. I know what to steal now if I decide rob you. I’ll leave all your exotic diamonds and gems untouched. Uh oh!
(8:52pm)Her: No i ended up getting a chopper and a scooper for cookie batter…no tupperware.
I got this text as I was arriving to meet my buddies and watch the fireworks display. I’m curious as to what you guys see in these transactions?July 5, 2013 at 8:52 am #69193
Well, it’s kinda boring, but she’s keeping the conversation going. It’s a kind of interest. Not the kind you’d ideally hope for, but it is what it is. I would just ask her out. Except don’t ask, tell:
“ok enough tupperware and choppers. wednesday. 9pm. the bar on the corner of smith and grand. a drink to see if we get along.”
I sometimes like to ham it up by adding something like:
“epiphanies shall rain from the heavens!”
or: “i’m bringing a hurricane of charm. will your levees hold up?”
She might be busy at the time you suggest, in which case, you want to see if she suggests an alternative, something like: “..but i’m around next week”. If she doesn’t suggest an alternative, don’t ask again. Drop it, wait a week or two, and ping her again.
–LeeJuly 5, 2013 at 7:56 pm #69195
(4pm)Me: Okay, little lady, enough small talk. 10pm tonight. The X Bar @ Ocean Blvd. Casual drinks. Bring your fun hat.
(5:33pm)Her: Where is it?
So an hour later I decided to call her instead of texting. Didn’t want her to think that I didn’t have balls to talk to her, so I hide behind texts. I hit her voicemail and said,”Hey Jane, this is Joe. The X Bar is underneath this big lighthouse at Ocean Blvd. Find the lighthouse and look under and that’s where I’ll be. If you’re still lost, just give me a buzz and I’ll walk you through. Bye.”
(7:52pm)Her: Sorry my phone was on vibrate. sure. Ill text you when im getting close.
I’m curious, but was she “shy” in answering my call attempt? That why she texted instead of calling back? I”m just curious, because as long as she shows up, I could careless if she used the Bat signal to reply.July 6, 2013 at 12:56 am #69196
She actually showed up. I realize now that I should have left my friends’ table and gotten a separate one with just her and me, because they were all asking probing questions about her like where she’s from and what she does for a living, etc.
She showed up to the sandbar, I said hi and gave her a hug (I think this was good). We sat for 30 mins or so talking about general stuff with my friends (I think this was bad). Then, my buddy gets my check and tells me to take off with the girl. We go for a stroll around the blvd. talking about generic stuff (bad again). Oh my god I want to punch my face in as I’m typing this to reminisce. We did NOTHING SEXUAL. Correction, I did nothing sexual with her. I touched her like a total of three times during this night. When I walked her to her car, I didn’t even try to go for a hug, let alone a kiss (bad bad again). I think she’s home now, disappointed that I wimped out when I should have manned up.
Can I salvage anything that’s left of a relationship with this girl?July 6, 2013 at 9:32 am #69197
Yes, you failed to escalate, but you did other things right. You told her where to go. You gave her very little notice and she complied. You gave her a hug when she got there. In other words, you took the lead. Now, you should wait a bit to see if she contacts you about that night. After a couple of days without contact from her, you are allowed to initiate contact. A light ping, something funny. When she responds, just tell her where you want to meet next, this time, just the two of you. Start with a hug, but don’t ease up. Keep touching. Use the hug every time she says something funny or interesting or agrees with something you said. Just spread your arms out and say “Come here, you!” Like you’re rewarding her.
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