Should I be worried?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Eric Disco 6 years, 3 months ago.

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  • #66926

    Eric Disco
    Keymaster

    So I posted a long while back about this girl I started seeing who said she was still getting over her ex and broke it off. Some days after this she basically came onto me and we’ve been better than ever since. She said she just needs to take things slowly, I asked if her ex was still an issue she said she only wanted the familiarity of it and he was an ass. I stopped the talk of him there and told her we could take it slow but I wouldn’t wait forever. So it’s been about 3-4 months and I don’t know if I should ask her where things stand now or just let things continue as is. She says she’s mine all the time but I don’t know what that means exactly.

    Recently she’s shown some strange behavior. I started giving her a quick kiss(more of a peck) when saying goodbye and she seemed ok with it at first but then freaked out recently and said she was never ok with it. We get in an argument cause she just randomly repeatedly ignored a question I asked then apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. I said ok and then she said she was going to sleep despite it being still early. She asks me to skype but the connection’s giving trouble so I say I’ll just call her she says it’s ok and I ask why and she doesn’t give an answer.

    So should I be worried? Is it the ex again? I don’t know if I’m over thinking it all and would really like some opinions.

    #66927

    Eric Disco
    Keymaster

    I started giving her a quick kiss(more of a peck) when saying goodbye and she seemed ok with it at first but then freaked out recently and said she was never ok with it.

    Bad, bad, bad. I don’t like that at all. Yes, you should be worried. And her worrisome actions may be a sign that she is interested in someone else. However, thinking about the possibility that she’s seeing someone else will put your focus in the wrong place–on him instead of her. And you’ll be spinning your wheels in no time. Jealousy is a very unproductive emotion.

    The problem is how she feels about YOU, not HIM. Trying to get her to not be into him or not see him or be more exclusive with you is playing a defensive game which will only lead to failure.

    Instead, you need to get her focus back on you. You need to start fucking with this girl and making her wonder whether she has you. She’s grown comfortable and bored with you and that’s why she’s seeking excitement and drama elsewhere. Start to implement some of this stuff here:

    Advanced Tactics to Turn Back the Tide

    Eric

    #66928

    Eric Disco
    Keymaster

    Man…is there ever a point in a relationship where you can lay off the tactics?
    She said she’s not used to PDA before I started the kisses and maybe that’s why. For the next few months we won’t be seeing each other everyday as we used to and I’m wondering if that combined with these tactics won’t just push her towards someone else?

    #66930

    Eric Disco
    Keymaster

    Man…is there ever a point in a relationship where you can lay off the tactics?

    Yes. But certainly not when she’s not focused on you. You don’t need ‘tactics’ for most of the relationship. At the beginning are when things are most crucial. And then every once in a while you have to show her that you’re still independent, in control and have boundaries.

    She said she’s not used to PDA before I started the kisses and maybe that’s why.

    I don’t buy it. If she’s physically stand-offish, there’s a reason. Yeah, I’m not too fond of PDA. I’m not the type to be all over a girl in front of my friends. But I am physical with her. And not being willing to give you a kiss when saying goodbye… dude, you’re deluding yourself if you think that that is not a red flag. It’s a huge red flag.

    For the next few months we won’t be seeing each other everyday as we used to and I’m wondering if that combined with these tactics won’t just push her towards someone else?

    You’re worried you’re going to lose her. That’s making you overly needy around her. She senses that and that’s why she’s pulling away. These tactics are designed to demonstrate to her that you are okay with losing her. You’d rather be alone than get treated badly. If she’s going to walk, let her walk. You being more needy will not make her feel more for you. It will only delay the inevitable, which is her leaving you. The only way to get this girl back is to show her you’re fine on your own. Let her come to you.

    Eric

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