She Asked Me What I Think About Her
June 20, 2013 at 12:08 pm #66963
Last night I went out with a woman. We’ve known each other from our temple for the last three years but started going out a couple weeks ago. This was our third time out together. We’ve been holding hands while walking and yesterday we sat down holding hands. I put my arm around her back a couple times and put my hand on her back a couple times while walking to “lead” her through a crowd or through a door. However, I couldn’t escalate to a kiss. Towards the end of our time together yesterday, we were standing on an escalator. I had my first kiss with a different woman on an escalator so I thought that it would work with this chick too. I inched my face towards her to kiss but she moved her head back. I guess I came on too strong; maybe I stuck out my lips when I should’ve put my fingers under her chin, looked in her eyes, and then go for the kiss. My first kiss with the other woman (Cindy) felt so natural but it felt awkward and pressured with this one (Stella). I guess with Cindy, it was spontaneous whereas with Stella, I was thinking about it for a while and anxiety built up inside me. Well, at least she gave me a kiss on the cheek when we parted ways.
After I got back home, Stella texted me asking what I thought about her, if I thought of her as a friend. She asked because she was confused about yesterday. I replied that I really like her a lot and that i would tell her more about it later. She then said good night. I said that because I really do like her but I don’t want to make her exclusive yet, even if/when we have sex. I am told that the best time to tell her that I don’t want to be exclusive with her is right after sex, when her shields are lowered. I definitely think of her as more than a friend though, even this early in the game. I have fun bantering with her and I like to listen to her when she opens up to me.June 21, 2013 at 9:28 am #66970
You don’t want to give her a straight answer like, “I like you a lot.” You are always better off keeping that in limbo and making her wonder about your feelings. That’s a lot more interesting for her and keeps her attracted. Try something like: “I haven’t decided about you yet.”
A girl asked me what my intentions with her were and I said, “To get to know you better and be as dirty as possible in the process.”
I am told that the best time to tell her that I don’t want to be exclusive with her is right after sex,
Terrible. Do not do this. Do not ever tell a girl explicitly that you don’t want to have a serious relationship with her unless she presses you. Even then, you should joke it off with her and communicate it to her in other ways. Here’s how you communicate it:
1. By how often you see her. Keep it to once a week or less. Don’t have conversations on the phone. Text once a day, tops.
2. If she does talk about being serious, joke it off first. “Is this a marriage proposal? I thought you’d never ask.” Change the subject. She’ll most likely get the message.
3. If she still doesn’t get the message and presses you, tell her you’re not yet ready to be exclusive with her.
The reason you do it this way is because if you explicitly say to a girl, “I don’t want you as a girlfriend,” she has that message in her head. It’s like a recording she can access any time. It’s now real to her. It hurts more. And when her friends ask her what’s up, she’ll have to tell them straight out that you don’t want anything serious. Where as if you’re more indirect, she can tell her friends, “Stuff is up in the air.”
You don’t want to lead a woman on if she really wants a serious relationship. But most women will be into a casual thing if you don’t hand them the sharp end of the knife.
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