rekindle…. I'm terrible at this sort of t hing

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    Hey forum.

    About 10 years ago I was hanging out on occasion with this girl in my grad school (she’s Taiwanese incidentally, although that doesn’t have any effect on the story) but nothing ever went anywhere. She went back to Taiwan, then visited me in London (not just to see me–part of a trip) about 3 years later. I felt really confident for some reason, and we ended up making out at a bar. Nothing heavy, but it was on–then she went back. She visited me again a year later–but we just met for a quick drink so nothing happened. A couple years ago, she had one more trip to London and it just so happened that i was in town and actually stayed with her in her hotel room–but in twin beds–nothing happened there either.

    She is in Paris on a wine tour (she’s in the vino biz) and is coming to Barcelona this weekend–mostly to visit me. I’m putting her up at my place. Ostensibly in a guest room πŸ˜‰ (and with my luck, probably in the guest room πŸ™‚

    Part of me thinks I should just casually suggest she share the bed w/me and see if/where things go from there–but any general thoughts on moving things along in this situation? I’m not interested in anything substantial–she lives far away–and even if she were here I’d be interested in dating other people too– I like her, though. So fun/casua is the idea.

    Thanks, forum!


    I reckon this one is all about preparation.

    Take her out for a few drinks, make sure you both get a bit tipsy. ‘Bounce’ her to a couple of different venues (always helps in my experience).

    Then suggest you go home and do some more drinking at yours. Have a bottle of wine ready.

    I would also prepare some excuse to bring her in to your bedroom – something you can bring up early in the night. Tell her about your amazing new bedspread or something. Or get a bit silly. Joke that you got a Bart Simpson bedspread and that’s how you get the ladies. Try and make it into a joke that you can keep referring to throughout the night. If she doesn’t find it funny, drop it. If she does laugh, it’s something to flirt with. For example, if she offers to get you a drink you can say ‘you’re only doing this because you want to see Bart’.

    Other than that, I would just try and be very flirty and sexual with her through the night. It sounds like she responds to confidence, so just keep pushing the envelope. Be bold!

    If you play your cards right you won’t need to have an excuse to show her your room. However, I know from our previous conversations that you’re a bit shy with escalating. That’s why I reckon you need booze and a ‘plan B’. πŸ™‚

    If all else fails, at the end of the night you can ask her if she remembers when you made out, and gauge her reaction.


    Thanks, @SG–

    There will definitely be some wine involved as I like it anyway, and it’s her career πŸ™‚ Although to be honest I do need to focus on how to do this without chemical assistance—so that the natural “transitions” start to feel right to me, rather than forced. Same with the bedroom thing–what I really want is to move things along smoothly without looking for too many crutches–people HAVE said to me before that I don’t flirt–once from a girl who I did end up sleeping with but I kind of pitched the idea in a mechanical way: “So…let’s go in here then”. Or something like that. So I really want to work on flow. I think if I work on physical escalation a bit outside–at dinner, whenever, that might help things along. We’ll see…

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