June 25, 2017 at 12:01 am #73753
I haven’t posted on here in awhile–wanted to do a bit of soul-searching to see if I oculd get a better sense of some of my own internal blocks and get past them.
One of the major blocks is that I often feel like a predator. Part of it’s probably that I’m 43 and often find myself attracted to 20 somethings (but who the hell doesn’t??) But it’s more than that. If I’m at a table with friends, sometimes I’ll hesitate to give full eye contact–especially if the person I’m talking to is female–this is heightened if the person is someone I don’t know well. Also I find that I can sometimes flirt privately w/someone, but I’m often unlikely to do so if there’s other people around–particularly if they know me (family, friends, etc). It’s like–if anyone sees me acting a certina way (more assertive towards women) they’ll see me as a predator. This is just a feeling, and not even real, but it’s powerful and it’s seriously getting in my way.
HOw do I get past this?
Thanks!June 25, 2017 at 1:11 pm #73754
Hi Mr. A
Good to hear from you…
I feel it’s a fear of judgment thing…..as long as we’re not in a position to be judged by others – private situations – we’re fine…..but if there is a possibility of being judged negatively, ( according to conventional social “norms”) we get inhibited and start feeling weird ..
AA , at a deeper level, seems to be rooted in a lack of self-acceptance…..this shows up as a fear of judgment or fear of rejection….
When I see a girl that I should open but I don’t, I ask myself …Am I rejecting her – because I feel she isn’t attractive enough / the vibe isn’t there ,
or am I rejecting myself – because I feel I’m not good enough ….? This helps put things in perspective….
As I’ve worked on myself ( it never really ends does it ?) , my understanding of game has evolved…..I treat opening a girl as more of creating an opportunity for her to get to know me…..That’s our job as men…..to create and fashion the opportunity…
Here’s an interesting quote I read ( from Zan Perrion ) :
Sexuality without empathy, respect, charm, humor, listening = creep
Sexuality with empathy, respect, charm, humor, listening = real man
Like you, I’m in my 40s, but for some strange reason, this particular year I’ve had several 20 something girls come up and open me.…sometimes even on the streets ! – latest one happened this past Friday evening as I stepped out of the office building on to the street…so obviously age is not the issue for them
Attraction is not a choice….if you like them and they like you….go for it…..the only way to get past that fear of judgment is to literally go thru it….
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