more than friends (long post)

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    Over the past year or so, I’ve made some progress in getting over social anxiety. I attribute some of it to a few things I learned from here, like speaking to everyone I get a chance to or just putting myself in position by going out more. I’ve also been at a more sociable job, which has helped a lot. I’m proud of this, but I still have work to do. I still get nervous talking to girls or big crowds. I still don’t take rejection as well (whether girls or acquaintances). I still need to work on my voice projection and body language. I do realize I have a lot of work to do.

    With all of this being said, I have gone on more dates the past year than I have over the previous five years. But I’m having trouble taking it beyond a first date. And the most frustrating thing is that most of the dates still like me afterwards. I don’t know if I am being too nice or friendly. I know there’s nothing wrong with nice (and I make sure I’m not a pushover because of it), but I feel like this is where I go wrong. It used to be that I would go on a date and get ignored the next time I try to get another one. Now, we can keep communicating after, but that’s all I can get. They’ll even text me random things on some days just to chat. Its so annoying. I can’t seem to convince them that we should be more than friends (and I use that loosely as we don’t ever hang out after).

    I guess my question is, how can I come off as more than just friends? Most times when girls describe me, I get “nice” and “sweet.” Is that part of the problem? Should I work on being less nice?



    Don’t think about it in terms of ‘nice’ vs. ‘not nice’. That dual thinking is a big part of the reason guys cant figure out the dating scene. Like Lee/Eric are always saying, you need to push the envelope, not be afraid of sexuality, keep up the tension and basically charge up the interaction. Basically you need to let some old-school masculinity into the interaction–i.e. not be afraid to let the girl know that you see her as a woman. That’s one thing that a lot of guys (certainly including myself) have a lot of trouble with.

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