Mindset question

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  • #71468
    SomeguyUK
    Participant

    I noticed Lee talks a lot in his (very helpful) posts about his mindset, i.e he is very picky with women. Lee it’s obvious you have an abundance mindset and are not shaken by a woman’s beauty.

    However, it makes sense to me that you are picky if you are someone that has a lot of choice with gorgeous women.

    Is there anyway to get this mindset without actually being a guy who has loads of gorgeous women after him? Is it just a case of ‘fake it till you make it’?

    I ask because even though I have some choice with women – I’m dating a few – I definitely don’t have this mindset. When I talk to a hot girl, I can’t help being ‘after her’ just because I want to bang her. Sad but true.

    thanks

    #71476
    ryano
    Participant

    It’s not really about having an abundance mindset it’s about realizing that this world does not give a FLYING FUCK about you.

    Do me a favor. Please. do this exercise:

    Walk down the street or go inside a supermarket or a store and look at the faces of the people around you. You will notice that everyone is wrapped up in their own little world. The old lady is trying to figure out what kind of medicine to buy. The man is figuring out what he should buy his children. The guy and his girlfriend are thinking about what movie they’re gonna watch later while the guy has his arm around her. The woman you’re about to approach is trying to figure out what kind of tampon to use. Or alternatively, she might be thinking if it was appropriate that the guy she had a one night stand with the other day so shamelessly came on her face. similarly Hurricane Lee is thinking about girls he’s boning he’s not thinking about you.

    Hell, even the girl you’re currently dating is texting other guys on her phone deciding WHO she will give her precious time to. it’s all about HER HER HER.

    So hear this..
    Everyone always has their OWN interests at play in their mind at all times.
    Noone at any time is thinking to themselves: Wow I wonder what SomeguyUK is about to do. NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU.

    Abundance is understanding that you’re fending for yourself alone in this world. That your results depends simply on ONE person. YOURSELF. And that’s a good thing because you’re the only one you can rely on. You can decide to go out — RIGHT NOW — hit on a bunch of girls, get a bunch of numbers and all of a sudden you have abundance. It’s not about ANYONE but yourself. Believe in yourself, since you will always be the only one that does.

    #71479
    The_Hurricane
    Keymaster

    @SomeguyUK

    If you want to learn to box, you will initially imitate a boxer. At first, all of the movements will feel awkward. You are just imitating. At that point, if you were actually in a fight, you’d be better off doing what you knew before you started to learn boxing. However, over time, the new style becomes your natural style, and, eventually, you’ll be a boxer.

    Same with pickup. You can’t will yourself to be less outcome dependent with women. Initially, you can only imitate someone who is less outcome dependent. Set up a bunch of rules for yourself that help you imitate that person. For example, every couple of minutes, drop the conversation entirely. If she doesn’t pick it up, say “Hey, I gotta run. Nice chatting with you.” And go. After a while, the idea that a woman should be giving something back will become natural to you, and you will lose the desire to keep going when she’s not giving something back.

    Little by little, as you imitate the behavior of someone you want to become, you will become that person. It’s just a matter of time and repetition.

    –Lee

    #71481
    SomeguyUK
    Participant

    Thanks Lee, that’s helpful. I will try to focus on that kind of exercise.

    Ryano – you missed the point of what I was saying. Thanks for taking the time all the same.

    #71490
    ryano
    Participant

    sorry if my answer was disjointed. this is my mindset at all times though and what helps me through many difficulties. but maybe it’s not for you yet..

    anyhow, if you truly want to feel abundance you need to learn how to pipeline. this is an advanced concept and will only work if you’re good at getting numbers. if you’re bad at getting numbers (ie you can’t consistently get atleast one number a day then just ignore this post) and no amount of bullshit you say to yourself, visualizations, will get you to feel abundance. to truly feel abundance you need to be good at picking up girls (getting their number). if you don’t, then go back and practice.

    note the below paragraph is a bit “cold”, so not for the faint of heart or white knights in this forum. but i find it’s pretty much the only way to reach true abundance.

    a few definitions first. a ‘pipeline’ is defined as 10 or more numbers you’ve gotten. a ‘singleton’ is defined as ONE woman who you haven’t had sex with yet. (after you have sex with a woman she then becomes non-random, and is trustworthy and she usually answers to your requests). anyhow, a pipeline is a set of singletons. singletons are random at and given point in time they may or may not respond to a request. see my post ‘girls are random’. so you can never trust a singleton.

    when you have a request, you never just send it to one girl. (a request could be a simple ping “how are you?”, a date request “wanna go out?”, or whatever request.) instead, you channel it to the pipeline. so “how’ve you been today?” will be sent to the pool of women (aka pipeline) you have on your phone. out of those one is bound to answer. for the ones that answer, you then invite them out. if you’re thinking in terms of “one” woman, then good luck. you will never feel true abundance. you just play the ‘waiting’ game for her to answer, to not answer, or to do whatever she feels like doing at that point in time.. so pipelining is really the only way to reach true abundance.

    note: pipelining can also be used for friends not just girls. so if you want to go out on say a friday night to a club. if you don’t have a pipeline of guys, then most likely you’ll be lonely that night.

    #71491
    ryano
    Participant

    and note: pipelining for friends just means you have a group, or pool of guys you can message at a given night, ofcourse those guys aren’t singletons laaawwll.

    #71510
    zhelyazko
    Participant

    Lee,

    What other exercises would you suggest? What would be the behavior of the most desirable and sceptical men?

    I make assumptions about it, but do not know how to translate it into simple changes I can make to “‘fake it till I make it”.

    If she is not giving you the same investment you are giving her drop it (But surely in the beginning you are investing more, since you are the one inviting her, plowing through resistance, escalating, so on..)

    I is confused šŸ˜€

    Regards,
    Z

    #71519
    SomeguyUK
    Participant

    I was listening to Lee’s interview in the Six Steps audio files again, and he talks about making a list of attractive qualities that he wants in a woman. He said that helped him to become less outcome dependent, so maybe that’s worth a try too.

    Ryano – I guess what I meant was how to build up that mental frame of ‘even though I am initiating the conversation because I find this girl attractive, she still needs to convince me she is worth spending time with’. As opposed to the frame of ‘this girl is pretty, I hope she likes me’. But I like what you’re saying – I am nowhere near the point of getting a number every day, but hopefully I’ll get there.

    #71521
    Marshall74
    Participant

    Hey that last section was a good question UK. I wondered the same thing.

    #71522
    The_Hurricane
    Keymaster

    From almost the very beginning, a woman has to be giving you almost as much as you’re giving her. You open her and maybe tell a story, but that is as much of a lead as you should be willing to give her. Beyond this, if she’s not asking you questions and picking up the conversation when you drop it, you should pull out. You shouldn’t be working much harder than she’s working.

    Plowing and overcoming resistance are fine exercises and make you a better, more confident person. But exercises aside, if you really want to be the prize, you’re not going to tolerate much resistance from a total stranger before you decide that stranger is not worth your time.

    You want a few rules that will help you mimic the behavior of high value men, rules that you will use until you come up with your own? Here are three:

    1. Don’t ask her more than three questions in a row without having her ask you a question. Simply responding is not enough. She has to take an active interest in you. If she never does, drop the conversation.

    2. Think of two things that you need from her. If she doesn’t give them to you, get out. She’s not for you. Does she need to be a reader? A movie buff? Into art? Do sports? Whatever they are, make sure she has what you want.

    3. Every couple of minutes, drop the conversation. Let her pick it back up. If she doesn’t, don’t continue.

    Over time, you will begin to internalize the idea that you want to talk only to those women who are receptive to you. As that idea becomes part of your self image, you will start behaving differently, and more women will want to talk to you.

    –Lee

    #71523
    ryano
    Participant

    Both your mindsets are wrong in that last section SomeguyUK.

    1. “even though I am initiating the conversation because I find this girl attractive, she still needs to convince me she is worth spending time with” … WRONG
    2. “this girl is pretty, I hope she likes me” … WRONG

    For the first point, I don’t need her to convince me of anything. Unlike hurricane, I’m a bit more lax as far as the girl needing to qualify herself as far as her personality traits. To me, if she’s hot I pretty much want to have sex with her (what can I say, I’m the typical man). However, a girl definitely needs certain personality traits to be in a LTR with me, but that’s a completely different story.

    So what are you looking for? just to have sex with a lot of hot girls or a girlfriend? Me personally, I’m looking for both (until I find that one special girlfriend that is and then I’ll stop sleeping with other girls).

    This weekend I had sex with a girl after 20 minutes of meeting her (right from the outside of a club to my apt). Did I need to tell her stories? Or qualify her? Or act like I wasn’t interested? I did none of that. We were both in the spirit of getting laid that night. She wanted it as much as I did so we were a good match. I picked up on it right away thru some flirting, and all I needed to do was escalate with some touching. ie I put my arm around her waist and the rest is history.

    As far as the second point, I don’t understand what you mean by “this girl is pretty, I hope she likes me”. That’s weak. I never “hope” anything. She either does or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t, I move on to the next girl. I try to find that out as quick as I can through some flirting. If she doesn’t reciprocate I bounce.

    The abundance mindset is just to understand that there are plenty of girls out there and if one doesn’t fit the bill, you exit. YOU are the chooser. I don’t understand why you guys are wrestling with that. I mean, don’t you get horny when you see a pretty girl? I sure as hell do. You shouldn’t hide that or mask your real feelings. I do not agree with Lee that you need to act uninterested or be way too selective– unless this is the potential woman you want to marry. But if you’re trying to get laid that’s the worst advice ever. In this world there are MANY MANY girls that are horny too, so if you hide it you’re doing the exact opposite of what attracts these girls. Go as direct as you can. Not just with the opener. With the ENTIRE interaction. Alot of guys don’t understand this. They think they if they go “direct” on the opener then it’s ok for them to be indirect for the rest of the conversation. That’s bullshit. You need to go direct from A to Z, make sure she knows what you’re there for. The sooner the better. (note it’s ok to go indirect with the opener and then slowly go more and more direct, as long as you’re moving to your goal then you’re good.. the more you move to acting “uninterested” you’re losing them!)

    As long as you know how to flirt then you can get them hot and heavy within minutes. For example, you cannot go up to a girl and tell her “would you like to have sex with me?” she would get totally offended. But if you come in with flirty eye contact, be a bit touchy, and lead the conversation to a more sexual direction using innuendos then you’re gold. If you don’t know how to “flirt” watch every youtube video on the subject. ie https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+flirt
    watch every single one. Teasing, touching, eye contact, nonverbal communication. Basically, just be good at flirting because that’s the language that women talk in.

    Or maybe you don’t have the abundance mindset because of AA? You said that you’re not able to generate alot of numbers so you need to be able to do that. I know that I can go out whenever I want day or night and get atleast a couple numbers. That gives me an abundance mindset. If you can’t do that yet, then you must approach thousands of girls until you completely know how to do it. I sucked at this once, but through alot of practice I learned what girls like and don’t like and I adjusted myself and got better. You can too, it just takes alot of approaches and practice. Also, you need to have the freedom to talk to whoever you want whenever you want and always ask for the number. (caveat: if it’s nightgame, never ask for their number just ask them to come back to your apartment).

    And lastly, have the ability to screen out girls very quickly. In that example with the girl above, I must’ve approached about 15 other girls that night. Each one had some kind of bullshit: ie one had a boyfriend, one had a husband, one was a lesbian, one couldn’t hook up cause she had to go home because she had to wake up early, one was working at the bar so she couldn’t, one didn’t like me at all, one was too much of a prude (ie only looking for a bf and wasn’t really my type), and on and on.

    Read my post on “girls are random”. What I mean by this is their LOGISTICAL situation is random. You must figure out her logistics and move on to the next one as soon as possible so she doesn’t waste your time. Ironically girls will pick up that you’re screening them and they will act more interested because they can see that you already have one foot out the door.

    #71537
    zhelyazko
    Participant

    @HurricaneLee

    Sweet. Thanks. I will begin doing these.

    #71565
    SomeguyUK
    Participant

    @Lee

    Thanks for the practical guidelines man.

    Although I have improved a lot, I am still dealing with some approach anxiety. I can approach now, but I often eject too quickly, and often don’t have the balls to get personal etc.

    Would you recommend using the three guidelines you mentioned at this stage in my learning? I fee like I should just be trying to build up social comfort at this stage so I am comfortable talking to the girls, even if they aren’t very receptive.


    @ryano

    Thanks for your viewpoint. You sound like you have a very Paul Janka-esque method of pickup, which is all well and good but I’m not sure it would work for me. Although I’m great with girls on dates, I’m still pretty timid when it comes to day approache, so I feel like I need to overcome that before I can run your type of game.

    #71567
    The_Hurricane
    Keymaster

    @SomeguyUK

    Early on in your studies of social dynamics, it’s better to soldier on just to desensitize yourself to uncomfortable situations. However, eventually, you will have to work on your self-image. How do you see yourself? The most desirable women in the world want a man who sees himself as the prize and if you’re willing to put up with anything to get them, you’re not the prize. At that point, you will have to figure out your standards, and if you meet a girl who’s not living up to those standards, you are going to have to eject. You will lose with that girl, but you will win with some other girl who senses that you are the kind of man who would walk away if he doesn’t get what he wants. The guys who do best with women are the ones who know how to walk that fine line between completely pissing them off and keeping them just slightly off balance and on the defensive. To learn to walk that line, you’re going to have to accidentally step over it many, many, many times, and that’s what you will be doing by sticking to those rules. Lukewarm conversations do not make you more attractive to women. Challenging conversations in which it’s clear that you have high standards make you more attractive to women.

    –Lee

    #71571
    SomeguyUK
    Participant

    That’s really helpful man, thanks a lot.

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