Meeting Girls With Asperger Syndrome
Tagged: Anxiety Aspergers Shy
March 10, 2014 at 8:07 pm #71205JSandersParticipant
I am 18 and would like to start getting to meet women and be in relationships as I have never had a relationship with a girl before. However, I have Asperger Syndrome (although I’m supposed to be on a mild end of the spectrum) but throughout my life I have found making and keeping friends difficult, and find myself struggle a lot in social situations.
I am just wondering whether or not this Asperger Syndrome will affect my ability in having relationships with women in the near future.
I don’t do this intentionally but I realize I am constantly thinking about myself all the time, and want to be away from people and isolate myself, mainly just creating music which is a intense interest for me. I just find it challenging to have witty conversations or to be funny or flirt, and I know this is what people can experience too but I’m worried that for me it is more prominent.
It is like my body is forcing me to be by myself and feel I can’t get out of this state. But at the same time I want to be more social and talk to beautiful women. I have done before so and I remember enjoying it, but I am very uncomfortable in terms of being physical with people in general ie. Touching and just going out by myself meeting new people (whether that’s men or women) For example I have been in bars but I have felt intense anxiety in there as there is so many conversations at once and loud music that I cannot hear myself think let alone talk to a woman that I like. And it’s not just bars either, but just social situations in general.. But I don’t want to be like this forever and I want to change.
So what do you think will help me to be better at getting a chance to be with a woman in the future? Will She’s Six Steps Away help me or would medication to reduce anxiety/medical professionals be more appropriate for me?
J.March 11, 2014 at 9:52 pm #71207The_HurricaneKeymaster
Both Eric and I have coached guys with mild AS before. I am not a qualified mental health pro, so my opinion is just conjecture based on a small sample of students.
This is what I observed: though progress for students with AS is slower than it is with the average student, it is not a hard barrier to success. Meaning, it takes longer to achieve the same results, but results do come. The following is just my opinion, but it seems that the problem areas for students with AS are different from the problem areas of other students. Approach anxiety doesn’t take as long to overcome but transitions from asking for directions and other impersonal conversations to personal conversations seem to be harder to master. Maybe it’s because the student with AS has a harder time reading other people.
Eric’s book describes a general purpose strategy for becoming more social with women. It is not written for people with a particular aptitude or lack thereof. Any novice can benefit from its advice, some faster than others.
–LeeMarch 12, 2014 at 2:19 am #71208AriMoJParticipant
She’s Six Steps Away will definitely help. I have some friends with varying degrees of Aspergers. My brother is also a psychologist who deals with Aspergers clients. The step by step method is a good approach to take, breaking down the interactions into manageable equations. And it will get you there to a point. As Lee mentioned, it may take longer to master the later interactions, but there are also guides on the net and on this site about escalation, texting and power dynamics and so on.
I don’t want to make any awkward generalisations here, but a sticking point for people with Aspergers tends to be seeing situations, assumptions, points of view, feelings, or even just general comments from the other persons perspective. Getting ‘out of your own head’ can be a challenge for most people. People tend to focus inward and analyse everything they do, which can confuse them. Interactions are about ‘affecting’ other people, which involves analysing them. But I know people with Aspergers can learn to read other people.
An analytical approach may if fact be the best approach. The way a lot of ‘pick up’ information has been broken down and scrutinised to the nth degree makes it possible for people who have difficulties in social situations to learn the process. With enough information, all your interactions are almost scripted, until you feel comfortable enough to make the interaction your own.March 14, 2014 at 9:18 am #71215sixstepperParticipant
I don’t know what it’s like to have AS, but I, myself was diagnosed with depression, and 2 anxiety disorders (one being PTSD), meaning my fear often have much more power over my body & mind than myself.
I’m doing the Six Steps Away in a much, much slower manner, doing each step usually 30 days instead of 7 days before moving on to the next one. Have gotten numbers (and on a couple of instances, kisses), but haven’t gotten better results (e.g. dates), but I believe results should come if I keep on moving (right guys?).
So I believe, yes, if others students and I can do it, you can do it too!November 10, 2014 at 2:19 am #72265WantToBeAnAlpha217Participant
I have Asperger’s too, don’t want to let it stop me, refuse to let it stop me
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