love triangle forming, opinions?

[equilibrium48]

Hey guys need some advice as a situation thats forming at my work is getting weird and very bothersome lol.

I wrote a previous post awhile back about a girl that i work with that i was(am) into, about how we we would often go make out after work in my car or in a nearby park. She doesnt want a relationship and has told me she enjoys the making out. No sex though as she is Christian and refuses to have sex before marriage.

The place i work at closed down my location last month and so her and I both got transferred to a new location. It so happens that one of my best friends works in the new location…
Now you can probably guess whats happening.

He is a very good friend and is very transparent with me. Hes told me that he is feeling strong feelings towards her and says he can tell that she is for him. He let me read all there texts and has told me that last week theyve talked on the phone three times 30min each.
She doesn’t know that I know this info. She is currently on holidays and has fb msged him that she wants to see him when she gets back.
He is struggling with pursuing his gut feeling and progressing with her and remaining a loyal friend as he knows im into her.
And ive got really mixed feelings about this entire thing too.

So the question is, what does a guy do in a messed up situation like this? Any thoughts are welcome thanks.

[SomeguyUK]

Dude, I would GTFO.

You are driving yourself crazy trying to figure out what is happening with this girl; meanwhile she obviously doesn’t care that much about you.

You are also in danger of having this girl come between you and a friend.

It’s good that your friend was honest with you and showed you everything though – but it’s pretty much a no-win situation for you.

Go meet some better women. And make sure this girl sees you with them.

[equilibrium48]

@SomeguyUK
Thanks for the reply man.
I know meeting other girls is key but i work with this girl so i usually see her several times a week. Getting out of the situation is basically impossible unless i quit haha.

I was thinking of telling her straight up that i know of what shes doing with my friend and that its bothering me and that ive decided to end the friendship. Im thinking being genuine, telling her how its gonna be and cutting all contact with her is the way to go (and if i see her at work ill just ignore the shit outta her lol).

[MrAntiquity]

@Equil:

Careful with heavy subjects like the “what’s going on with us” in a work environment. You guys have/had a fling, doesn’t sound like she’s all that invested in it, and now she might be going for the same sort of thing w/a friend of yours. With respect to her, I’d absolutely back away–don’t be cold or ignore the shit out of her, but just back away, end the flirtation, just be nice to her as a normal co-worker and NO more. If she pursues you after that, well fine, take it from there–but maybe best if she doesn’t. She might be a flaky person who enjoys flings.

There’s another situation with your friend–it’s kind of a dick thing to do, and you may end up talking it out with him at some point–but that’s up to you. Good luck–these close-quarter situations are a pain.

[equilibrium48]

@MrA
I understand where you’re coming from backing away amd accepting that she’s not into me and being a normal coworker with her. That’ll save unnecessary drama and tension. But to be brutally honest thats easier said than done.
We’ve obviously had a thing together and she knows it as she still flirts hard with me. But backing off and acting normal while she plays these similar games with my friend i dont think i tolerate.

Yeah I’ve spoken to my friend about it and he told me that he’ll see where it goes with her and if it bothers me too much he’ll back off and cut it off with her.
Man I’ve never actually experienced such jealousy before lol its a horrible emotion.

[ryano]

see my post about the The Mindset. your “friend” is not your friend when it comes to his own interests, he’ll date her without giving you a second thought. you can count on that.

same as her, if she senses that he’s a better fit for her she’ll go with him instead of you. don’t be surprised if she sleeps with him either. what she told you about not sleeping don’t take at face value.

as far as what MrA said “If she pursues you after that, well fine, take it from there–but maybe best if she doesn’t.” that won’t happen as women rarely pursue. so you can forget about that. the only person that’s pursuing is your “friend” and she reciprocates favorably if she wants him.

so my advice:
1. don’t rely on your friend. he’ll do what’s right for him, not for you. and definitely don’t read his texts with her. the only thing you can ask of him is that he keeps his business to himself and not talk to you about it. getting into their business will eat you alive. better to focus on what’s right for you.
2. if you want her, try and get her. court her. be aggressive. eventually based on HER interests and what she sees as the optimal match for her she’ll decide between the two of you. don’t take this personally. she’ll do what’s right for her.

just know the goal is to find a girl that puts you in first priority. put your needs above these two. I personally couldn’t even date a girl that said she will wait until marriage for sex, so i’m pretty surprised you’re even interested in this girl.

try and get her emotionally invested though (you do that by her having sex with you). i know she said she doesn’t want to have sex. but if you make out with her next time, try and slip a finger here and there, get her horny enough to where she goes off the deep end and has sex with you anyway. (if you won’t i’m sure your friend will..)

[The_Hurricane]

Whether you want to end this drama or you want to let this girl know that you’re the man, your strategy is the same. Back off. Make yourself scarce. Stop hanging out with her and tell her you’re busy. Tell your friend to stop telling you about their relationship. Trying to hang on to this girl while she’s seeing someone else is what’s going to lose her. Getting out and doing your own thing while she worries about what happened to you is what’s going to preserve some chance that this relationship might work at some point in the future. That could be after she’s done with this guy. In either case, having the talk with her is just going to make you look like a wuss.

–Lee;

[equilibrium48]

@ryano
Thanks for the advice man. Yeah its a little messed up because ive tried to get her before and asked/told her were hanging out outside of work and she’d always make excuses and we’d never actually hang out. So that was already a red flag questioning her attraction towards me.
And yes i agree sex is important and if i cant get it from her i shouldnt pursue. I guess working with her and constantly flirting and making out created that emotional connection for me as lame as that sounds. I think my expectation was that I’d ‘get the girl’ eventually, and now that expectation is threatened which is bothering me.

@Lee
So basically end all contact with her and if she questions that say im busy? I guess since i work with her and see her a couple times a week, i should in a way ignore her, not initiate conversation, and not give her any sort of attention. This might help me distance myself from the drama but i think itll bother me knowing this is happening behind my back. Perhaps accepting the situation is the best bet and trying to move on.

[equilibrium48]

Hey just gonna briefly resurrect this post.

The girl is back from her trip and her and I are working a closing shift tomorrow. Whenever we would close together it would always end up with us making out after work.

Suggestions on how to play this one out?

I was thinking of going to make out with her and then after when we’re done, call her out for playing two fields with me and my friend. Or is that too mean? lol

[SomeguyUK]

Don’t ignore the good advice you’ve been given. Complaining doesn’t help.

What’s more, if you are gonna complain AFTER you made out with her, she’s going to think she’s got you wrapped around her little finger. If you’re still making out with her, you have no bargaining power here.

I think you have two options.

1. As soon as she makes any suggestion that you hang out, be totally upfront and just tell her you’re not spending any time with her while she sees your friend. No anger, no drama, just be honest and go home.

2. Do the disappearing act Lee suggests and leave her trying to figure out what happened. The mystery could work in your favour.

BTW I don’t think you have to ignore her at work. Don’t act like you’re pissed off. Just act like you would with any other work friend that you’re not getting intimate with.

Whatever you do, do NOT make out with her.

[equilibrium48]

I wasn’t planning on complaining. More like being honest with her and posing the question to her of where we stand, and where she and my friend stand.

I have discussed this with my friend and he said that if she initiates a make out with me then he’s done with her as he doesn’t want to be with a girl that’s playing two fields.

[ryano]

in that case make out with her then tell your friend she made out with you so he’ll leave you two the fuck alone.

also make sure you touch her all over while you’re making out with her to get her esp hot. and don’t bring up your friend whatsoever. dont even have a talk with her about it. just act like you dont know anything. heh.

[SomeguyUK]

I think you’re on the right track, but don’t pose a question, just lay down the law and say you’re not seeing her in this situation. She can either take it or leave it. But being sensitive and nice won’t change how she feels about you.

[ryano]

p.s she won’t initiate anything.
p.p.s bet you she’ll make out with you if you initiate though girls are ruthless.
p.p.p.s even though you initiate tell your friend you were just minding your business and she started making out with you. he’ll get mad and accuse her. all the while acting like a puss. then when she comes back to yell at you about it tell her you don’t know what she’s talking about and then tell her you’re in the middle of something and you’ll talk to her later. girls love drama. then contact her again in a week like nothing happened.

[equilibrium48]

Yeah i kind of thought about how she wont initiate the make out. She has one time though back in june but I think she was super horny then and i failed to capitalize on that and escalate haha.

But yeah i guess ill do that. Go for the make out, escalate and see where it goes after.

One thing though, if i initiate the make out and she says no amd makes a bullshit excuse what then? Drop the whole thing and act like nothing happened? Or then tell her that i know shes been playing my friend and myself.

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