kiss rejection

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    Met this pretty gal in the subway station last week.
    Did a direct approach and she stuck around for a bit, but I left bc I really did have somewhere else to go.

    I shot her a text a day later. Asked her out, which at first she said “sure why not?” Then bails at the last minute through text, but goes off asking me questions about me through text. So I just had a little fun texting her back and forth w a few light flirty messages. Before things get boring I just ignored her last text.

    Some days go by… I ACCIDENT run into her again at the subway station. She literally walk right past me without realizing it was me. I turned around and caught up to her by the stairs and in a joking way said, “hey! Whats up? Are u following me or something?” She laughed and smiled and we had a quick talk and I invited her to grab a seat with me. We talk for about 30 minutes, then I go for the KISS and she rejects. I play it off then I moved her.

    I took her to a small restaurant. She wasn’t hungry so I just alone and fed her a few small bites. At the end before leaving her, I try again to kiss her and again she rejects (I felt she would,) then we set up a time to meet again in a few days.

    I’ve been in a situation like this before and the last girl even had me over her house and we cuddled played around, but she wouldn’t kiss me. I waited 3 or 4 days and she still wouldn’t, so I ditched her.

    This new girl i’m hoping won’t be the same problem.

    When I see her again and she don’t kiss me should I just get up and cut our time early? Or does she want me to keep trying? I’m trying to set something up where she’ll cook me a nice meal at her place.


    You’re asking the classic question. Is it better to pull back or to keep trying? If you’re going to try again, the ideal scenario goes something like this. You try. She won’t let you. You pull back. She feels she’s losing you, which wasn’t her intention, so she starts cooperating. You try again and succeed. Here is what’s different about your story. You didn’t really pull back and she didn’t really cooperate, which is why going in again was a mistake. When you pull back, she has to feel like she may be losing you. Inviting her to a restaurant and trying again only makes you look weaker and more desperate. What should you do now? Given the way the dynamic is going so far, I would not ask her out. I’d ping her every week or so but I’d let her suggest getting together. Will she? Maybe not. She’s been passive with this whole thing so far. But if she does, you know that you again have some leverage. Until then, you have to be patient.


    Introverted Playboy

    I’ve had a surprising number of cases where I randomly ran into girls that I had approached before and gotten contact info (and asked her out, and she did not bite). Each time, it seemed like maybe there was a chance to re-spark the interest. But each time, I never actually met up with her. This case looks like it might be similar. Although good job with the instant date.

    I agree with Lee, you’ve invested a lot already. It’s her turn to step up to the plate and invest back. (It’s quite possible she’s just been enjoying the validation the whole time: She’s flattered that you want to kiss her, but has no desire to actually go through with it.)

    One way to split the difference might be to mention a group activity you’re doing (going out with a bunch of friends on the weekend for instance), and say “you’re welcome to come.” That way you don’t show too much interest and you give her the chance to take some initiative.

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