Is it a numbers game?

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    Is picking up women a numbers game?

    When I first started learning how to talk to women, I was just focused on learning and improving talking to women. I wasn’t focused so much on scoring a date with them (if I got a date, then that would be a bonus).

    But as I learned to get comfortable talking to them, I started to qualify and filter the ones I enjoy being around with vs the ones who I don’t feel a connection with.

    Is picking up women a numbers game?

    Its only a numbers game if you don’t know what you want. You cast your bait, and hope that anything hooks.

    Most PUA tell you that you need to keep sarging, and keep going out there and practice picking up women. Although I do agree on the keep practicing bit, but I don’t entirely agree with picking up any random woman you meet.

    Imagine a guy named Arthur who goes to a public place and starts picking up random women that he sees. Some respond to him, while others do not. At the end of the day, he managed to score a few digits. Good for Arthur.

    Now imagine yourself going to local hangout place that you like — Lets say that it was starbucks. You like the atmosphere, you like the people. And then you see this cute woman sitting alone by herself.

    Shes reading a book about a topic that you are also passionate in. so you go up to her and you both start a conversation about the book. You’re both giggling, having fun getting to know each other, and have a deep conversation about topics that you both like and enjoy.

    At the end of the conversation you excuse yourself and ask for her number—which she happily gives. And you go back home and send her text when to meet up for your first date.

    Shogo explains in his website that most men would go to any bar, tries his luck on any random woman he meets and hopes that he gets selected—or laid by the woman. These men give power to the woman to decide or not decide whether she will sleep with him or not.

    Shogo advices that you need to start qualifying women, and becoming the selector and not the selected.

    Its only a numbers game if you don’t know what you want. You cast your bait and hope that anything hooks. But Its not a numbers game if you know your worth and set standards for yourself—if you know what kind of people you want in your life, as well as whom you don’t want.

    The selectors, the men who attract women into their lives naturally, have taken the time to think about what qualities turn them on in a woman. They look at what they desire and what they crave in a woman, and they are not willing to sleep with just anyone…
    Don’t you really want to be the selector and not always the selected?
    Set standards for yourself. Explore what kind of a woman actually turns you on mentally, physically, and how she makes you feel–and go after that. Every woman has breasts and a vagina.
    Truly believe that when you’re going out to meet new people, or when you’re on a date with a new woman, what you are looking for is a woman who will really blow your mind—along with everything else…

    – See more at:

    Take the time to get to know yourself, and figure out who you would want in your life.

    for me, its not about who gets the most dates (quantity), but Its about meeting the right person who you both have a deep connection with (quality).

    What are your interests? What do you like to talk about? If you were to travel with a potential partner on a 10 hour flight, what would you two be discussing about?

    Deep down inside, do you really just want to have sex with a bunch of women? Or do you want to have amazing sex with a smoking hot woman who you feel incredible being around?


    I generally agree with this—but the idea of the numbers game is that that any percent of 0 is still 0, and you’re never going to get everybody.

    But yeah–I don’t like the “practice on everybody” philosophy either–because both the guy and the girl knows it’s meaningless unless you’re putting on a really good act. That’s why so many so-called “PUA”s have terrible success rates compared with normal guys who happen to be comfortable with girls.

    That said, if you’re stuck at the beginning, you DO need to practice a lot just to see what you’re capable of, and how interpersonal interactions like this work.


    It is definitely a numbers game.

    It makes sense to me that if you meet people in a situation where you are likely to have passions or values in common, you’re more likely to connect. We all have ‘demographics’ that we are probably more compatible and incompatible with.

    However, even within your ‘demographic’, there are going to be women who are virtually perfect for you but are just not receptive at the time. But often you don’t really know who is going to be receptive until you approach.

    So you are going to have to approach a few. Sometimes you ‘get lucky’ and meet someone who is receptive on your first approach. Sometimes not till your 10th approach. Then, as Frez points out, there will be some women who are receptive that you just don’t like.

    For me, it’s also about my personal state rather than the girl’s receptiveness. My first approach of the day is often clunky and awkward, but by my 5th approach I am feeling much more warmed up and getting way better responses.

    So to summarise, I think unless you are adept at attracting and reading approach signals, and you’re always on top form even in your first approach, it will be a numbers game.

    Lee has talked about qualification on here a lot, but personally I have had mixed experiences with it. I think it has to be genuine for it to really work, and when I’m phoning it in, the girls can tell.


    Most approach issues we guys face can be summed up as some combination of overcoming AA and the skill at making the most of the opportunity generated by the approach.

    Most days I wake up and I am some level of stiff….it takes anywhere from 2-5 random openings of unknown women to get me warmed up or ramped up to the point where the AA has gone down and the skill is allowed to take over.

    It’s important to be selective about the women I’m going to date. But the best way to improve the selection of women is to approach more.….having more choices enables me to become much more selective about those I will actually end up spending time with.

    I always keep in mind that even women who have been very receptive to me during the approach have ended up flaking later.

    So its definitely a numbers game….but of course, if the girl is not my type or within my ‘demographic’ then the only reason to approach her would be to warm up and I would it leave after that. No wasting time on qualification or other conversation with her.

    If I am warmed up and getting some good or interesting sets on any particular day, I would skip all the girls that are not of interest to me and focus on the ones that are.


    great discussion guys! I guess I should’ve titled this topic as “be the selector— not the selected.” as that was what i wanted to point out. lol

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