Inhibited after "big" rejections — lost my hard work & effort?

[sixstepper]

Hey guys, it’s me again!
I’m somewhat disappointed & a little discouraged that I have been more inhibited than I was back then after experiencing some “big” rejections — namely (if you haven’t been reading my posts) being taken by a security guard to a dark room, forcefully ID-ed (despite me asking “What for?”), then told that I can’t flirt with the girls there; and a woman shouting “BACK OFF!” after I asked her if she sees any good book around (the fear in this event also stems from the former actually — I feared being kicked out of the bookstore, or even arrested).

My fear now doesn’t really come from fear of rejection, but fear of getting into trouble, or being accused of sexual harassment. It may sound silly, but the fear is too real when I’m out there.

It feels like all my hard work that I’ve been doing for months is gone.

What should I do to restore my awesomeness (preferably a quick fix, as I wasn’t this inhibited back then)? I have been forcing myself to do what I’ve been doing, but fear & inhibition is still there. I missed those moments of ballsy-ness.

Also, what’s the best way to handle such big negative events, if they were to happen in the future, so that it won’t affect me much (or won’t affect me at all)?

Thanks again for all the support!!!

[The_Hurricane]

The only thing you can do to overcome the impact of these very rare negative events is to put them in perspective, and the only way to do that is to approach more. You will eventually internalize the belief that these things happen very rarely and, even when they do, have no permanent consequences whatsoever. Yes, every once in a while you will get an overzealous guard, manager, or employee, but their actions have no legal standing and you should just laugh it off, which is what you will learn to do.

I do have one piece of advice for you regarding your approach. You can reduce the incidence of these negative events a lot by doing one thing: stop doing direct approaches in relatively quiet, crowded places. I am not a fan of direct to begin with, but if you’re going to do it, do it on the street or in places where you don’t have a big audience.

An audience can work for you, but it can also work against you. If a woman feels cornered and embarrassed, she will react more negatively than she will if she can simply walk away or ignore you. The flip side is that you are demonstrating some big balls by doing a direct approach in front of a crowd, but I find that the trade-off works better for more experienced men.

–Lee

[sixstepper]

Looks like I can’t really approach anymore in some circumstances — such as in a bookstore where there are staff and sometimes security guards. The anxiety (not of rejection, but of getting into trouble) is probably worse than when I started. I still can, however, stand next to her.

Looks like I just have to keep standing next to women (Step 2) like I did back then in those circumstances/places before I can talk to them again. This is rather sad 🙁

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