How to proceed here?

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Eric Disco 3 months ago.

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  • #73804

    WhatToDo
    Participant

    Long story short:

    I’ve been seeing/getting intimate with a former colleague of mine since January. She has been a friend for the past six years and we’ve always flirted, but things never got to the next level until this year. At first she was cheating on her boyfriend of 1 year with me for a few months (big red flag, I know) before I pulled out because I started to develop real feelings for her. I went no contact but she came back a couple weeks later asking me to hang out. We did, ended up hooking up again and a couple weeks after that she broke up with her boyfriend.

    Since then we have been seeing each other very regularly and talking every day and texting heavy. That said, I’ve gotten the sense from talking to her and seeing her behavioral/texting patterns during the past few weeks that she is also starting to see another “friend” because they’ve been hanging out more regularly. She confessed to me that this “friend” is an old fling, but *said* they aren’t hooking up and she just enjoys his company since she wasn’t able to hang with him when she was in a relationship because they had history. I don’t buy it because of how often they’ve hung out (just a notch below me and her, I’d say), but we’re not exclusive so not much I can say/do.

    Anyhow, I know and realize I’ve gotten a little softer in my stance with her because I want something serious with her. She’s told me she’s not ready to commit right now and has to heal from her last relationship but says she has feelings for me and does think we *could* get there. Just not yet. Could be lip service or could be the honest truth, I don’t know.

    Still, I’m thinking she’s noticed me being a little softer during the past week or so because she is now taking substantially longer to respond to texts, is more dry and brief and less warm and sweet in her messages, and we now go longer periods throughout the day without communicating altogether.

    While those have raised flags for me, there is also the other side of the equation. She cooked for me for the first time last week, had a toothbrush for me to use when I slept over, has kept having good sex with me (this has never been a problem), asked me to have lunch with a pair of her friends (which she said came away really fond of me), and even got into a squabble with another girl friend who responded negatively to her when she was presenting the idea of me and her getting closer.

    I want to regain some power/control here so as to not lose her, but don’t want to come off as being a dick/trying to hard to not talk to her. I’ve read some of the articles here like advanced techniques, but how do I go about this without pushing her too far (maybe even into that former flings’ arms)?

    #73806

    Eric Disco
    Keymaster

    She *said* they aren’t hooking up. I don’t buy it.

    Good. You shouldn’t. But it doesn’t matter, unless a girl is exclusive with me, I always assume that she’s seeing two other guys with less game than me. At least that is how I run my game with her.

    She’s told me she’s not ready to commit right now and has to heal from her last relationship but says she has feelings for me and does think we *could* get there. Just not yet. Could be lip service or could be the honest truth, I don’t know.

    I hate to see guys push for a relationship. You should always try to get her to push for a relationship. It puts a man in a very bad position. It doesn’t matter if what she is saying are real or made-up excuses, watch her actions. She’s not giving you exclusivity. That means you don’t have leverage with her.

    she is now taking substantially longer to respond to texts, is more dry and brief and less warm and sweet in her messages, and we now go longer periods throughout the day without communicating altogether.

    These are very serious signals to pay attention to. More evidence you don’t have enough leverage with her.

    While those have raised flags for me, there is also the other side of the equation. She cooked for me for the first time last week, had a toothbrush for me to use when I slept over, has kept having good sex with me (this has never been a problem), asked me to have lunch with a pair of her friends (which she said came away really fond of me), and even got into a squabble with another girl friend who responded negatively to her when she was presenting the idea of me and her getting closer.

    These are good signs and mean that you do have some leverage to work with. But you definitely do not have hand with this girl.

    I’ve read some of the articles here like advanced techniques, but how do I go about this without pushing her too far (maybe even into that former flings’ arms)?

    When you say you’ve read some of my stuff, I assume you mean this:

    Advanced Tactics to Turn Back the Tide

    You can’t be worried about pushing her into the other guy’s arms. If you do, all your moves will be weak. Assume the other guy has less game than you. If you become a challenge to her, she will want you more than the other guy.

    A few years ago I was seeing a girl who was openly non-monogamous. I wouldn’t really see that kind of girl anymore because I’m not into girls like that anymore. It’s a deal breaker if she tells me she wants an open relationship. But when we first met, she told me she was seeing two other guys. Me and her hooked up and we started seeing each other. She had a birthday party and invited those guys out. Again, I wouldn’t see a girl like that now, but back then I was up for some bullshit.

    I went to the party. Those two other guys hung all over her while I danced, talked to other people and flirted with other girls. By the end of the night, she was practically begging me to take her home. If I had acted worried about her banging those other dudes, I would probably have hung all over her and crowded her just like they did.

    Eric

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