How to convert ping into buy in?
August 26, 2014 at 9:06 pm #71530EJ_apParticipant
First of all i would like to thank Lee. You give a lot of good advices and i really do appreciate it.
Long story short. I met this girl. We went out next day. The bond was amazing. She was the first one to show more interest but somewhere down the line i either showed i like her too much or too much into her. Asked her out on second date. Response was busy but next week should be ok. Next week she said busy again. Then i randomly bumped into to her on the street few days later. We had a chat and she said she just has something she dealing with. I told made a mistake and told her that do like her. Response was that she said we hang out soon. I stopped contacting her after. Few weeks later bumped into her again. She was rather non responsive and disinterested.
Few weeks later i sent her a ping but not a flirty one, she responded right away. We exchanged few messages back and forth. Then i cut the conversation. She wished me something along the lines like have an amazing afternoon.
Should i send her a ping next week? But i’m running out of ideas. I don’t want to ask her out again to not ruin it.August 26, 2014 at 10:55 pm #71531ryanoParticipant
Argh, I’ll say it once and I’ll say it a million times. Never trust ONE girl.
Here’s how her week is going:
1. Monday she gets fucked by David, a guy she’s been seeing for a few weeks now.
2. Tuesday her cat gets sick and needs to go to vet.
3. Wednesday a childhood friend visits her and spends the night.
4. Thursday she eats chinese food alone in her room.
5. Friday she goes out with a bunch of colleagues to a bar.
6. Saturday her mom and her spend the entire day together, shopping, and having fun.
7. Sunday she is just so damn tired from the entire week and needs alone time.
Now let’s quiz you, from the above which day was the best to text her?
GOOD JOB!!! it was Thursday. (mb Friday night even if she’s having a lull in the conversation with her colleagues).
Now let’s quiz you again, was there any way you couldn’t known this?
And one last thing: why doesn’t she initiate a text with you?
BECAUSE SHE’S A GIRL, AND GIRLS DON’T INITIATE SHIT. (until after you sleep with them)
You text a BUNCH of girls at the same time. If you have the skills text 20+ at a time. if you don’t have the skills text 5 at a time. That way one girl is randomly free on a given day to text you back, the more girls you text the happier your outcome will be. But you never RELY on one girl. EVER.
So you ping her once in awhile, and sure it’s _okay_ to ask her out right now. But just don’t be upset when she doesn’t respond; she’s probably getting it by either her mom, david, the cat, or longterm friend. just don’t oneitis about it and think you did anything wrong. I promise you did nothing wrong. and I equally promise there is nothing you can do to change her schedule: no awesome text, no sending her an awesome funny picture will do it. NOTHING. actually, I take that back. Maybe you can tell her you’re throwing a yacht party, see if she responds and then just say “kidding!” and accuse her of being a gold digger. but yeah, doing anything else will make you seem over eager. if you can ping her every now and then for a couple months (space the texts out as much as you can, and send them in different times – maybe one in the morning, one late at night, etc etc). Then it shows persistence not neediness. Delete her if she doesn’t answer to 3-4 texts in a row though.September 2, 2014 at 10:37 pm #71572SomeguyUKParticipant
It sounds like she was quite responsive on your last exchange, so I say go for it. For all you know she might have just split up with someone she was dating. If you leave it to long, she might go cold.
Do you really text girls another 1-2 times if they have already ignored you twice?!
And I have to disagree about girls initiating. I’ve had girls initiate plenty of conversations (after I’ve made first contact).September 2, 2014 at 10:56 pm #71573
If you don’t come across as a dog trying to get whatever bone they throw you, girls can and do initiate plenty. With very rare exceptions, they won’t approach you, but will they email you? Happens to me all the time. Even on the approach, they have other ways of giving you the runway to approach them. They pretend that they need you to take their picture with their friends. They ask you how to work a vending machine (one of my exs). It all depends on how you play it. If you give them certainty of your interest, no, they won’t initiate shit. If you’re legitimately on the fence about them and they dig you, will they make a move to get you off that fence? Absolutely.
–LeeSeptember 3, 2014 at 1:11 am #71574ryanoParticipant
Hell some of my best friends don’t respond to 1-2 of my messages I don’t take it personally. People get legitimately busy sometimes. So you try again in a few weeks and you catch them at a better time. But yeah, if I notice after 4 messages or so (spaced out over a few weeks) I haven’t heard anything from then I’ll just delete their number. Also some of the messages I make are accusational like “hey haven’t heard from you in awhile, everything good?” or “yooohooo anyone home?”
Dunno. you’re probably right. However, I just don’t ever rely on women to initiate or lead anything they seem to be horrible at it. Like I told my friend, giving a girl your number is like giving a deer a gun or giving a fish a rod. Same with msging them something like “kk well msg me later when u’re free to talk”. Of’course after you’re in some kind of relationship I find they’ll message you all the time, so this is primarily in the courtship process.September 3, 2014 at 1:55 am #71575
I don’t have very high hopes for this because she’s already said no to you twice without suggesting an alternative. When they want to see you, they suggest an alternative. I would just let it go. Ping her again in a month and if she starts asking questions about you, ask her out. If she doesn’t, ping her again in two months. My prediction is that this will go nowhere, but you can’t just stay in this lukewarm, friendly dynamic with her.
Examples of text pings:
“i’m at a party on a boat. there’s a girl on the dance floor who looks just like you. makes me want to flirt with her :-)”
“it might be fun, but it’s dangerous, it’s stupid, and it’s illegal. you guys enjoy yourselves, though.” 1 minute later: “yikes sorry wrong im. hi <whateverHerNameIs>! please ignore”
–LeeSeptember 4, 2014 at 8:13 pm #71578EJ_apParticipant
Yea the ping about dangerous and stupid i can’t really use. She used that on me the first night we met. It went something along i’m already home, have a good night. And then oops wrong person; how are you?
Thinking i should let it go. Have been in relationship around 10 years so that put me out of the game.September 5, 2014 at 5:09 pm #71580
It sounds like you actually do know what to do, but just don’t stick to the plan very well. It’s ok. Sticking to the plan is hard, but if you follow the rules long enough, they will become second nature to you.
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