How do you deal with frustration

[zhelyazko]

Hi guys,

I often find myself frustrated that I am not making any progress. Unlike other activities in life where I can just persist (e.g. martial arts, work, etc.) in pick up I have to be in a good state.

How do you get yourself to this state?

Kind Regards,
Zhelyazko Grudov

[The_Hurricane]

This is where coaching really helps. No matter how bad your game, you should be seeing a constant stream of small improvements. They could be really small. They could be slightly longer conversations or a little smile or a question directed back to you. If you are not seeing that steady stream of improvements, you are doing something wrong, and you need a coach to point it out to you. It’s very hard to coach yourself. You can be saying all the right things and losing the game with your body language. Or you could be a jittery banter monkey, trying so hard to impress her. Or… there are so many ways to screw this up. I bet you if you get a good coach to look at your game for 2 hours, he’ll have a lot of comments for you. In the end, it’s that constant stream of small improvements that keeps you going when you don’t have any success. You know that eventually success will come. If you’re not seeing those improvements, it’s much harder to stay motivated without some actual success.

–Lee

[SomeguyUK]

If its any consolation zhel, your fellow board member here is pretty frustrated too at the moment!

For me, its mainly because I get numbers but nobody ever answers..but at least I am getting into more conversations these days.

Might look into getting coaching myself.

[Cartoox]

@ ZHel – I would strongly recommend coaching…..by someone who’s style / ideas you are in general agreement with….

Keep working it….we are all there with you , experiencing frustration on a daily basis , mostly at ourselves…..:) but every day there is some teenie weenie improvement and it adds up over the weeks and months….

The thing is , we can do our part, and thats all we have control over….the other half, the girl’s response , well we can influence that by our approach and how we present ourselves…thats what these discussions are all about…. but there’s always a strong element of chance there….

all we can do is keep working on ourselves and keep approaching….and then one day a routine pickup will turn into a great experience for you….

[zhelyazko]

Thanks for the support 🙂

I am also now looking for a job (after graduation). Once I save up the money I will get a visa and a flight to the US and get some coaching. Much better than risking it with somebody I do not know over in the UK.

Kindest Regards,
Zhelyazko

[SomeguyUK]

@zhel

Where are you based in the UK man?

[MrAntiquity]

@Zhel:

Well pending your trip to the U.S. it can’t hurt to at least meet with someone in your area for a session or two–might give you some insight.

There’s a pretty vibrant (yet often really weird) “PUA” scene in London (god I hate that term, but that’s what it is)–my only advice is buyer beware 🙂

Maybe Lee/Eric can point you in the right direction.

[zhelyazko]

Thank you @MrAntiquity, I might try that.

@SomeguyUK I am based in Birmingham, but I go to London quite often for interviews and the such, you?

As a side note, I think that my biggest sticking point is sexual escalation, right now. I find it more difficult to overcome as I often have only a very short period of time to react… and I miss it. But will keep pushing until I get over it.

Kind Regards,
Zhelyazko

[zhelyazko]

I really do appreciate having this sounding board of people, who can relate as a lot of my friends do not understand why it is difficult for me.

[SomeguyUK]

Cool man. Im in London so let’s hit the streets next time you are down. Maybe we can help each other.

I think more people struggle with this stuff than will admit it. I have friends who are great guys but struggle to attract any woman, let alone an attractive one.

[zhelyazko]

I would really like that, SomeguyUK.

Please email me at grudovz@gmail.com and I will let you know when I am coming and we can potentially arrange.

[Author]

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