How did I do?

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    Just had an interaction with a really cute girl. Was mostly trying to get used to using the opener but I tried to be a bit challenging in conversation too.

    Any tips on what to do better/what to do next would be appreciated.

    Me: *deep thoughts opener* if I could have the time back I would learn another language, because I like travel. What would you do?

    Her: hmm…I don’t know

    Me: it’s a hard one, but you should think about it.

    Her: true. I like what you said about travel though

    Me: have you travelled much?

    Her: not too much, I’ve only been to Europe

    Me: Ok. I can hear a bit of an accent on you

    Her: I’m from the Netherlands

    Me: cool. So are you just visiting or did you run away from home?

    Her: I’m just visiting

    Me: so what do you think of London?

    Her: I like it…it’s good for shopping!

    Me: certainly is. But you’re not one of those girls that do nothing but shop are you?

    Her: oh no, I like music and concerts a lot (I sensed that we could have had some common ground here and I can talk about music, but it’s lead me to dead ends before so I purposely avoided it)

    Me: Nice. I get the feeling you do something creative

    Her: I’m a graphic logos

    Me: oh like advertising?

    Her: yes

    Me: you don’t sound too happy about it (she didn’t)

    Her: it’s ok…I’d rather be drawing

    (We go back and forward on this but I couldn’t really understand what she said)

    Me: Guess what I do

    Her: umm…you play in a band?

    Me: got it first time. Ok for bonus points, guess which instrument

    Her: bass?

    Me: close, I play guitar. It’s funny cos people usually guess that straight away.

    (After this I let it go silent for a couple of seconds then shook her hand and said a friendly goodbye. She didn’t seem desperate to leave but she seemed pretty shy but she wasn’t giving me much and I didn’t know where else to go)


    Not a great interaction but hey, at least I got past the new opener. I was pretty nervous though, which probably didn’t do me any favours. Any thoughts?


    Awesome job. I like the tone of this, slightly challenging. There’s not much to change here. 1) You need a good identity story. Your description of what you do – the band and the instrument you play – is informational but not awe inspiring or challenging. That’s why previous attempts to talk about music probably didn’t go anywhere. 2) I like “What do you? Do you sing? Do you dance? Do you read? Do you write?” more than “I get the feeling you do something creative” for two reasons. First the latter is a compliment. Second, my way gives her more permission to talk about her passion rather than her work, which is helpful if her work is something she’s not into. 3) You could have gone on. She may not have seemed enthusiastic, but that could just be her natural shyness. She was jumping through all of your hoops. If you knew where to go from there, you could have kept going. If you keep getting to this point in your game, you should think of a good topic that you’d like to talk about with a woman, something that is meaningful to you. Give me a topic and I’ll show you how to build a transition to it.



    Oh what the hell–I’ll chime in before the masters get here 🙂

    Good for you for getting past something that made you a bit uncomfortable (saying something different). And good on you for staying in there awhile.

    Not seeing too much in the way of connection though–but there’s things that you might improve next time. For example, your interaction sounded like a pretty stock back-and-forth interaction. Maybe a couple of small attempts to flirt with her, but not much –i think you really could have used the “drawing” thing to start transitioning into personal stuff. “what’s the first thing you ever drew? can you remember?” or “That just made me think about how some of the most inspirational things from childhood (e.g. drawing) get stamped on by careers…did you ever think about doing more with art? Were you afraid to?” (answer is often yes–and you can get deeply personal with that)

    Second thing–it sounds like you were so eager to use some of Lee/Eric’s lines in places that you forgot to listen to the girl! Those lines are there for punctuation, transitions if you need them. They’re not a blueprint. The “you seem like you do something creative” line and the “guess what i do” line sounded a bit forced in the interaction. YOu want to lead the conversation to a point–but you also want to work with what she’s givingyou.

    My 2 (or 3) cents…


    Thanks for the help guys.


    Yeah I know what you’re saying – unfortunately with the drawing thing
    the language barrier kicked in so I wasn’t able to understand what she was saying, and I panicked.

    That conversation was definitely 80% Eric’s and Lee’s lines, haha. To be honest I am pretty comfortable having normal ‘validating’ conversations and that might have worked here. But I wanted to push myself to go in a different direction. I will work on bouncing off her more though.


    Thanks for the help. Hmm, I’m trying to think of what’s meaningful to me. I’m passionate about playing music, travel (I actually end up talking about New York a lot as it’s my favourite place), self improvement, comedy. And like yourself, social dynamics.

    With the music thing, what I meant is I didn’t want to get into a conversation about what bands we like. I could have asked ‘what’s your favourite band?’ but I find if it turns out you don’t like the same music as the girl, you actually lose rapport. You say I should go awe-inspiring/challenging here. Do you mean something like this:

    Me: I play guitar. Do you play anything?

    Her: No but I always wanted to (obviously sometimes she will say yes)

    Me: You should learn. It can be amazing. When you are playing to a crowd who is enjoying what you are doing, it’s like this circle of energy going back and forth between you and the crowd, like they are controlling you and you are controlling them. You almost become one – it’s like sex, but better!


    That’s certainly much more awe inspiring than the other description, yes. You love what you do. It may not be your job. (Sounds like it is your job, in this case.) But there is something you love. Having a passion for something and being able to explain it is itself cool and high value.



    I think you did great…sounds like it was a street pickup ?

    if I may suggest, embellish a bit and add a few statements of your own to make it more conversation-like….

    For example

    you: so what do you think of London?
    Her: I like it…it’s good for shopping!
    you: certainly is. “ London is probably one of the best cities in the world for shopping, and not just for women….the stuff we have for guys here is amazing too….But tell me, you’re not one of those girls that does nothing but shop are you?

    as an aside, if she jumped through all your hoops and wasn’t making any signs of walking away, there is always the possibility that she liked you and felt a bit nervous herself….:)


    It was actually in Topshop, my favourite place to go. Yeah I have a feeling she was actually interested on some level, which makes me want to get right back in ‘the field’.

    That was a great suggestion there Cartoox, thanks.

    Lee – would you mind explaining the transition, as you mentioned?

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