Hot to approach with legitimate reasons?
July 31, 2014 at 3:24 am #71368
and let me also add that attraction to someone is not so much of their behavior of being aloof or playing a certain way.
It’s moreso their body language, their tonality, how they look at me, their humor, intelligence, their humility, hidden stuff like that. things that they would never be able to fake. nonverbal shit that I look for. their upbringing, which essentially dictates their demeanor. their unique look, how physically attractive they are to me, etc. It’s not so much the shallow bullshit people talk about online as far as “she did xyz, now how do I come back at her like this…” to “generate attraction”. one of my ex-gfs for example, we were together for 2 years in college, I loved her dearly, I think we had sex on the first date. we broke all “rules” we played zero games with eachother. but we were just uniquely compatible, it was apparent from the first 10 minutes of knowing her and we couldnt get enough of eachother. she accepted me and all my imperfections. and as far as she was concerned, it’s not so much as what she did as it was who she was. noone could ever be like her or fake being like her.
other girls I can go on a date with them, and i’m just not attracted to them, to their personality.. sometimes though it’s just a physical thing and we end up having sex and never seeing eachother again. every girl is different…
but this whole notion of “i do this and this and this and then this person will like me” to me is just baloney. either people like you for yourself (ie the personality you are, your physicality etc, that’s unique to you) or they do not. I personally don’t change myself for anyone, I filter them out just by being myself. and I don’t expect any girl to change herself for me either. if she does, she’s just a wildcard that I don’t want anyway.August 1, 2014 at 3:53 pm #71373The_HurricaneKeymaster
I think of an approach like an interview. If you had a day to demonstrate your skills, aptitudes, and interests, and you actually had the skills for the job, everyone would be good at interviews. But an interview is short, and there are some strategies that work better than others. A skilled interviewee will not only get across the point that she is a valuable asset to the firm, but will also get an answer to the question of whether the firm is right for her. That pressure that the firm feels to satisfy the ambitions of a really good candidate makes the firm want her more, which in turn makes the firm more willing to spend more to get her.
Now, what advice would you give to the interviewee? Just wing it? Make mistakes. Say whatever comes to mind. Don’t prepare. Tell them you lost your resume and attempt to recite they key points from memory? Go into the interview with no strategy at all? Have fun with it and say whatever comes to mind? Ha!
There is nothing natural about approaching a woman on the street. It’s not how men actually met women over the last 30,000 years. We are not naturally wired for this the way we are naturally wired for sex. For basic sex, we need almost no instruction. But, as this article reports – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1270271/Beautiful-women-bad-health-raise-stress-hormones.html – when most men approach beautiful women, their stress levels spike into dangerous territory. What this shows is that we are not wired to approach beautiful women.
My advice to students of social dynamics is to stop the pretense that this is the most natural thing in the world. Stop the pretense that you already have all of the tools you need to be effective, and learn some good strategies for doing it well.
Having a good strategy for interviewing doesn’t mean that you’re going to say the same thing as everyone else. You have your own skills, aptitudes, and interests, so what you say should be unique. What won’t be unique – or at least shouldn’t be – are the strategies that you will use to present your value to the interviewer. It’s ok not to reinvent these strategies. Using them doesn’t make you a clone of other job applicants. The same goes for pickup.
–LeeAugust 1, 2014 at 7:50 pm #71374
An interview, or business- is not the greatest analogy. Business is all about logic, your skillset, your resume, your past experiences, and so forth. It’s very cut and dry.
Girls are the opposite– I find the moment you start putting things in some kind of rigid format it kills the spontaneity and improvisation. If you’ve taken any improv classes they tell you to just clear your mind and that there are no rules and say whatever u want. Same with girls.. unlike an interview, they get joy from off the cuff things, silly humor. Messing with them, spinning their words to something they didn’t intend, doing and saying something unexpected, leading them, etc. I hate any kind of format or rigidity. To give you an example, every opener I’ve used is usually different, every conversation is different, every date is different.
I know you are good with this stuff, so I’m not trying to push my ideas on you. But back to the topic at hand, the OP initially asked what are some good “legimitate reasons” to start a conversation. and my point is you’re a man. that gives you enough reason to start a conversation ANY WAY YOU WANT TO with a girl standing next to you. so you don’t need any legitimate reason to talk to them. I usually get a number from 1 in 5 girls, cold approach daygame. I also find that roughly half of the girls I talk to have a bf, so whatever opener I use won’t work anyway that’s why I don’t even think too hard about the openers and don’t put so much emphasis or thought into any interaction. I’ll give you a few conversation starters I had this week roughly half of these generated numbers–
1. “hey, I had to double back and say hello. sorry for being forward, but I couldnt help it. you just had such a great body..” — street
2. “what’s that word on your shirt say?” — street
3. “is that backpack for travel or for school?” — said to chick sitting next to me for cafe
4. “are you going to work?” — said in subway platform to girl next to me
5. “hey, how’s it going? you work around here?” — girl sitting next to me during lunchtime.
6. “wait! before you get into that car, can I get your number?” — street, woman about to enter her car
7. “hey, where are you from? i see you’re looking at a map..” — girl had a map of city and was standing next to me.
8. “hey are you a good cook? I’m looking for a good cook I’m horrible at it. can u make me a sandwich sometime” — supermarket
10. “hey, how do you know when those tomatoes are ripe?” (girl: blablablalbla) me: “are you really gonna fall for that line? that’s like the oldest pickup line in the book” — supermarket
11. “hey, mind if I sit down with you for a minute?” – girl sitting at cafe close to my work. she said “sure”.
12. “hey, what are you reading?” – girl next to me in sbux.
13. “hey are you on facebook, what’s the status?” — girl standing next to me on her phone. “here, I’ll give you a status update.. random guy hitting on me”.
and on and on.. my openers is whatever I think up in the moment, can be direct/indirect/situational. whatever I come up with I just say. My only rule is: have no rules and just have fun messing with people. similarly, I talk to alot of people in general during the day, not just girls I’m interested.. so sometimes I’ll also start conversations with guys for the purpose of friendship or networking, here’s a few conversations I had this week:
1. “peanut butter, i like that too. but it’s fattening no?” — supermarket, buff guy that eventually gave me advice about nutrition, etc.
2. “hey I’m digging the shades..” – said to old dude next to me in the gym that was wearing sunglasses but was so old he didn’t even realize he was wearing them.
3. “what company is on that floor?” — random person next to me in the elevator.
4. “wow, I really like your shirt.. where’d you get that from?” — to random guy walking next to me in street
5. “can I get a cigarette? you guys from italy btw?” – had a conversation with them about italy vs america..
as far as girls, I don’t try to limit myself, if I get a bad reaction (which is not uncommon) I just move on and talk to another girl, they’re a dime a dozen in a big city anyway.
my point is, break all the rules. it’s fine that you’re a man that wants to talk to a woman. you can literally say anything. it doesn’t matter for shit. as long as you just get your jaw moving and get into any kind of interaction that’s good.August 3, 2014 at 1:20 am #71377The_HurricaneKeymaster
If someone asked me whether my backpack was for travel or school or was pleasantly surprised to see me eating peanut butter even though it’s fattening, I would be 99% sure that that I was on my way to the most boring and trivial conversation of the month and perhaps the year. Yes, I’ve used all of these situation openers and I used to teach them to students in a company that specializes in natural game. Girls will talk to you for any number of reasons. Exchanging pleasantries and chit chat makes them feel desirable. However, if you don’t quickly turn that conversation around, you will be learning almost nothing about her value and she will be learning nothing about yours. Can you still get dates? Sure. I’ve gotten them myself. But what reason do I have to go on those dates? I teach men to give women an extraordinary experience, and in the process find out if those women are good enough for them. I wouldn’t even want to go on a date with a woman I met as a result of a conversation like the ones you’re describing. Unless we can quickly get to the stuff that’s interesting and revealing, I am going to decide that this woman is not good enough for me, at which point I’m just going to walk away. If your plan is to open with something mundane and immediately transition to something more exciting, what’s the point of opening with something mundane to begin with? Isn’t it better to simply set the stage for your exciting conversation be opening with something that usually leads to an exciting conversation?
–LeeAugust 3, 2014 at 6:02 am #71378
How can you infer the content of a conversation just by the first sentence? I’ve had a situation that I asked a girl about the material of her jacket (boring right?) fast forward 3 hours and we’re having sex in my apt. Similarly a couple months back I asked two girls for a lighter (boring right?) and we had a threesome that same day.
I don’t think the opener matters really just as two people can start talking and get to know eachother. As mentioned, some openers are direct some are more indirect, it depends on my mood though. Sometimes I’m not in the mood to get into an “exciting” conversation off the bat with every person that’s around me. I just talk about what interests me in that moment, I don’t even think about what I say half the time, it’s just a throwaway comment to begin a conversation with someone.
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