Hi-Valu ping

[MrAntiquity]

Hi forumites.

Awhile ago I posted about an exchange I had with a girl here in Spain–I’ve taken some lessons from her–we had kinda agreed to get together, she gave me her number then she kinda had too much to do for the foreseeable future and was taking ages to get back to me, so i chalked it up as ‘not happening’.

That was probably about 6 weeks ago–after she sent me the ‘too much to do’ message I figured I’d act normal rather than angry and said something like ‘cool–good luck with your course! I’ll work on my Spanish…” or something.

I haven’t pinged (pung??) her yet–got involved with holidays and work. But I need some reasonable ideas for a fun hello to someone who I do know, who probably isn’t/wasn’t interested (but I’ll give her a chance ;), but who I might see again in the class (to be honest if I DO take another class with her it will be less awkward if I send a fun text beforehand than if I just show up in a class)

I just have a text-based phone, so no pictures of bears/walruses/Russians falling through the ice.. any thoughts?

AND also–on these pings…what exactly would ‘buy-in’ even look like? I honestly am not quite sure…

thanks–

[The_Hurricane]

Buy-in usually takes the form of lots of questions. Space filler. She’s uncomfortable with the awkward silence so she asks you how this or that is going. Sometimes, buy-in is telling you that she’s so happy to hear from you, but that’s more rare.

Regarding the ping, you’re in an awkward spot. I would normally tell you to swing for the bleachers, but you’re going to see her again in a non-romantic setting, so your options are limited.

“saw a girl on a train who could have been your twin. we chatted for a while. i am starting to like your country :-)”

Why? It’s an indirect compliment: you were attracted to a woman who looks like her. It has an embedded jealousy plot. It’s high value: you had the balls to chat up an attractive stranger. It’s mysterious: you don’t say what happened.

–Lee

[MrAntiquity]

thanks for this, Lee. Maybe I’ll send it–I like the spirit of it. Although I do prefer things that actually happened to me so maybe there’s a tweak….I’ll keep y’all posted. Not expecting much from it.

[EJ_ap]

I texted this once to a girl and got no response.

[The_Hurricane]

Not surprising. If there is a need for a ping – a text message sent weeks after you’ve failed to secure a date – the most likely outcome (by far) is a no. Nevertheless, if you want to keep trying, it’s a good message, but you’d only know that after sending out hundreds, not one.

–Lee

[MrAntiquity]

in my case she probably will respond if for no reason other than I’m still a potential student and we have a nice in-class relationship when I do see her. But it would probably be something noncommittal like Hi! Hope you’re well” which doesn’t offer anything..

[The_Hurricane]

So? What happened?

[MrAntiquity]

nothing 🙂 Got caught up/stressed w/work and stalled. I’ll send one….

[MrAntiquity]

ok, well I texted something. It’s not great–and I didn’t get the flirtation/jealousy bit in there although I did try to get the idea across that things are more fun when I’m around without being in-your-face about it. Also the text is in bad Spanish–this is a rough translation:

Hey, prof–hope you’re enjoying your 2015. Must be quiet at Lengua (where she tutors) without my bad Spanish and crazy/random conversations 🙂 Hope your MA course is going well.

I’ve got this thing about texting/saying things that didn’t actually happen to me. I know they’re white lies and harmless but still…just would rather something be legit.

I don’t know–either she’ll text me or she won’t I suppose!

[SomeguyUK]

And the ‘nice guy text’ award of 2015 goes to..

😉

[MrAntiquity]

haha. old habits, as they say….

but then again–I know her–it’s not like we’ve just met once or twice. So hard to throw something out of character…

[MrAntiquity]

I remember once I went to a female friend’s party–I stayed over there because it was far away, and we shared a bed out of convenience more than anything else. At one point, it was 2:00 in the morning and things were absolutely in platonic mode, I looked over to her and I said “you know, I bet I know what the highlight of your evening was”. She says “what?” I said “ending up in bed with me”. She laughted–but about 20 minutes lataer she delivered the same line back. We didn’t actually do anything that night, but we both knew it was on, if we had wanted to.

I need to get that sort of mojo back…

[SomeguyUK]

Dude that is great. You have a lady’s man inside you for sure – you just need to get him out.

I know I am preaching to the choir – but you need to take more risks. You could have hooked up with that girl you were in bed with – or not. But if you’d taken a chance, worst case
scenario you have an awkward moment where she says “erm…sorry I don’t like you in that way”. Best case scenario, you have a great time together and your balls grow a bit.

[MrAntiquity]

well, with that girl, I wasn’t nervous–I wasn’t really that interested but was wondering what a line like that might do. Answered my question 🙂

Yeah I have a couple of identities. There’s what I know I can do, and what I actually do… like night and day.

[SomeguyUK]

Yeah but you didn’t really get to find anything out, because you didn’t take action.

As we have discussed on this forum, it’s all about action. Here you are saying ‘I could have had that girl’ – but you know as well as I do that you don’t really change anything in yourself until you actually take a risk and do it.

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