Help with Groups
June 14, 2017 at 6:42 am #73730
I’m going to keep posting questions as they come up for me as hopefully they will be helpful to myself and other people.
Firstly, again let me say I am loving your book. It is literally life changing and I’m so happy I decided to get it. I feel in control of my life and it’s incredible — Thank you!
A couple of questions came up for me that the book does not seem to touch on:
1) What to do if there is a group of girls? Do you ask the situational questions to the group or direct it at one specific person (preferably the one you’re interested in)? If you do direct it at one person, I notice that both tend to answer, which makes sense as you’re asking directions or some other rather benign question not starting off with something personal, thus they both feel inclined to help.
After the initial phase when you transition into step 4 and 5, how do you show directed interest in a single girl vs the group? If you stop two girls on a trail, the friend will not stand idly by while the two of you move into a deep dive into her childhood fears, for example. She’ll get inpatient. Jealous. Annoyed. This stuff is hard enough with no obstacles, never mind a jealous best friend trying to hurry her out of the conversation.
What actions can be taken to make this work? Does only a direct approach work for groups, or is it possible to use indirect?
2) Same question, but now with a single guy or group of guys. When stopping to ask directions, directing the question at the girl and ignoring the guy seems like a great way to alienate yourself very quickly – so it seems prudent to direct it to both here. However, I assume the goal would be to quickly find out if she is in a relationship with any of the men present.
If she is not, it is now doubly the case that a man friend hanging out with his super hot female friend will not simply let you sit there and talk to her while he stands there twirling his thumbs. Do you somehow include him in the conversation, if so how much do you include him? I don’t want to know about his childhood, but asking the guy shallow questions while asking the girl deep questions seems like a really bad tactic. Is this even worth the logistical hurtles involved?
Though I’m still working through the earlier steps, I would love to know the answer to these questions in the context of the book’s entire scope as I feel this will become more of an issue the further I progress.
Thanks for the insight! Cheers.June 15, 2017 at 1:44 pm #73731
If there are two girls, you can open direct or indirect. If you open direct, open the girl you are interested in. Her friend will do one of two things: back off and let you talk with her alone or stand there while you talk with her. If she stays there, you will want to include her in the conversation once in a while. Throw her a few questions. Ask how they know each other. But you can mostly focus on the girl you opened.
If you open situational/indirect, you will need to speak with both women. Your interaction will be a little bit more shallow and fun with the both of them. You simply won’t be able to get as intense and deep if there is more than one person in the conversation, either a girl or a guy. But you can focus your questions more on the girl you’re interested in and try to find something about her as a person to appreciate.
Then you’re going to get contact info from the girl you’re interested in by doing this: See if you can get her to talk about a movie or book. Then at the end of the conversation say, “Hey, what’s your email? I want you to send me the name of that book/movie you mentioned.”
A girl and a guy during the day is tricky. But it’s possible. You’ll need to open the guy first. Then start talking with both of them. Then at some point ask the girl (not the guy), “How long have you two been together?” If she says that they aren’t together, then use the movie/book excuse to get her contact info. It’s important you ask the girl this question, because he could be an orbiter and might not give you a straight answer.
EricJune 17, 2017 at 5:35 pm #73732
Thanks for the help with this, Eric. That’s all very good advice and makes a lot of sense.
I’m curious though, do you feel the email line is a bit gimmicky? The last thing I would ever want is to ‘trick’ a girl in any way. I wouldn’t want her to give me her information under the pretense we’re going to be pen pals and discuss the latest entry in Opera’s Book Club. I want her to give me her information because she wants to get to know me and is attracted to me.
I realize we’re working within the limitations of logistics of friends near by, but that should’t make us resort to tricks or gimmicks, right?June 17, 2017 at 6:03 pm #73733
It is a trick, a pretense. But that’s okay. Indirect opening in general is a pretense. But it has its upsides in that it can make everyone comfortable. If she’s with her ugly friend, she may feel more comfortable giving you her email under that pretense rather than acknowledge the fact that her friend is less attractive than her (at least to you). If you don’t want to use this pretense, you may want to go direct.
EricJune 23, 2017 at 12:25 am #73747
Makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the help with this one, Eric. Appreciated as always.
I’m sure I’ll keep posting more questions in the coming days as I continue to move through the steps.
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