I’m new here but looking for some thoughts on this issue which is not my anxiety but the girl I approach’s anxiety. I’m finding that a good number of girls I approach are very nervous themselves. I don’t come on strong and I know it’s her issue but I’m very empathic and so not only am I dealing with my anxiety but HERS as well! I’d love to hear some feedback on how to deal with this. How to diffuse things because I end up bailing out too soon because of it. How can I make her feel more at ease?
Tell her to relax. You can say things like, “Take some deep breaths. You’re doing fine.” I like this a lot because it relaxes her and makes it seem like you’re in control. You can say this in any case, even if she doesn’t have anxiety and it puts you in the driver’s seat.
The other thing you can do is compliment her. This is a tricky one because it is very easy to compliment a woman too much. But a few nice compliments here and there can work wonders. As a rule, I stay away from physical compliments unless we are in bed or things are getting very sexual. The best things to compliment are things that are important to her, like her artwork/music or other things she is passionate about.
Another important thing you can do (and this is counter-intuitive) is to not give a shit about her anxiety. If you start to take care of her too much (“Are you okay?” etc.), she’ll become more self-conscious and start to disrespect you. You need to let her take care of herself. In fact, I’ve said to women, “You take care of your shit and I’ll take care of mine. You’re a big girl.” You can’t over-accommodate her or a lot of bad things start to happen.
Thanks for your reply Eric. I like the direct, open and honest communication of telling her to relax. I get so lost in tricks and techniques and trying to remember whatnot I forget to just be present in the moment and tell it as it is.
Has ‘She’s 6 steps Away’ has ever got into print? I’d really like a paper book of it if there are any.
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