Fear of Success?

[eighteen]

As I read through Eric’s book, it occurs to me that a fear of success can set off the fight or flight response. And I wonder that if it’s not so much an evolutionary response to ostracization from the tribe as it is not knowing how to react, or how you might react, in the event of success. Focusing on one part of a process, especially the initial steps, may result in fear of the unknown.

So I wonder, how many on this forum have experienced this? I mean, when I dig deep down trying to face my fears, it seems the fear of success is greater than the fear of failure.

[SomeguyUK]

As my improv teacher used to say, is there any difference between fear of success and fear of failure? You only fear success because you might then lose it.

But yeah, I kind of agree with you. Sometimes I find myself doing really well with the girl, but then I eject too early before asking for her number etc. It’s a fear of the unknown to some degree, but I think it really comes down to fear of failure. Deep down a part of you doesn’t quite believe you can get her number or whatever.

But you know what? One thing I’ve realised recently is that it’s kinda pointless to try and figure everything out. You’re never going to know exactly why you’re afraid. It’s better to just accept that life is a mystery to live, rather than a problem to be solved, and find the best tactics for dealing with your situation.

[MrAntiquity]

@eighteen
I’m planning to put in a blog post on that sometime down the road (when I get past a couple of roadblocks and can analyze it both from inside and at a distance).

But in short, yes, I think you’re right. I also think in many cases it’s much deeper than “success”, though–it’s a resistance to finding yourself in a place where you have no control and have to chart your own course. If you have no knowledge that the course is safe (i.e. won’t hurt or kill you) then taking that step may be practically impossible. Imagine a bridge over a river gorge with a missing plank. Then imagine a bunch of people saying “that plank isn’t missing–it’s all your imaginaton. Go ahead, cross.” Will you do it? Unlikely. So for you, moving towards “success” (crossing the bridge) means that at some point on the way, you’ll fall and die. No matter what people tell you. You need to find out for yourself that the plank was always there to begin with–you just didn’t see it. No one can tell you this.

Sometimes if you see other people doing it, you can sidestep the fear temporarily (peer pressure), and sometimes you can twist your mind, but the strongest solution is ultimately to find out where the gap is, and how to slowly build a foundation.

Note this is all VERY different from the “fear of rejection” based approach anxiety usually dealt with. Take it slow.

[elliotrey]

Hey superstar,

Well firstly – thanks for being so open there. Secondly a big thanks to this forum. Thirdly I totally know what your saying.

Even now I still catch myself with the fear of success. So many confused emotions there it’s crazy. Sometimes it feels like being at the edge of a cliff ready to jump in!

The great thing about the fear of success is it’s actually your power to succeed. It’s not in anyway a sign of anything else other then your epic ability to make awesome stuff happen. Yep.

That’s what I saw. Overtime I felt the fear of success – particularly with women: I harnessed it, stopped labelling it as anything (just felt it) and moved forward regardless.

Also totally agree with @SomeguyUK – the fear of the unknown: it’s like wow! I remember being in college and having this ultra cute art student emo babe – always making signs for me to make a move on her – it was crazy obvious I could have success with her. Yet I was terrified of the unknown there. Terrified of what would happen.

Also totally hear what your saying @MrAntiquity – and yes it is different from fear of rejection.

What I saw which is totally the sub title to this site and actually one of the great benefit’s of this is that FEAR is actually CONFIDENCE. I got so comfortable with it that I just didn’t have any reason to consider it any more when it comes up. Like totally carefree and it was actually then ‘TURNED’ into confidence – because every time I would feel it: that’s the time I started to enjoy and interact more.

Again thank’s for being open. Ninja!
Peace,

Elliot Rey
Get this and elevate your game: http://alphamastery.net

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