Fear is almost gone

[SomeguyUK]

Seems like the hard work does pay off. In the last few days I’ve approached more girls than I had previously done in months . And I’m getting almost all good reactions. Girls are smiling at me a ton, laughing, and asking me questions instead of walking away scared like they used to. Plus, I am actually looking forward to the approaches and enjoying the interactions, instead of dreading them.

I’m giving a lot less fucks about approaching in public too.Can’t quite open in a packed subway train yet, but I’m nearly there.

However, I’m obviously still missing a piece of the puzzle as I’m not getting phone numbers. The weird thing is that girls used to just give me fake numbers. Now, they just give me excuses like “I don’t give my details out”, “You can have my number but I’m so busy I probably won’t reply”, or “I’m leaving the country”. It’s often followed by a really enthusiastic “sorry!”.

I’m not sure what this means. They are obviously trying to let me down gently, but in a different way than before.

Maybe I need to work on reversing the power dynamic. I am starting off being quite talkative and flirty – not being a clown like that Sasha dude – but making a lot of jokes. This seems to work in terms of getting the girl to relax and talk to me, but I guess it looks kinda try-hard. I don’t know what else to do though.

I’ve said it before: this is one motherfucking hard game 🙁

[MrAntiquity]

@sg

First off–great to hear that the fear is going away! You’ll be fine from here on out.

Second of all–how are you asking for these phone numbers? I don’t approach that many girls, but on the occasions when I ask for phone numbers it usually goes ok. If they don’t give it out, it usually means, pretty clearly, that there wasn’t much of a connection.

Granted, a lot of these numbers did flake in the end (becuase I screwed up other things), but here’s why I think at least the number exchange worked:

1. I only took a number if I actually wanted to take a number–not just for practice. People can sense authenticity/inauthenticity pretty well..

2. I didn’t use much in the way of “PUA” tactics–I just asked for a number if I felt that I hit it off with someone—sometimes with a tentative plan to do something before-hand.

Fake numbers, I think, basically come from women who don’t take you at all seriously–maybe you in those instances you came across as too much of a player, or trying too hard, or they were a little put off by something. It’s kind of a “yeah, I can take it in stride but stay away” message.

Gentle brush offs suggest to me that you’re improving in your interactions with women–getting some more conversational investment, probably having friendly but not charged conversations with these girls (tell me if I’m wrong). You mentioned the jokes–one or two is fine, but quickly settle down and talk to the girl. Throw some flirting/touching in too–but I’d relax on the comedy.

A good number exchange will come naturally from a good conversational exchange–as somethign that just kind of makes sense.

[SomeguyUK]

How am I asking? ‘Let’s keep in touch’ or ‘give me your number’.

Yeah I know what you mean – before learning about ‘PUA tactics’ I never got turned down when asking for numbers, but then I wasn’t meeting girls in this strange way.

Will try being less jokey and more emotional I guess.

[SomeguyUK]

I am trying to work sexual talk into the conversation a bit. However, some of the time that means I am using a pre-scripted line. Maybe that’s what comes off as inauthentic.

[Cartoox]

Hey….Thats great news ! glad to hear you’re making leaps forward on your AA & getting all those positive responses….strangely enough, I have begun feeling way less AA on approaches as well….perhaps our development is parallel !

I’m beginning to think that subconsciously the girls mirror our own emotional state, and if we are relaxed and enjoying the approach, then they seem to be more relaxed too…

Phone numbers – it happens…….one of the ways I ask is simply to ask them out first….I’ll say something like “ listen, lets get a coffee sometime later this week …and look at their reaction…if they are cool with it, I’ll take the number.…if they’re not enthusiastic or ignore the suggestion then I leave it……some chicks will say “let me take your number “ to which I can only reply “ I always thought it’s the guy’s job to call the girl first “ ( courtesy of John Keegan for that one ) …

Sex nuanced comments – you might want to work on stuff that you are comfortable with…that means your own lines…for example when describing what I look for in women I date, I often say “ I like Personality, a bit of an attitude and some meat on the ass “ …a bit crude but it seems to work.….

Eric has an interesting post from almost 9 years ago, called dealing with flakes which I think relates to this phone number issue as well. …..this is the link but if it doesn’t work, just search on this site.
http://approachanxiety.com/2006/05/review-of-brad-ps-1-on1-session/

have fun !

[SomeguyUK]

Some great points there man. And that article is really helpful – I’m going to go out and try some of the tactics Eric mentioned.

Cool to hear your AA is also diminishing mate – time to completely destroy it in time for summer!

[SomeguyUK]

@cartoox

Just had a GREAT interaction with a girl in a clothes store and did exactly what you said. I said we should go for a drink, she said yes and I got her number. I know it was a real number cos I rang her phone straight away.

Hooray 🙂

P.s it is just like you said dude, they mirror your emotional state. I’m starting to feel like as long as you feel good about it, you can say almost anything. The other day I told this girl I was imagining making out with her – it was literally the second sentence I said to her and it got a great big smile out of her. It’s amazing what being comfortable can do for you.

[SomeguyUK]

Update: the girl from last night actually texted me last night. Finally, something worked!:D

[Cartoox]

@ Someguyuk –

HURRAH ! that’s great my friend ! glad to hear things worked out for you…..that is pretty gutsy to tell a girl you were imagining making out with her…..!

Yes, I need to blow the AA out of the water before summer sets in….lots of good looking chicks walking around then….

I am currently working on the “3 second rule “ where I open a girl almost as soon as I spot her….I can almost sense that if I can kill the hesitation, everything else that follows will be much smoother…..keep updating your progress !

[SomeguyUK]

@Cartoox

Yeah I’ve only said that ‘imagining making out thing’ once but I am experimenting with saying bold things a lot! Even though I don’t like giving compliments, I will use that one again if I get the chance.

I think the 3 second rule is the way to go. I am mostly doing direct approaches at the moment to try fix my remaining AA and hesitation. Everything else seems to require waiting for ‘the right moment’, which just makes me hesitate.

What openers do you use?

[Cartoox]

@someguyUK

A lot of times I am still using situational/ observational openers…simply because this is how I first learned to do approaches….so a lot of openers are comments about a girl’s outfit or what she seems to be doing…bad habits die hard I guess….

AA – I don’t have much AA for indirect approaches anymore….in other words if the situation presents itself – eg at the queue for coffee or some girl standing next to me on the crosswalk….I can open almost immediately…

For Direct, It’s a bit confusing…..I do have some residual AA going direct….on the other hand, the best way to eliminate this residual AA seems to be to go direct….

The 3 second rule – I have a few canned openers for most of the standard scenarios or places where I would practice / approach girls….to be honest however there are still many gaps in my approach…

I’m trying to get to the point where the least amount of openers will get me the most effective results…..At the same time the openers have to be congruent with my personality. Ie the words should be words that I can own when I say them so they come across as genuinely authentic…..

Here are some of my current openers :

Subway / metro

1) Hey, why the serious look on your face , you look like you’re thinking deep thoughts
2) You know, you look like you’re out to rock the night in that outfit…..big party….or hot date ?

I also want to try this one, which I got from the Girls Chase blog – “ going anywhere fun / exciting ?”

Supermarket :

1) why the serious look , you look like you’re having deep thoughts
2) you’re shopping for your dinner here isn’t it …? ( & I point at her basket since I mostly hit the supermarket around 7-9 pm )
Street :
There’s a whole bunch of stuff for the street that would probably be better off in a separate post but a common one is when she comes up from behind and is walking past me in the same direction

1) Hey, you’re walking really fast ….late or a hot date ? sometimes I’ll add “ how about I race you …”

Two girls sitting :
Invariably I prefer to use the “conversation about guys opener “ its versatile and easy ….if they are sitting together but not really talking, then I modify and say “ you two look like you’re about to have a conversation about guys “

3-5 girls :
1) conversation about guys
2) you girls look straight out of Sex and the City ( & I have a whole spiel for what follows after that , I can put it up here if you like….)

I notice from your posts you do a lot of approaches in clothing stores….I’d like to do more of those, any suggestions ?

[SomeguyUK]

Thanks man. Would love to hear your sex and the city spiel!

Also can you explain the opener where you point to her basket? I didn’t quite understand it. But supermarket game is one of my top priorities.

Yeah I am in clothing stores 90% of the time when I am practicing, it’s by far the easiest place to find lots of girls in London. But now my AA is going, I’m finding it easier to open elsewhere.

Right now I am just going direct in stores a lot, seems to work fine. I am trying to use Lee’s deep thoughts opening routine too, but in clothing stores I can rarely get it to work. You have to do something that really grabs their attention, or they just carry on looking at clothes while half-talking to you. So generally I say “I feel a bit weird saying this in here…(pause for tension) but you are SO cute I had to say hello”.

The other thing I used to do in clothes stores is pick something up and say ‘hey, you look like the expert in fashion…would this look good on an Asian girl?’. However, I always found it really hard to transition from that discussion to personal conversation; most of the time when I would start to transition, the girls would walk off. However, I’m going to start using that opener again as I’m way more comfortable now.

There was one time I got into a conversation with an absolutely smoking hot Transylvanian girl (how often do you meet one of those?!) in Zara using that clothing opinion opener. She seemed really interested in talking to me but I got freaked out and ejected! Textbook AA story. I think indirect was probably the best approach to use on her, because she was so hot she probably gets stopped all the time.

So basically, whatever you do in clothes shops, make sure it’s something that really gets their attention.

Update: I have a date set up with the girl from Friday. Win.

[Cartoox]

@someguyuk

Thanks for the clothing store tips – so basically a direct opener or an almost direct opener…..I agree with you that the indirect openers seem rather difficult to apply in clothing stores….Direct seems to be the way to go, which is probably why I have avoided doing them till now……oof…..this is not going to be easy….

Congratulations on getting the date set up with the girl from last Friday ! That’s great man ! Hope you have lots of fun with her !

Transylvanian chick..….a pity….but I have also bailed out of so many promising interactions that its depressing to recall them…..

The need to get their attention is important on subway & street approaches as well..…. because the ambient noise can be quite loud and quite a few are wearing ear plugs…so I will often open with a slightly louder “Hey “ or “Hi “ before continuing onto the indirect openers….

In the past I would simply deliver the opener but many times, either the girl didn’t hear me or ignored it….so its important to get their attention first….

Supermarkets –I just come up besides them in the aisle and open …around half the time they will be looking at something in the aisle so I deliver the opener, which gets them to look up , and then I point at their basket ( this is however not entirely necessary, its more like an excuse ) …

The key point is to come across as slightly flirty and mischievous…. In a way its almost obvious that we are hitting on them…..supermarkets are very comfortable environments for girls and its fairly easy to get into a conversation with them…transition quickly into her work day schedule and diet + health habits…from there getting into more personal stuff is easier…

I go either during lunch hour – when a lot of girls are doing some quick shopping , or preferably late in the evening Mondays to Thursdays, between 7 – 9 pm as the women then are almost always single….
An upmarket place with some gourmet stuff usually attracts the good looking girls…..

Sex & the City : – any time you see a gathering of 3 to 5 girls, this one can be used either as an opener “ you girls look straight out of that movie , Sex and the City “ or continued further ( after a pause ) :

“You know, I never quite understood that movie, all it did was give us a bunch of stereotypes…”

“There was the lead, a dreamer who’s waiting for her prince charming …….( I look around them ) that would seem to be you ( & I point at one of them ) “

( at this point they should start to be getting into this )

“There was the career chick ( point at another one – or ask which one of them fits ….the girls will point at each other ) “

“There was the princess complex ……”

“& there was the sex maniac….. ( the chicks will usually point to one of their friends & laugh out , “she’s always luring men ! “) “

so its kind of interactive …but in the right scene – especially bars – it can work great….by the time you get to the last one ( the sex maniac should be last ) , the girls have usually warmed up to you and you can carry on having fun and making fun of them…..

one last remark on clothing – When I see someone in Leopard print – I’ll often open with “ Leopard print huh….feeling rather predatory today are we ? or In a predatory mood today are we ?

[SomeguyUK]

I fucking love that SATC routine man. I haven’t been doing bar approaches much recently but will try and remember that one! Thanks for the tips man.

[SomeguyUK]

Update: I finally managed to do an approach in front of a tube (subway car) full of people. That was probably my biggest fear so I’m really happy.

I also did an approach in a mall cafeteria the other day where I had to practically climb over a bunch of people to talk to this girl and it went great.

So the AA has definitely been smashed 🙂 Thanks Eric Disco.

Now I just have to get over my next fear of actually making a move when the girl is giving me IOI’s. I really am the master of self-sabotage right now.

All’s quiet on the board, I can hear crickets chirping..

[Author]

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