January 5, 2014 at 7:53 pm #71103
my question is if there is eye contact being made without any smiling on her part is this still an IOI? being as insecure as I am I can not hold eye contact very long if at all but I still sometimes get recurring glances even if I look away. I would definitely approach if I were smiled at but this rarely if ever happens.so should I approach if eye contact has been established?January 6, 2014 at 7:48 pm #71106Eric DiscoKeymaster
Really any kind of eye contact from women is a form of attraction. In the initial stages, attraction can be understood as attention. If she’s giving you attention, that’s a clear runway to take initiative with her.
You want to be careful though of waiting for ‘approach signals’ before approaching. This can lead to all sorts of problems, particularly for newer guys or guys with anxiety. Your anxiety will make you interpret every ‘signal’ as a bad signal.
You’ll think, she smiled at me but she didn’t smile enough. She looked at me but she didn’t look long enough or she looked away too quickly. That means she’s not interested. Or she looked down at her book. Your brain will come up with a million excuses for you to not take that action that scares you.
So I would recommend that at the start, you take small initiatives with women without first checking to see if she’s attracted to you. In my experience, her demeanor before I open her (whether she looks friendly or not) has about a 0% chance of determining how receptive she’ll be to me when I do open her. Could be that I’m not attractive enough to get approach signals or I don’t read them correctly, but I rarely rely on them before taking initiative.
EricJanuary 7, 2014 at 7:12 pm #71107
thanks that’s very perceptive because I do suffer from anxiety and also a hypersensitive personality which means that any form of rejection affects me many times more than with a normal personality. I was told by a female friend once not to do anything if she isn’t smiling. I also believe what you said about not gauging a girls receptiveness by her demeanor,I have heard this before and I myself often look “upset” to others but I am actually very friendly. it is very hard to consider approaching however when women have their “bitch shields” up. what do you think of the adage that we should not take advice about women from women?January 7, 2014 at 9:48 pm #71108The_HurricaneKeymaster
I’m a big believer in this adage. Do not, whatever you do, take advice on women from women. Most women first categorize you as either a romantic prospect or a friend. If you are a romantic prospect, for obvious reasons, you will not get an unbiased strategy for how you should approach other women. What’s even worse is when you’re not a romantic prospect. Most women have a narrative about your identity. If they are not attracted to you, it is because they don’t see you as attractive. Consequently, the advice they tend to give you is very conservative. Ask for permission. Don’t piss her off. Don’t say anything inappropriate. Don’t wear anything too flashy. They love it when a man they’re attracted to does these things. They just don’t see you as that type of man.
–LeeJanuary 22, 2014 at 8:21 pm #71133
thanks these are really good observations and you’re right the woman that gave me this advice didn’t find me the least bit attractive. I have another issue where we are supposed to engage everyone we meet such as clerks at fast food restaurants and retail stores etc. in order to practice our conversation skills. well unfortunately all the female clerks in stores these days are practically teenagers and when I attempt ant sort of convo at all they assume I am trying to pick them up and they get all stand offish and weirded out (I am much older than they are). so I do not want to engage store clerks at all anymore.
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