Do words really matter?

[dyonisos]

The infamous Polish Casanova from 80. and 90. , master of seduction and matrimonial fraud who slept with about 2000 women Jerzy Julian Kalibabka used to say that words are like drugs to girls. Asked how he was able to live with 5 or even 6 girls at the same time in his harem he replied that he drugged them with words and kept them in a state of trance.

90% of what he said to women was spinning a yarn.

Jerzy Kalibabka around 1981-1982.

Infamous seducer in arrest in 1982.

Kalibabka today.

Why I am saying this?

The common PUA myth is that its not what you say but how you say. According to this philosophy verbal side means nothing, body language is all that matters.

Now, its not that body language is not important. Good body language is a necessary condition in the process. But this is not sufficient.

Lately I am experimenting with ” spinning a yarn” . When girl asks me what I do I tell her that I am yoga instructor and I am about to open my own school. The difference of reactions I get comparing to what used to when I told them that I work in sales is like a difference between night and day.

[MrAntiquity]

Well look at it this way:

Delivery/presence without effective words can still get you somewhere.
Words without effective delivery probably won’t get you anywhere.

I went to see a dating “coach” once–a woman, actually–for a 2 hour session. She was extremely attractive. I said I really had trouble with “escalation”. One of the exercises she had me do was to look into her eyes, really closely, and say something completely nonsensical–without flinching. Just as if you were in a romantic drama and about to make the move. So firt I counted to 10, then I recited “Hickory Dickory Dock”.

To be honest, I think she was actually a bit turned on 🙂 She paused, and said “wow–you’re really good at this…” I don’t think it was an act. My problem was that I couldn’t do the approaches, etc. to get to the point where I COULD do that. But once there…..

So ultimately words are a tool, and they can be used effectively–but it’s really the delivery/presence that matters most.

[The_Hurricane]

Body language and voice tone are the most important components of pickup. You can say all the right things and do all the wrong things and you will fail. If you’re one of the hunks in the infield videos that get posted to the web, body language and some lukewarm chit chat are enough to get the girl.

For the rest of us, body language is necessary but insufficient for success. Words matter and they matter a lot.

Just consider this example. I have an amazing interaction with a girl. I give her my card. She contacts me. That’s a lot of interest she’s expressing. I mess it up in text. Almost never happens these days, but it used to. Text has no body language. It’s pure words. Can it mess up your set? Absolutely. Similarly, having great body language but a needy interaction can also mess up your set.

–Lee

[MrAntiquity]

@Lee–I dunno–most quality women out there aren’t going to be particularly impressed with some guy with mediocre interaction skills just because he’s good-looking. There are millions of good-looking guys around. They’re a dime a dozen. Unless the girl is pretty insecure, or hard up to get laid–those infield videos aren’t going to lead to anything but maybe a phone number and some casual flirting.

Honestly I don’t think these “hunks in the infield videos” really have any going for them over the rest of us. Probably less–because all they do with their lives is make infield videos 🙂

[MrAntiquity]

I don’t mean “those infield videos aren’t going lead to anything” i mean that interactions like that aren’t going to lead to anything.

Hell–I’ve asked two girls for their phone number in the past several months (both from asking for directions, actually)–and went on 2 dates. One was great looking–the other one ok. I’m hardly a good looking guy to warrant a 2 for 2 success rate 🙂 Obviously if I up the sample size it’s going to drop to about 2%, but still…

I think we talk to much about what people look like–men and women–around here. I don’t think it’s helpful to be honest… But that said, yes, words and presence are important–ideally you’re able to join the two together.

[The_Hurricane]

I completely agree that the most desirable women will be less impressed with pure body language game. However, there are still plenty of insecure, hot women who can be steamrolled into a date by good looking guys with great body language. The rest of us have to work our high value game.

–Lee

[MrAntiquity]

OK–that’s true. It explains the whole fraternity-sorority scene, really. Which I used to think was something to aspire to–because those guys were getting laid–it took me a long time to realize that 90% of people in the scene were extremely insecure, and that “hot” didn’t equal “value” at all. Maybe value within the scene, but that’s about it.

Seems to me like these insecurities are things we should try to figure out early in the interaction–as ultimately we don’t (or shouldn’t) really want those types of women anyway…

YOu’re good at reading people. I tend to think I am, as well. Do you think you can figure out within a minute or two if this is the kidn of girl we’re talking about–an insecure type who’ll pretty much go for whoever happens to be hot and takes a minute to talk to her?

[Tedted]

@MrAntiquity

Will I ask too much how this directions question led to flirting and eventually dating.
Really curious and interested

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