"Deep thoughts" opener

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    Have started trying to use ‘deep thoughts’ as the first thing I say, or using at as a transition after an indirect opener.

    Couple of questions if you don’t mind Lee. You have said that deep thoughts is the only opener you use for individual girls, but –

    What if she is doing something like reading a book or looking at a box of cereal? It doesn’t really make sense then, because it’s obvious that she is thinking about whatever she is looking at.

    What if you cannot see her face? E.g what if she is turned away from you but you cannot stand on the other side of her because there is another person there.

    It just seems like in some situations, the opener doesn’t make sense. But maybe I’m missing the point.


    The idea behind Deep Thoughts is NOT that it always makes more sense than any other opener, especially a very specific situational opener. The idea behind Deep Thoughts is that the perfect is the enemy of the good.

    Spending any time at all thinking about what to say – at the beginning or at any point in the interaction – is bad for you. Just the idea that you have to say the perfect thing, or at least something that makes sense to a total stranger is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. Your approach should feel like you’re amusing yourself and that the girl is just a witness to this spectacle, not a key player.

    Saying something random would also fit that bill, but then you have to work your way back to the conversation that is important to you, which is exactly what Deep Thoughts was designed for. Deep Thoughts is meant to get you into a thinking man’s conversation without stopping to think.

    That having been said, Deep Thoughts happens to be a pretty good thing to say in almost any situation. When you say it to girls who are reading, they usually explain why they looked like they were really into their book (or the opposite – they tell you that they’re not really into their book). In other words, they interpret it as a look of focus or concentration. When you say the opener to people shopping, they usually laugh a little, as if they looked too serious for the task they were performing. For example:

    Me: “You look like you’re thinking deep, deep thoughts.”
    Her: “No, just looking for a box of cereal.”
    Me: “Really? You look like the weight of the universe is on your shoulders.”
    Her: (Laughter)
    Me: “You know, I read this article recently that said…”

    You’re mocking her a bit, which is good. And then you’re taking it right back to where you were going.



    Hi Lee,

    But what about two sets or three sets. Would you still use the deep thoughts opener?

    Kind regards,


    Awesome man, thanks.



    “It looks like you’re reading a deeeeeep novel”.


    “It looks like you’re eating from a deeeeeep bowl of cereal”

    Thanks–glad I could help. That’ll be $50


    Thanks, MrA. Now I also know what to say to a girl who is looking at vibrators πŸ˜‰


    OK my first few attempts at using this one were less than spectacular. But I’ll stick with it for a while as right now it feels very unnatural, which is most likely the problem.

    One woman didn’t even answer after I said “are you?”. She just kinda laughed and stood there in crushingly awkward silence. That was kinda funny.

    Have also been experimenting with ‘polarising’ openers a little bit. When I see a woman texting on her phone, I ask her ‘are you sexting right now?’. Interestingly, I have found that half of them seem to instantly hate you (one woman actually told me off a little bit). But the other half (or maybe slightly less than half) think it’s funny as hell. There is almost no in-between reaction. I know the aim isn’t to be a comedian, but I wonder how you can use this early polarisation to your advantage.



    I’m confused about something–if you’re ballsy enough to walk up to a random girl and say “are you sexting right now?” (which is a ballsy thing to say–I can’t do that!), then you’re probably capable of saying pretty much anything. In which case–what are you using the “deep thoughts” thing for? I can understand if you don’t know what to say–it’s a good lead in and it works well for Lee. So that makes sense.

    But it sounds like you’re pretty well ahead of the game in terms of opening lines. In which case if it doesn’t feel natural to you, maybe it’s simply not a great line for you.

    Just a thought…


    Well, for one thing, I guess I just want to try everything.

    I also like the idea of an opener where the girl doesn’t make an *instant* decision about whether to speak to me. I have had some positive responses from direct approaches, but it’s not my favourite type of approach. After going direct, if the girl stays around to talk, it can feel very intense (for both me and her), which doesn’t make for a fun interaction. Also I do think by going direct, you do put yourself in the ‘chaser’ position which is not really where I wanna be.

    Plus, I’m almost 32 and I’m thinking about the long game. I think direct game is more for younger guys and it probably won’t work that well for me after a certain point.

    Having said that, doing ‘deep thoughts’ almost feels like I’m going direct as it is so obviously a chat-up line! But it’s early days.



    I think this direct/indirect thing has to vanish–in my opinion it’s one of the most confusing things the “community” has ever come up with. I might post something on it.

    I’m 40–you’re 32. Women expect us to be mature adults. A lot of “game” tactics area really immmature–I think those should be avoided. But if you’re referring to “direct” as sprinting up the street, grabbing some girl and saying “wow, you’re so hot I’d be kicking myself if I didn’t stop you and say hi”–yeah, that sounds like something a ballsy teenager would do. THat’s “chasing”, as you put it. It also doesn’t strike me as actually direct–you’re kind of going into character to do that.

    But if you say something really honest–say you see a girl and there’s something about her look that’s really enticing–there’s nothing immature about saying so. For example: “Wow. You know, this might come off as a bit forward–I don’t even know if I can say this sort of thing around here! But you have the most striking look about you… I mean–I noticed from over there. Something about your….[whatever]”

    It’s honest, it’s TRULY direct–but a mature, adult direct. I’ve tried it once or twice–people are honestly taken aback and flattered by this sort of thing. Because you really DO mean it–it’s not a cheap compliment to get her to talk to you. YOu’re saying: “Wow–there’s a reason I want to talk to you–and I’m damn well going to do it.” That’s not chasing at all–that’s simply putting yourself out there.

    It’s really impressive to women. I wish I were brave enough to do it more often–that’s my ultimate goal–to be able to speak my mind whenever and whereever.



    That said–I would ONLY use that approach if you 100% mean it, and you feel it. As in “I want to say this to her”.

    Otherwise I like using situational things–but situational things that concern the girl herself. Such as “what on earth are you doing with that [whatever]”

    Or “good lord you’re a loud walker… (if she’s wearing boots that clomp, fr example)

    Or–there was one time that there was a girl with very red hair, wearin a green jacket. She was sitting at a table, and there was one of those ketchup containers shaped like a red tomato with green leaves at the top. I looked at her, and slowly turned the ketchup container over, so that it had red on the top and green on the bottom, and said “wait—the resemblance is astounding!” She cracked up πŸ™‚


    Yeah man, I get the appeal of situational openers. They are what I’ve been doing mostly so far. But I am finding they rarely get me into an actual personal conversation with the girl. Although admittedly, perhaps I’m not trying hard enough to transition, or not doing it in the right way.

    I get what you are saying about the ‘honest direct’ approach but personally I only feel comfortable doing with girls who are knockout gorgeous, and I need to practice with a few easier opportunities too.

    It seems like there are pros and cons to EVERY type of opener. Here’s my experiences so far:


    Good -gets you in to personal conversation immediately, no messing around. Sometimes the girls are impressed by your confidence.

    Bad – It takes a lot of balls, sometimes it’s just too damn scary.
    Can feel very stressful and embarrassing especially if there’s lots of people in earshot. Feels inappropriate in a lot of places e.g quiet bookstore. Higher blowout rate. Not good for groups.


    Good – Takes less balls, don’t need to be warmed up so much to do it. Does not intimidate the shyer girls, and some girls like the fact that you are taking the subtle route. Better for groups.

    Bad – can require thinking, and often while you’re thinking you miss the window of opportunity. Harder to get into personal conversation, sometimes the girl gets creeped out when she realises you were hitting on her.

      Instantly flirty/polarizing

    Good – can get you in the door nicely, creates a sexual dynamic instantly

    Bad – again takes a lot of balls, not good for groups, comes off looking a bit needy if you are acting the clown, high blowout rate

      Opinion opener

    Good – good for groups, works in a variety of situations, lower blowout rate, takes less balls, easier to transition.

    Bad – Can waste a lot of time, makes it look like you aren’t very confident, can come across creepy

    Seems like there isn’t anything that doesn’t have it’s downsides or incompatibilities. So I’m just trying everything.


    P.s I have experimented with situational openers that directly involve the girl too. Yesterday I just said “that’s a badass jacket” to this girl and had a good chat with her. BUT not every girl has something interesting about her that you can comment on.

    One that I have been trying out recently has been “hey miss…as a long-haired guy, I have to say I am really jealous of your hair”. That almost always get a great response. But again, it’s the transitioning that is tricky.


    I see a lot of thought here about what is the best opener. There is no best opener. You should find one that you like and say it each and every time.

    Situational openers are bad because they leave you thinking about what kind of opener is appropriate for the current situation, and when the opener is finished, they leave you again thinking about what is the best way to get to a meaningful conversation. Way too much thinking.

    Random openers are bad because they not only make it hard to get to a meaningful conversation but also have the effect of turning most men into banter monkeys.

    That’s what we see in many of these videos, either lukewarm interactions or banter monkey vaudeville acts.

    Deep Thoughts is a very direct opener. Girls know you’re flirting with them right away. It’s not a substitute for ballsier game. If you can’t pull it off, let it go and come back to it when you’re ready.

    Whatever opener you use, figure out a way to quickly get from the opener to the interesting conversation you want to have. Deep Thoughts is built for that, starting with the part that goes “and I immediately thought what I would do if I could have all that time back…” then “What would you do?” In the first two minutes of conversation, you’re basically asking her what she would do if she could have ten years of her life back. Some of the answers are insightful, creative, and revealing. I put the stupid answers in the revealing category.

    As far as I know, there is no other opener that will get you from hello to a conversation about her unfulfilled dreams that quickly.



    As far as I know, there is no other opener that will get you from hello to a conversation about her unfulfilled dreams that quickly.

    This, and the fact that you can use it in a lot of situations, is why I am interested in this opener.

    Sometimes I’m really afraid to be ballsy, but I want to keep pushing my comfort zone. I know that a lot of the time I don’t transition well because I’m afraid of showing the girl I like her, so maybe practising a more direct route for a while will help me get over that. Will play with it for a bit.

    Cheers for the advice guys.

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