December 18, 2018 at 5:37 pm #74057
Hey guys, I hope this holiday season finds you well. I have by and large been able to approach women indirectly and have gotten a few numbers off some. Mostly by initiating small talk and then transitioning into more personal topics.
One thing that trips me up is when I go in with a compliment. Some are ok such as: I like your boots, they look warm. She will say “Thank you” and then I might ask where did you buy it at? But there are others that reveal themselves in the environment such as I like your nail color or hairstyle, it looks pretty on you. She says thank you and I don’t know how to respond to that.
I guess this opener makes me feel like I’m using a direct opener. I was wondering how would you guys respond when she says “Thank you”. Do I just go direct in that case or continue with the small talk.
Appreciate your inputs.December 19, 2018 at 9:04 pm #74062
When you compliment someone on something without revealing your sexual interest, e.g. “I like your boots”, I refer to that as a friendly compliment. Basically it’s the type of compliment you could say to a friend. When you go beyond that and reveal your attraction, e.g. “I think you’re cute”, I call that an attraction compliment because you are revealing your attraction.
If you start off with a friendly compliment, I would recommend building onto that with small talk, like you stated above. “Where did you get those boots? I was looking for a pair of boots like that for my sister. Aren’t they made in Italy? What were you doing in Italy?” etc. You could even try something simple like, “I like that watch. I bet there’s a story behind that.”
I generally don’t recommend going straight into a ‘direct’ attraction compliment after giving her a friendly compliment. That might just be too many compliments in a row. You’re giving her too much validation and giving away all of your power. You can come across as too try-hard.
If you’re going to do direct compliments here’s what I recommend
1. Give a few women friendly compliments on the opening. After doing that a few times, move on to…
2. Give a few women an attraction compliment. Without staying and talking with her, just leave right after the compliment and say, “Have a great day.”
3. Then practice staying in longer. Introduce yourself after giving the compliment and walk away. Then introduce yourself and ask her what she does, etc.
One of my students has been using my method to step up to direct compliments. He’ll do something like this:
1. Ask a few women for directions. After doing that a few times, move on to…
2. Ask for directions, then say, “Actually, I wanted to ask you because I thought you were cute.” After doing that a few times, move on to…
3. Ask for directions, then say, “Actually, I don’t need directions. I just wanted to come talk to you because you’re cute.”
EricDecember 20, 2018 at 12:50 pm #74063
Hi Eric, I am mostly going with indirect openers and practicing the six steps outlined in your book. At the moment I’m on step six trying to expand on that step. Don’t get many chances to practice that step and currently trying to come up with stock lines from cold reading or weaving some NLP patterns into the conversation. But if I stay awhile in the conversation, step 5 is usually enough for me to either make a new friend or get a number.
I am not yet comfortable with direct openers. The only two times I went with it was because I was getting eye contact from the girl and even then the interaction didn’t last long. I find it more casual and less pressure on both parties. It also gets the girl used to speaking with me instead of putting her on the spot. But it does have a place depending on the scenario.
Thanks for the suggestions, I will try them out.
(P.S. I tried using lines from your book in some cases word for word and the girl opens beautifully)
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