Competition for a girl. Am in in the friend zone?
June 26, 2017 at 1:23 pm #73755RallinParticipant
So there is this girl,(I’ll call her Melissa here) I known her for a long time and just over a month ago I found out she moved back to the neighborhood. She showed up at church on Sunday and we talked and seemed to have a great time. After the conversation, I found out there was a child activity on Monday that she would be going to. So I decided I would ask her out then.
So that was the plan. Now this is the crazy part. I was giving a ride too one of my friends to the activity Monday. This Friend has had a rough past. He was sexually abused at a young age, kept all that inside for years (I’m the one of three people that he has told), he is extremely emotionally, I’m worried he is suicidle, and on top of that, the last girl he really liked a lot , his brother ended up marrying. Now he has trust issues with other guys finding out who he likes.
Anyway I’ve been trying to help him get through this. Which included me promising to be his wingman.
So that Monday I pick him up and he told me he noticed Melissa moved back into the neighborhood. So he told me he has liked her since, freshman year of high school (he’s 24 now) and that he needed my help to ask her on a date. I decided I would help him and if it didn’t work out for him then I would jump in. Any long story short he never got anywhere with her over a two months span. So I asked her out. We went out to dinner one night, ice cream another time, and on a hike the next. But unless we go on a date it’s impossible to get her alone. My friends is trying to keep us apart at all cost it seems. I can’t walk her to her car without him exaggerating an injury to get her attention. I didn’t have a chance to talk to her the way I want to because he was always there always there.
Now yesterday changed , it was the first time my friend wasn’t in the way. So I was talking to her when this other guy shows up, he brought some an extra sandwich for lunch and asked if he was hungry anyway she appceted and they left me to eat lunch. After church she was leaving so I was walking her to her car when this other guy was holding the door for some people in front us. She walked through first but before I could get through he slammed the door into me and shut in. I wasn’t expecting it so I it caught me off guard. Anyway he started walking with her and I opened the door to try to catch but they were talking and I was kind of pushed out. She did look a little confused. So yea.
I was texting her back and forth last night and I decided to ask her out again. It’s the first time I didn’t ask her out in person. We had to reschedule a date on this past Saturday already so I didn’t think it would be weird to ask her out today. Anyway I asked her out and she said she was free after 8. So I asked her if she would like to grab something to eat and she stopped texting.
She is 1 1/2 years older then me. We get along great though and had a great time although the one thing I beat myself up about is that we still haven’t broken the touch barrier. She seems to be keeping a little distance, but she is really nice. Her birthday is tomorrow and I was planning on buying her flowers or something. But now that she won’t text back I’m not sure if she interested. Would that seem desperate is I sent her birthday flowers and she hasn’t texted back? I feel like I may of fallen into the friend zone because I was try to be nice for a friend. Anyway any thoughts?June 26, 2017 at 1:46 pm #73759Eric DiscoKeymaster
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you are squarely in friend zone. You should not go more than one date without some sexual activity and you shouldn’t go more than five minutes without breaking the touch barrier. The way this guy is acting, he is either a dick or she is hooking up with him and told him that you are an orbiter. You may feel jealous or angry about this other guy, but he has very little to do with it. You put yourself in friend zone. I understand that you were holding back on moving in on this girl for your friend’s sake, but spending too much time with a girl without touch or getting sexual will leave you in friend zone.
Where to go from here? You should absolutely not send her flowers for her birthday. In fact, you should disappear. Her texting pattern suggest that she isn’t respecting your presence. Your only option is to take away the prize: you. If you see her in person, you should say hi but then walk away. Talk to other people around. Be social with everyone but her.
EricNovember 22, 2017 at 8:20 am #73896johnwalkerParticipant
I am sure after reading your story. You are in the friend zone. These things also happened with me and it was difficult for me to get rid over there.
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