Awkward Social Dynamics Challenge #2 – The Cockblocker
October 22, 2014 at 12:57 am #72096
You just opened a two set, a super hottie and her friend, a plain looking girl that doesn’t interest you. You are getting along with the super hottie, but the friend is reacting more positively to you, initiating more conversation, asking you more about yourself. You feel the hottie pulling back to make room for the connection between you and her friend. She’s a good person and she probably has many romantic options already. When the two are together, she is used to the awkward situation she’s in now, a situation in which she knows she’s the real target of an approach. She seemed to have a genuine connection with you, but she’s not going to stand in the way of her friend’s happiness.
What do you do?
–LeeOctober 22, 2014 at 7:24 am #72097SomeguyUKParticipant
Man, this is a hard one, I have actually been in this situation and not known what to do.
I think you have to somehow disqualify the friend or show interest to the hotter girl.
“Hey let’s not leave your friend out of the conversation.”
Then start a new line of conversation involving both of them.
I guess body language could help here too, maybe close your arms to the friend while still engaging her.October 22, 2014 at 7:45 am #72098MrAntiquityParticipant
what was the [hypothetical] approach to begin with? (and does it matter?) Also–are we going under the assumption that the hot girl actually IS interested but wants to give her friend a shot?
If I directly approached the cute one, and then it switched to this dynamic, I’d think that perhaps she wasn’t particularly interested and would probably close out the conversation.
If it was just a general approach (where perhaps the cute girl would guess that I was into her, but I never actually made it clear, then maybe I would try what SG is saying–push away the one I’m not attracted to a bit and try to shift the conversation.
But honestly I don’t know.October 22, 2014 at 1:04 pm #72100
To clarify, you were initially getting interest from the hottie, but she’s pulling back a bit to make room for her less attractive friend. She’s still playing along but she’s letting her friend take the lead. I feel bad for the less attractive girl, but not bad enough to date her. This actual scenario has happened to me so many times that I’ve stopped counting.
–LeeOctober 22, 2014 at 2:46 pm #72101
By the way, this is such a toughie that I don’t even know if I have anything like a complete answer. I have been trying something that I think may be working, but I’ll give people a day or two to weigh in before I discuss it.
–LeeOctober 22, 2014 at 3:31 pm #72102MrAntiquityParticipant
ah. I know. this is where you’re supposed to suggest the threesome. The less attractive one will be immediately turned off a bit because she’ll catch on to the idea that you were really into the first one all along. The first one, who’s been hanging back, will be like ‘hey….waaaaaait a minute…’
So you either get 1 or 2. Or smacked in the face. Didn’t George Costanza try this in Seinfeld as a means to try to break it off with somebody?
(Try this next time Lee–and report back to us)October 22, 2014 at 5:03 pm #72103CartooxParticipant
This is a tough one but a great one, been in this situation several times, and blown it each time…..
One suggestion has been to talk about the hottie to the less attractive ….as in asking Ms LA “ does your friend here – pointing to the hot one – always flirt with guys or wear those red soled louboutins”…or something teasing to that effect…
maybe try and friendzone the less attractive one ….? Honestly this is a major challenge….October 22, 2014 at 7:49 pm #72104
I like the idea of talking to the other girl about the one you like. She might get the hint and change course. You can even ask “Does she have a boyfriend?” But maybe that’s not wise because you might get a “Yes” when the real answer is “Yes, but no one of consequence.”
Anyway, I have a different solution. Again, not necessarily a good one. I will post tomorrow.
–LeeOctober 23, 2014 at 3:58 pm #72110
So here we go with my solution. This is a tough, tough challenge so there is no obvious or easy way out of this.
What’s the real problem? The pretty girl does not want the other girl to see her as a bad friend. If we could do all of this in private, I could express my interest in her and she could reciprocate. However, while she thinks the other girl is interested, she won’t exchange contact info with me. Even if I give her my contact info, she’ll later make a show of destroying the card because she wants to be a good friend to the other girl.
Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, I say:
“What time is it? A friend is supposed to meet me here, so I might have to split soon. In case I have to run out of here, this is for you…” Give card to the pretty girl. “And this is for you…” Give card to the other girl.
The card I give to the pretty girl is useless. If she thinks her friend likes me, she won’t contact me. So what’s the purpose of the cards? When I leave, it will stop the other girl from offering her contact info or asking for my contact info. If she does either of those, it’s an even bigger barrier for her friend to overcome, so I want to try to prevent that at all costs. Two cards mean I am still on neutral ground.
Next, I continue the conversation, bringing it back to subjects that I’m interested in, movies, art, literature, music, etc. The girls are talking about their favorites. At some point, I see an in.
Me: “Really? You like The Shawshank Redemption? It’s a great movie. There was an amazing article about it in Slate quite recently, I think. Did you see it?”
Her: “No. What did it say?”
Me: “It’s longish, but it basically talks about what makes that movie great. It’s a great analysis. You know what, give me back my card and write your email address on the back so I can send you a link. I think you’d appreciate it.”
If she never gives me a movie or a book to say that about, I’ll say it about one of my own.
Me: “You’ve never read The Brothers Karamazov? I just saw the most amazing analysis of what makes that one of the greatest novels ever written. Seriously, if you’ve never read it, you should read this article. You know what, give me back my card and write…(etc.)”
That’s basically the gimmick. I’ve given the pretty girl a face-saving way to allow me to initiate contact. The article itself doesn’t matter. There are articles about all of the great movies, all of the great novels. You can send her any link you want. The email will look like this:
“here’s the article. it was thermonuclear hanging out with you two crazy broads. i was smiling all the way to my friend’s place. write back if you have thoughts to share. –lee”
At this point, you’re expecting her to start playing along, even if she knows her friend likes you. You wrote to her and you asked her for her thoughts. She has every excuse to do what she wanted to do anyway.
–LeeOctober 24, 2014 at 7:37 am #72119CartooxParticipant
Lee, Thanks for walking us through that one …
So if I understand this right, in this case we want to be the ones to initiate contact with the Hottie, because she will not do so on her own, out of whatever misplaced considerations for her plain Jane friend.
And we want to get her contact details in an ‘under the radar” kind of way , without explicitly asking for it in front of her Plain Jane friend and risking an awkward situation….
I’m gonna try the card trick, because the most awkward part always comes when we’re asking for contact details to ‘ stay in touch ‘ or ” hang out again soon ” ….thats where invariably it gets blown.. …..
ThanksOctober 24, 2014 at 4:35 pm #72124
Exactly correct. Getting her email because you want to send her a link to something that relates to what she said is a great excuse to get contact info in many settings in which she’d normally be shy about giving you contact info. This one’s particularly useful because it’s not just shyness. She’s actually trying to be a good friend. The two card thing is just a way to stop the friend from professing her interest first.
–LeeOctober 24, 2014 at 7:13 pm #72128SomeguyUKParticipant
*immediately gets cards made*
That’s awesome man.
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