Awkward Social Dynamics Challenge #1

[The_Hurricane]

You got a girl’s number, texted her, and bantered a bit. She seems to be showing interest. You ask for the date – drinks three days from now – and this is her response:

“Bad week. In fact, bad couple of weeks. Let’s get together the week of the 23rd, that Tuesday. Maybe a drink after work somewhere around midtown?”

Not only did she turn down your suggestion of a drink three days from now, she demoted you to a happy hour on a Tuesday three weeks away! What’s your response?

–Lee

[Cartoox]

Me : ‘Sounds rough ….Don’t really know what my schedule’s going to look like 3 weeks out…stay in touch….

[Tedted]

Since it’s more than obvious that you aren’t high in her list at the present moment I would simply play the “ok friends” game and would answer “no problem we can speak some days before and check again with our schedules. I will put a reminder on my phone so don’t bother calling me, I will call you…”
And then I should of course put the reminder at least 1 week after the day she suggests and then follow up again with a busy and little paranoid attitude.

[The_Hurricane]

By the way, I am not suggesting there is a “correct” answer. I know what I would do and will eventually post it. You know who is incredible at this kind of stuff, Glenn. He’s a mad genius when it comes to text game.

Meanwhile, I do agree with both of you guys that simply accepting is bad. You can’t allow her to get the sense that she is completely in charge.

–Lee

[Tedted]

I would also add “so sad, I had some nice plans about our time together” to let her imagine what the heck she wishes to imagine. She will answer “don’t worry you will have the opportunity next time” and I would say “sure!!!”

[SomeguyUK]

Hmm, well if you start joking or complaining that it’s too far away, you’ll look needy.Likewise if you tell her that you had nice plans. If you go silent you’ll probably lose her altogether.So I would probably say ‘Tuesday is no good but shoot me a text and we’ll sort something out that week.’

That still doesn’t feel right though. Damn, this is a hard one!

[dyonisos]

3 weeks? i canot promoise you anthing. i might get married to some wealthy princess and live on private island by this time.

[SomeguyUK]

I thought of another one:

Flattered that you’re taking so long to get prepared. Can’t do the Tuesday but will work miracles to keep Wednesday night free for you that week 😉

[The_Hurricane]

@SomeGuyUK

You stole my thunder. That was basically my reply. The template is 1) be cool, 2) laugh at the situation, and 3) be even more fussy and specific than she is. Meanwhile, I also like dyonisos’s version, though I might add “we can pencil it in (with a very light pencil)”

–Lee

[zhelyazko]

Very insightful. I would probably drop it altogether though. Trhee weeks is a hella long time, unless she has a valid reason. I mean, even now when I get almost no results at all I still feel like the girl should make a bigger investment if I am to continue spending time with her.

Regards,
Zhelyazko

[purplelake]

If she says 3 weeks later, I would say, “actually in this week Im busy,I will be out of city. Are you available four weeks later?”

[SomeguyUK]

I don’t think throwing your toys out of the pram will achieve anything in this situation. This hypothetical girl DID give us a date, and for all we know she has legit reasons for leaving it so long.

[zhelyazko]

Ok, so you would consider it enough buy in to continue the interaction further…

[zhelyazko]

I find it difficult to know when a girl is really interested and when she is just being friendly (when it is not obvious she is into me e.g. touching, leaning on me, her initiating contact with me). Any advice?

[MrAntiquity]

zhel: don’t worry about whether she’s interested or being friendly. A big reason guys screw up all the time (and girls too) is getting obsessed with this. Fact is–you don’t know–and also, friendship–>interest is a spectrum that sometimes changes. I do like the idea of “assuming attraction”. Doesn’t matter whether the assumption is right or not.

As @Someguy said above, the girl DID suggest an alternative. So I like the idea of teasing a bit about it, not getting too invested–and hey–what do you have to lose a few weeks later? Maybe she’ll even bring it up–that happened with a co-worker of mine actually. I suggested a casual after-work drink, she had legitimate reasons, and I thought it was dead. A couple weeks later, she was like “so when are we going for that drink?”

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