Approaching girls you're not attracted to?
September 27, 2014 at 9:04 pm #71644SomeguyUKParticipant
When I am out in Oxford Street in London, and I often see the same guys practising pickup. I’ve even talked to some of them, and I know they just go direct on every girl.
However, I’ve gotta say, a lot of the time they are talking to girls who aren’t really attractive at all. These guys are just running up to everything that moves.
Personally, I only approach girls that are really cute. But that often means I only approach say 5 girls in a day, and only get into personal conversation with a couple. Sometimes it’s more.
However, seeing these guys constantly talking to girls got me thinking. As a beginner, is it worth it to approach these less-attractive girls, just for practice? I am a reasonably good-looking guy and I could probably pick some average looking girls just based on that. But I don’t see what I would learn from it. And I got into this to meet quality girls; I have had more than enough mediocre lays in my time.
Thoughts, anyone?September 27, 2014 at 10:41 pm #71650MrAntiquityParticipant
well, to keep our exchanges going…
I don’t find that approaching people I’m not interested in helps in the least. There’s certain barriers that we put up when we might be attracted to someone that aren’t up otherwise.
I think you get far more out of talking to a few girls a day who you might actually like, then 50 girls a day in order to play a “game”. How much can you get out of a 2 minute banter of no consequence? Ultimately your goal is to date/have sex/get married/have some girlfriends — it’s not to be an approach machine. I think it’s a pretty good bet that these “approach machines” put in a monumental amount of effort to get very little (or often no) action 🙂 There’s some exceptions, but usually…September 28, 2014 at 2:47 am #71655
I’d say talk to everyone. Old people. random people. just everyone. just be more social. So when you go into starbucks talk to the baristas. When you go to the gym ask the people that work there how they are. Talk to old ladies in the supermarket. Just try and get more social in general. This will enhance your state.
Sure you can just talk to those 5 girls a day. Better than nothing. But the more people I can talk to during the day the better I feel. And this is not just people I am pursuing. Just to be chatty is good and great exercise because then you can open any girl and it won’t feel forced at all.September 28, 2014 at 4:27 am #71661
And as far as girls you’re not attracted to– should you pursue them? absolutely not!
And as far as girls you’re not attracted to– should you atleast open them. Absolutely! I probably wouldn’t do it direct though. Girls on the street can be stopped by indirects I do it alot to practice my transitioning/improvisational skills. Learn how to ask a question, complicate a question, transition, and then get more personal. And learn to improvise. Do NOT use the same opener again and again. You can ask about coffee, you can ask about an atm, about where to buy a scarf, sunglasses, the list is limitless. And be good at bullshitting (telling people white lies). This skill needs to be practiced alot to get good at it.
Me> Do you know where a coffeeplace is?
Her> there’s a starbucks down the road
Me> Oh I don’t know if I want starbucks, I’m looking for something more local. [complication]
Her> hmm let me think. [getting her to invest]
Me> where do you usually go for coffee? [transition to a personal conversation]
Her> oh I like x and y across that way.
Me> Cool. btw, do you live here? [now you’re in]
Me> oh ok, I just got here recently. it’s nice to be back I was traveling for awhile. [justifying the personal question]
… and on and onSeptember 28, 2014 at 4:02 pm #71664CartooxParticipant
its always good to be social and do some warm ups on girls, even if you’re not attracted to them. Warm ups have helped me overcome my AA substantially.
That said, going direct onto girls on the street, especially girls that I do not find attractive, is something I prefer not to do. Its hard enough ( for beginners ) to stop moving girls, and if she isn’t somebody I’m attracted to, it feels kind of dishonest and probably shows through in the interaction. Much better to just practice situational/observational openers and get calibrated . Cross walks are a great place to practice since the opener can be indirect and you get to walk in the same direction.
I either use a situational/observational opener or Lee’s “deep thoughts” .September 29, 2014 at 6:27 am #71679SomeguyUKParticipant
Thanks guys. Some solid advice there. I do warm up at the start of the day but maybe I’ll try and do it a bit more. Ryano – I like your example. I have been trying a few transitions like that myself and it’s starting to work.
I don’t really like stopping girls in the street but I try and do it now and then because when I see that knockout girl I want to be prepared. Also I don’t know about you guys, but I find if I see a girl I really like and I don’t approach her, it actually makes my approach anxiety increase again. So I think it’s better to just approach and avoid any kind of regret.October 1, 2014 at 10:09 am #71708CartooxParticipant
@ someguyuk reply #71679
yea, you’re right, I feel a bit sick sometimes when there’s a great chick walking by and I feel too much AA to open her. it feels like I’m regressing or something….
Also, I strongly believe the “3 second rule” is one of the best , in that we approach before too much monkey chatter takes over in our heads….
and that’s going to mean some mediocre or not very interesting girls get opened as well..
no biggie, I just open , consider it part of my warm up drill ( I aim for at least 5 warm ups in a day ) and move on…October 1, 2014 at 1:46 pm #71709
you gotta also see it as a form of entertainment. imagine how boring/depressing life is if you don’t talk to anybody all day, and the only people that talk to you are girls that reject you. That can happen, especially if you all you do is direct all day. (not saying u shouldnt’ do direct, but you should def pepper in some indirects as well for your sanity)
that’s why I throw my indirects on random people everywhere. not even girls i’m interested. it’s fun to basically just mess with people and they get really excited to help you.
remember though, they can never solve your question=) paul janka taught me that personally. and lying/improvising is your best bet too. people are way too “square” these days. saying things that are factual. if u wanna hit on girls, get better and becoming a bullshit artist (not a pua).
here’s a few more examples:
me> scuse me, know where I can find sunglasses?
her> there’s a sunglass hut a block away did you try that one?
me> yeah. but I couldn’t find anything over there that I liked. are there any other ones? [this is a combination of complicating+lying]
her> ooh i dunno i’m a bit new to this area
me> oh cool, me too, where are you from? [this is transitioning due to her throwing me a bone]
me> know where there’s a bookstore around here?
her> there’s a BLABLA over there
me> oh, i’m looking for something bigger… like a barnes and noble maybe? [complication]
her> oh yeah, barnes and noble is in the mall.
me> lemme ask you something, i shouldn’t buy a book for a girl should i? [complication]
her> why not?
me> cause it’s a personal thing.. like maybe a gift card would be better? [complication]
me> what’s the best present you’ve ever gotten? [transition]
the nice thing about these you can do this with just about anyone. they can be a big ugly troll for all you care. but what you’re trying to do is just get better at socializing. and you can create as many hypotheticals or bullshit reasons as you want for talking to them, that’s where the creativity comes in..
sometimes u don’t need to ask a functional question… sometimes you can just “blame it on curisioty”. me in the elevator with a random.
me> oohhh.. what company’s on that floor?
her> oh it’s blabla and sons.
me> oh right, that’s a law agency right?
her> yeah i just balblblblabla
[then elevator stops and they need to go]October 1, 2014 at 2:09 pm #71710
one other thing I forgot..
i’m kind of like you in that I see only 2-3 girls I’m *really* attracted to in a day. but you never know in your entire day when they’re gonna pop up. one might be standing next to you in line. one might be crossing by you on the street. and you only get like a 2-3 second window. so it’s not easy. i’ve found that direct works best in situations like that though, bc atleast it’s honest.October 8, 2014 at 3:46 pm #71771uadialejParticipant
Sure you can just talk to those 5 girls a day. Better than nothing. But the more people I can talk to during the day the better I feel. And this is not just people I am pursuing. Just to be chatty is good and great exercise because then you can open any girl and it won’t feel forced at all.
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