Any thoughts on this?
July 9, 2016 at 4:30 pm #73498
What’s up everyone? Just looking for some thoughts on this.
I met a girl about a month ago. Whenever we talk it is me reaching out to her, but whenever I do she always responds very positively to me. I’ve asked to her hang out twice and both times she was all about it. Considering she is very pretty and independent I don’t want to seem needy by overtexting her or asking her to hangout too much. Therefore I text her sparingly once or twice a week. The last time we hangout was a little over a week ago. It ended in a long make-out session in my truck that I ended, right before I dropped her off. Im probably gonna text her today or tomorrow and secure another date within the next few days.
All this being said, my major concern is that she NEVER reaches out to me. This is confusing to me because she never ignores my texts and always responds positively to them. Like I said both times I suggested we meet up, she was all for it. I figured after that nice make out sesh on date 2 she would text me at some point, but no such luck. Has anyone been in a situation like this?? Any thoughts or suggestions??July 12, 2016 at 2:27 am #73499CartooxParticipant
Not sure about the dynamics of this situation ( not enough background info ) or what you are looking for ( LTR or quick action ) but in general, the effective way is to escalate as quickly as possible….see how far you can go on your next date…..if she stops you then most likely she (1) has another friend with benefits or (2) she’s getting action from dating apps like Tinder ( very common now with women under 30 ) …& so far you’re just extra…either way you’ll find out where you stand quickly …..
have funJuly 12, 2016 at 11:49 am #73500
Appreciate the imput
For a little more background, I met her out one night with my friend. She was with her sister. We hit it off and exchanged numbers. I’m 28, she’s 23 and lives with her parents. On top of that she lives 50+ minutes away from me. Ive been busy pretty much every weekend since I’ve met her, therefore I’ve had to suggest weekday dates. We end up meeting somewhere between where we live. That means I’m at least 25 min from my place. Not ideal in terms of getting her back to my place. Nevertheless, I escalated as far as she would let me on our last date. While making out my hands ventured south two times. Both times she grab my hands and stopped me. She didnt have any problem with me touching her ass, which I did a lot of. We still carried on kissing though after that. Not sure if that was the right move, but felt right at the time. She seems pretty conservative to me so I just figured maybe she doesn’t want to give it up that easily.
I texted her Sunday night and secured a date for this week. Again for me it has to be on a weekday. We both have work very early so I feel having her drive all the way to me on a weeknight(almost an hour) may be too bold a move. Should I feel that way? Either way I figure I have to have her by my place by the following date or I’ve missed my window.
What I’m looking for: I’d definitely like to fool around with her, but she isn’t one of those girls I’d just label bang material and nothing more. She seems like a high value girl. So I’d consider a relationship if it happens to work out that way.
Hopefully this gives more contextJuly 12, 2016 at 4:12 pm #73501Eric DiscoKeymaster
If a girl wants to sleep with you, she’ll figure out a way to do it. I would try to get her to drive over to your place or at least your area on the next date. You want to get her to invest in some way. The more she invests, the more feelings she’ll have for you. And it usually doesn’t hurt for you to try to get her to do as much as possible for you. Make her say no.
I don’t buy the argument that she is ‘conservative.’ In fact, I don’t buy any excuses for why a woman wouldn’t want to hook up with me. It’s possible some of those excuses are valid, like she is a devout Christian. But to me, the excuses don’t matter. I won’t date a girl who won’t sleep with me or see me often enough, so if she has a disease or PTSD or is getting her masters in rocket science and doesn’t have time to see me, I don’t care. Excuses are the same thing to me as her simply telling me, “I don’t like you enough to see you more often or sleep with you.” I respond to it the same way: I pull away and let her feel the dread of losing me. If that’s not enough to get her on board, then I know I simply don’t have enough leverage with her. If a girl wants to be with you, she’ll figure out a way to do it.
EricJuly 12, 2016 at 9:40 pm #73502
All that definitely makes sense. Expecially the part about leverage. Between me and her, I’ve been making most of the effort. I certainly need her to invent more than she has. I’ll see if I can get for to come by my place for the next date. If not I’ll at least know to stop wasting my time on her.July 13, 2016 at 4:04 am #73503CartooxParticipant
Thanks, the details give a better picture…
Eric’s comments just about cover it all..
Just a thought here – Believing a girl is conservative is just that, a belief….if she likes you , she will make an effort to come over ( seeing as she lives at home and may not want to bring a guy over to see her parents ) .
More likely she’s not sure of whether she likes you enough or not, for whatever reason…..
If she’s not prepared to invest some time and a little effort, you know the answer…..
More generally, I believe it’s a guy’s job to approach, open , initiate and escalate.
It’s a girls job to decide how much she is prepared to escalate with him, and its her job to eventually suggest a more permanent relationship, not ours…..July 14, 2016 at 2:04 pm #73504
Thanks for the advice fellas,
Just to give a quick update, I invited her over for dinner and a movie. We never made it past the opening credits before I got her in my bed. We fooled around for quite a while, but she was showing some resistance to sex. I kept casually pushing for more. She kept saying she really wanted to, but didn’t know me well enough and didnt want it to be a one night stand. I know she wants to see me again. I’m confident I’ll be able to seal the deal next time.June 8, 2017 at 11:15 am #73714Marshall74Participant
I know this was some time ago but an update on this would cool to hear. What happened?
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.