Ah–and speaking of Awkward Social Dynamics challenges….

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    Here’s one that hit me awhile back–it’ll sound like a great experience to have but I had no idea what to do. I live here in Barcelona, as I’ve mentioned once or twice–I’m here another year for work.

    SO a few months back I was walking on one of the beaches and saw two really, really cute girls laying on the beach, chatting. The issue–they were both topless. This doesn’t sound like an issue (it sounds fantastic) but I had no idea what to do or say–do you just treat a situation like that like any other approach? Do you just walk on? I mean–you can’t pretend NOT to notice… anyway wondering what you guys would have done or said–I wasn’t sure, so of course I said nothing.


    You’re allowed to notice. You’re always allowed to notice. Every time a woman dresses in a way that is pleasing to men, you’re allowed to notice. The question is, what should you do about it. If you’re of the belief that your openers should make sense and be tailored to the specific situation that you find yourself in, you’re going to try to joke about the fact that they’re topless. I, on the other hand, say the same thing each and every time, so what I would do is this: nothing, or rather nothing different than what I always do. I would point and say “This is a conversation about boys!” This is the same thing I say to every group of women talking to each other. Finding the right thing to say is a trap.



    @ antiquity

    Barcelona – Man, I envy you….Continental Spanish women are some of the most gorgeous looking ….and they are totally ok with men approaching them ….The Spanish women that I’ve met , they like their men to be men….You’re in a good spot there …

    The big picture : Continental European women have been going topless now since at least the 70s. Not just these girls, but probably their mothers too went topless at some point too…so no biggie….just treat them like any other set of girls…
    From your past posts here, seems like you have a pretty good handle on approaching and opening…trust yourself and go with it…

    Some anecdotes
    Back in the mid 90s I had gone to Vienna for biz trip…. My last day there was a fine Saturday in June, first day all week that the weather had been good, and as I’m killing time walking to the river, I see a girl with nothing except flesh colored panties and high heels walking towards me….I thought she was some drunk, but no, totally awake from the way she was striding along.….tits bouncing up and down.
    Then on the river bank itself, loads of families with women, almost all topless, and their children and husbands in tow… enjoying the sunny day..
    They’re cool with it…
    These girls know what they are doing….if they’re topless on a public beach, they are totally cool with it, and so should you be….

    On the beach , the plus is that girls are in a positive mood, more relaxed , and if it’s a pair of girls, its ok to approach and talk to them…I done it often, though I have not had the good fortune to meet topless bathing beauties like you…

    Usual situational or scripted openers –nothing fancy – most of the time I only use 2 openers – either some comment about working on their sun tans…or conversations about guys…..one big plus on the beach is that nobody is in a rush to go anywhere….so you can stop them even if they’re moving and start a conversation there….
    The hardest are the girls who put on shades and fall asleep or look asleep while getting tanned ( burned ) on the beach….

    If you can go to the beach there every weekend, do so, while the weather is still good….after a while you’ll be used to seeing boobs every where and it will be nothing …..:)))



    I am actually going to barcelona for some R&R next week. If you fancy a mini approachanxiety.com meetup, would be cool to swap some stories with you.

    Barcelona is amazing for women – even better than London, I think.


    Finding the right thing to say is a trap.

    So true and simple that we engineers, mathematicians, scientists etc tend to forget so often.


    I think a few of you are misunderstanding me here–the issue wasn’t finding the right thing to say–the issue was really whether to acknowledge topless (and obviously that much more sexualized) girls in exactly the same way, or calling attention to the fact that you find their exposed figure appealing at some point in the conversation.



    That’s a cool idea–I’ll be around and it would be cool to set up a mini forum-meetup. Yup–it’s fun down here 🙂

    Drop me a line at bevenro@yahoo.com and we can figure something out.

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