advice please

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Marshall74 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #73715

    Cartoox
    Participant

    Hi Guys , need some advice

    Early January I met this girl at a friend’s lounge….we seemed to hit it off , but I sensed she’s a player as well, very good at flirting with men….towards the end I gave it up and left her alone, without taking her number….

    Sometime end April I run into her on the street, it’s a Friday night, and somehow we seem to have the connection between us still, so I ask her straight away to follow me to my favorite bar….then I took her to another venue , physically and verbally escalated some more, as we left the 2nd venue I screwed up…..she said she wanted to go home ( she was jetlagged after a long overseas trip ) , so I agree to go over to her part of town…..on the street, we are escalating to the point where she had her tongue down my throat, crotch pressed up against mine and seriously pushing into me….at the last moment, she breaks it off, and jumps into a cab…..

    So I left it at that, thinking I would never see her again…..and I still had not exchanged numbers with her……

    Fast forward to last night ( Saturday night ) I’m at the same friend’s lounge , and she suddenly shows up, wearing a nice summer dress ….and joking , “I know you come here on Saturday nights, so I came along”…….at this point I suppose I was rather conflicted, having invited another girl to join me at the lounge that night….and when she showed up the last minute frustration from the previous encounter kind of closed my mind off to her…..i was unable to really flirt back with her, and when my guest girl showed up, focused on escalating guest girl instead…
    I escalate guest girl up to a point, where she hints we should take it further , maybe move to the toilets….but some how I couldn’t make that move either , still thinking about girl 1 – who had moved to the dance floor to be away from me and my guest girl…

    Through the night she comes close physically a couple of times, dancing near me, but never verbally hinting at anything…

    Finally she leaves , and seemed very put off and abrupt as she said goodbye…..

    So the confusion in my mind is this :
    Should I just ignore her , and somehow expect to meet her again thru random serendipity ? or should I ask my lounge friend to forward me her number and then message her ….? And what should I message her anyway…..?

    I know this is strange, considering I meet many wonderful women, but for some reason this one gets under my skin…….

    Any input would be nice… thanks guys …..!

    #73716

    Eric Disco
    Keymaster

    Wait it out. You pushed a little hard the second time you hung out with her. She ran off without giving you contact info. That says something. You raised your value a lot by getting seen out with another woman, particularly if that woman was attractive. You are now in a good position to rekindle things if you see her again. She’s probably regretting not getting your contact info now that she’s seen you with another woman.

    You would lose value if you got her number or email through your mutual friend and contacted her. There’s not much you could say that wouldn’t come across as try-hard, particularly since she left without giving you her contact info the first time.

    Another option could be to ask your mutual friend to invite both of you out or to let you know when she’ll be coming out. But that could easily bite you in the ass if he says something like, “Cartoox really wanted to see you.” Then you are dead in the water. So I would only do that if you really trusted him or knew he was really socially savvy.

    Eric

    #73717

    Cartoox
    Participant

    Hey Eric

    Thanks a lot for the reply….your advice is spot-on as always…..i shall do as you say, wait it out……

    when i first met her, i felt she was playing a bit too much of a game and i deliberately did not take her number, to demonstrate i was willing to walk away despite the strong attraction….So it makes sense to keep up with that dynamic….

    the guest girl was fairly attractive as well….so that worked out ok…

    my lounge friend – not sure, but he’s never been very socially savvy so i wouldn’t bet on it…..

    I shall keep the forum up dated on any developments related to this one..

    thanks again for the great advice !

    #73718

    Marshall74
    Participant

    Hey cartoox,
    Glad you posted this. As im reading i learned somthing. Its very easy to lose value to these very attractive girls.
    I definately underestimate this.

    The fact that you wanted to contact her is somthing i could picture myself wanting to do as well.
    Somthing i feel when getting the idea of not losing value through over communicated i start to feel as if im walking on eggshells around them.
    Just out of a relationship with a high value hotty and i felt the same way at times.
    You ever feel this? Eric?

    #73719

    Marshall74
    Participant

    Btw this girl im reffering to was often in conflict and somewhat bitchy. Progressed over time.

    Cartoox i dont mean to seem like im hijacking your thread. The idea of percieved value i think is a topic i need work on.

    #73720

    Cartoox
    Participant

    Hey Marshall,
    good to hear from you
    All sharing of experiences is welcome, we learn from it all….

    most of us have moments of weakness, a residual of our social programming….particularly when it involves someone we have developed some level of attraction to….

    Its good to have this forum to air the issue out and get our heads put right again if we’re moving towards the wrong path…

    the idea of perceived value in a relationship – you might want to check out Sangremala’s post from a couple of years back, i think its called ” what to do ” & has brilliant input and insight from Lee…..

    #73721

    Marshall74
    Participant

    Ill take a loom. Thanks

    #73722

    Marshall74
    Participant

    That would be “take a look”^

    Annnd i started reading it and i couldnt finish it was to painful because ive done the same shit and it sucked LOL.
    I get the just of what is happening but hard to do.

    #73723

    Marshall74
    Participant

    Cartoox I actually got a bit of revenge on a dishonest girl before. Blatenly dishonest.
    However while getting revenge i actually helped out a situation for the better so it wasnt so shitty.
    Has anyone ever gotten revenge on an ex before?

    #73724

    Eric Disco
    Keymaster

    There’s inhibition to be dealt with at all levels of the game, from the approach, all the way into relationships. I experience inhibition texting, going out on dates, making moves on women. Even weeks into the relationship you can feel inhibited, particularly if you don’t have leverage. The less power you feel like you have in the relationship, the more inhibited you’ll act. The more you like her, the more inhibited you are likely to feel.

    Once you’re with a girl, the inhibition for me typically takes the form of, “I don’t know what to do here.” What is my next move? Almost any move can seem wrong when she’s hot. The more you think about what you *should* be doing, the more likely you are to freeze up.

    In those situations, I ask myself a very simple question: What would I do right now if I were alone? The idea is that you want to focus on yourself and treat her as an add-on to your life. That’s the way she wants to be treated. She doesn’t want to be focused on. She doesn’t want you to dote over her. She’s attracted to you because you live your life the way you want to live it and let her into it.

    Eric

    #73727

    Cartoox
    Participant

    Eric – that is a genius insight ! yes, that was exactly it…..I felt inhibited, mostly because I like this girl more than usual…..
    Ironically, the inhibition and Frozen ness caused me to pretty much ignore her the whole night and remain unreactive to her attempts to restart the flirting…

    Thanks again !

    @ marshall –she hasn’t been mean to me in any way so this isn’t that kind of situation….its more her programming taking over at the last moment… and now my fear making me inhibited and frozen….when a woman is genuinely mean to me, which is rare ( I’m talking about women with whom I have some sort of relationship already, not those who blow me out when I open them – we all have those…) ….I prefer to focus my energies on finding the next one……while its not always easy to find someone you have a natural chemistry with, there are a lot of really nice , good looking girls out there…..

    #73728

    Marshall74
    Participant

    Thanks cartoox, intersting thread. The girl im reffering to was definately the bitchy princess, high maintnence type that nothing was ever good enough. But man she was smoking. Lol

    #73729

    Marshall74
    Participant

    I just reread through that “what to do thread” dang if i could have read back through that 4 months ago. I hope its up for a while because that thread is priceless in many ways. Watching it unfold.
    Its crazy how we get caught up in the relationship and forget that stuff.

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