Reply To: Terrible Fear of Getting Into Trouble Again?

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You have to address these fears on several levels.

First, on a purely practical level, how do you think that complaint against you would read? Talking to strangers is not illegal. It’s what many people want when they decide to go to a public place such as a bookstore, bar, or cafe. Those who don’t want it have the right to ask you to stop, but unless you are threatening them, either physically or verbally, you are not legally obligated to do so. You may be asked to leave a place of business for violating a rule – for example, by making unwanted noise – but if that rule is selectively enforced, those businesses are leaving themselves open to a serious lawsuit, which is why the vast majority of public businesses would not ask you to leave, even if they don’t like what you’re doing. So relax. You have every right to talk to girls, even girls who don’t want you to talk to them, and no one has the right to stop you. You can choose to leave if asked, but don’t make the mistake of thinking you did something wrong.

Now, let’s think about this on a purely psychological level, because that’s where the real problem lies. The real problem is that you don’t think you have the right to flirt with girls who don’t like you. You have the mistaken belief that you have the right to flirt only with the girls who like you. Most people are incompatible, which is why most of us go through so many romantic partners before finding the right one. Most girls will not like you. Yet study after study shows that women want men who are interested in them to come over and say hello. This is part of the game. Most girls are willing to sacrifice a little privacy for the potential of meeting the man who’s right for them. Take them up on it. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. You’re just doing what most women say they want you to do. If, after the fact, they decide they don’t like you, it’s kinda like deciding they don’t like the lottery ticket they actually bought. That’s their problem, not yours.