Reply To: girl did not want to meet after sex.

[The_Hurricane]

I was hesitant to answer this post because first date game is such a personal thing. You can’t just do a personality switch on the first date. Your personality has to be consistent with the image that you’ve been projecting when you meet women.

That having been said, the problems you’ve described – pushing for sex, getting it, and then getting no follow up – is symptomatic of low value game. There are many women out there looking for validation, and when you chase them – when you make them feel sexy by showing a lot of interest, both sexually and otherwise – you increase the chances of getting them into bed even as you decrease their perception of your value.

For a man, what’s a healthy attitude about a woman you just met, an attitude that she would expect from the most desirable men? The answer is skepticism. The most desirable men are always a little skeptical that the women they meet are good enough for them. It takes a lot of evidence and quite a bit of time for them to arrive at the conclusion that a particular woman is good enough for them.

Many men don’t understand this skepticism because they don’t really have a set of criteria – other than physical beauty – by which they judge women to be valuable. If that is you – if all you care about is how pretty she is – then it will be harder for you to reverse the power dynamic, to get her to start chasing you. Your whole game will depend on how valuable you are – your stories, your body language, your looks, etc.

Instead of spending your first date making her feel good about herself, you should figure out a way to get across to her how valuable you are. One way is not to push for sex on the first date. You have plenty of sex and, while you like it, you don’t desperately need more. That’s the image you should be projecting. You should not be afraid to touch her or to talk about inappropriate subjects, but it shouldn’t feel to her like that’s the only thing on your mind, like you don’t get enough of that. It’s much more powerful when you are the one who ends a kiss, or, better yet, when you can get one any time but don’t wind up abusing that privilege. Another way you can show your value is by being the one to end the date.

You have even more leverage to project value if you’re attracted to women for more than just their looks. You can start asking questions about books they’ve read, movies they’ve seen, places they’ve travelled, and so on. Don’t be afraid to make them a little uncomfortable that they may not meet your standards. That’s exactly what you want. Your high standards will increase their attraction to you. That’s the kind of behavior they expect from the most desirable men.

Finally, there are little things you can do that help reverse the power dynamic. For example, when you end a date suddenly, you will often get the question, “Are we going to see each other again?” For most men, the temptation to say yes is overwhelming, but that is exactly why doing the opposite has such power. You can say “That depends. I’m going to go home and take out a big yellow pad. I’m going to draw a line down the middle and write all of the good things about you on one side and all of the bad things about you on the other. Then I’m just going to count and if the list of good things is longer than the list of bad things, yeah, sure, we can hang again. (Pause) But you should do the same.” At that point, she shouldn’t really be able to tell if you’re kidding or not, but just the very idea that you haven’t made up your mind about her is going to scramble her brain, and the more attractive she is, the better it works.

Until that more intimate date – ideally, the second or third – resist the temptation to relieve her uncertainty about your interest. You will probably lose some girls as you calibrate this attitude, but you will have better second and third dates, and you won’t have so many women disappearing after intimacy.

–Lee