Reply To: After disappearing (advice)

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Thanks again, Eric.

Now that I think about it, I never should’ve met up with her on the night I snapped. She initiated the meeting, only after flaking on me that afternoon.

She had also cut off our previous three dates shortly (you guessed it, right after we’d bang) — without telling me in advance.

Instead of being patient, and only showing her as much affection as she deserved, I tried to force things. Aside from becoming emotionally invested in her, I became emotionally invested in achieving a label. I became results-dependent.

This approach was a complete 360 from what I had been doing in the fall… and it showed.

The freefall, however, really began at the bar.

I knew that ignoring her was the right thing to do. I could see her out of the corner of my eye, giving me anxious glances one second, desperately trying to flirt with a few of my fraternity brothers the next.

I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t have the discipline to stick with it.

The moment I fell for her ambush outside the bathroom, I opened myself up to all her overblown tantrums… and more.

I spilled out my own insecurities about our relationship — stuff that she’d later abuse 100%.

Our argument that night turned me into a mess. She initiated our “talks” and coffee date the following week… but my inability to disappear allowed everything afterward to be on her terms.