Reply To: Approval Seeking and Desperation

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Eric Disco

Some typical signs of approval-seeking:

– A lot of questions
– Answering positively to everything she says
– Giving approval for stupid things. “You’re from Maine? That’s awesome!”
– Saying a lot of approval-seeking words like ‘Wow!’ ‘Cool!’ ‘That’s awesome!’
– Complimenting
– Smiling too much
– Asking her opinion before presenting yours. i.e. instead of, “I hated that move,” you ask her what she thought of the movie.
– Agreeing with her too much

Once you are aware of some of this stuff you can begin to eliminate it.

For example, never say, “Wow!” or “Cool!” Get used to nodding your head and saying, “Hmmm…” or “Interesting” When she does do something that deserves approval, like showing you some of her personal work or telling you that she got a Phd, then you give her full approval and tell her why you like it. “That’s impressive. Not many people can even get their master’s.

You also want to truly qualify and challenge her. Have some questions prepared about things that truly interest you. Go deep. “What was the last good book you read?” When she names a book, don’t just say, “Awesome!” Ask her what she liked about it or what she came away with.

Neediness is a little different than approval-seeking. They are related and often go together but neediness is, in essence, a need to know how if she still likes you. It is doing things to check whether she still feels positively toward you. This can mean a lot of texting, asking how she feels, checking in with her too much, being too available, etc.

The solution to this is to come up with a texting/contact scheme that works and stick with it. Experiment with what works. Pay especially close attention to how you act those times when you feel non-needy. Write that down and use the same thing with other women. That is essentially what game is about, learning what works with women.