Reply To: The Mindset

[ryano]

@MrAntiquity that “trying to find a way in” mentality is pretty much suicide for your dating life. i can tell that you’ve clung to that, I did for the longest time too. But it doesn’t work at all. Women see the man as being weak when he does that and just don’t want to have anything to do with a situation like that.

As far as indirect/direct. I think it’s an important topic. It’s actually the crux of the whole matter. Basically showing your intent/not showing your intent. Alot of guys struggle with this so I think it’s a worthwhile discussion.

As far as your point with the “i think you’re cute line” being indirect, i COMPLETELY agree. guys, especially the london based guys say that like a script. in a way is sounds indirect. The guy needs to say exactly what he feels to the girl.. and really say what’s on his mind. he needs to be ok with whatever he says, he needs to be ok with not being perfect. or even saying something that doesn’t sound clever. even if it’s a comment about her shirt or whatever. when u say that whole “i thought i’d be kicking myself…” crap, it’s like you need to say a line you heard on the internet because you’re not okay with just coming out with your own way of talking.

@SomeguyUK Absolutely. That intentional vulnerability as you call it is really the only way. mark manson in his book models talks alot about this. he has a section called ‘vulnerability and showing desire’ in it he argues that being vulnerable is what causes attraction in the first place. it’s like that woody allen movie vicky cristina barcelona where the guy is completely relaxed and just lets them know crystal clear what he’s about. that always works a gazillion times better than hiding behind what you want.

as far as what you said about your friend, i want to say that direct does take a bit of time to develop. you can’t just run around going direct for a day and expect women to fall all over you. you need to do it again and again to essentially desensitize you from anxiety. when you have ZERO anxiety, kind of like the guy in the above clip that’s when the girls find you interesting.. and quite frankly when i approach girls it’s moreso like this guy because i’m so unaffected by them cause i’ve seen this play out so many times. when you feel like you’re “bored” with it, that’s when it works the best=). keep doing it. i know you’re almost there. you’ll be killing it if you just keep hammering away at this. no doubt about it.