Reply To: The Mindset

[ryano]

yeah, I agree with that. I think disappointment is what got me to this mindset, experiencing it again and again to the point of desensitization which could not have happened on its own.

Disappointment in the fact that flakes/rejections and shattered hopes just happened to me again and again from a whole host of girls due to a whole host of reasons. And it was unstoppable and the only thing that was holding me back was me “caring” about it and I’d mull it over and just waste precious time. Whereas now I know that it’s useless to do that. And girls will forever have their bullshit. The more I stopped worrying about other people’s behaviors the more results I got because my mind was free to just take action as opposed to worrying about things I couldn’t change.

For example when I was a newbie. I’d see a girl in the mall, in the store. And I’d go inside my head back and forth about what to say/how to say/when to say, etc. I’d beat myself up for like a half hour just watching her from the side. And when I’d finally get the nerve to go up to her she’d casually say “oh sorry, I have a bf” and to turn round on her heel like she could care less that I made the effort. That got me thinking “well why DID I make an effort? why DID I spend a half hour thinking about this.” so I kept reducing the amount of time I spent thinking about girls I approached. To the point where I didn’t think about them AT ALL. And ironically, that’s what got me better results. Not only due to efficiency of me not wasting time, but because the girl realized that I truly didn’t care about her (esp. when I don’t know what the situation of a complete stranger is). Nowadays I just flat out ask the girl if she’s single. I don’t waste time at all and I definitely don’t want to engage them in conversation. It’s a waste of my time esp on an unproven target.

Or I’d make plans with a girl and get super excited over it only for her to back out at the last minute. This happened again and again to the point where I didn’t notice it anymore. Or I’d just say to the girl casually “no problem, let’s talk tomorrow.” and then we did.. bc she noticed that I didn’t make a big deal out of it. Whereas in the past I’d be furious with her. Same with a girl not returning my texts, or things like that. I stopped holding it against them. I just decided that they’re all like that.

I realized that people’s priorities was a part of nature and I figured out that ALL people are like that. Not just girls. My friends too. That mindset expanded towards everyone I came in contact with, my colleagues, my bosses. Everyone. Myself as well. I saw my actions fitting this model too. I’m no better. Then I realized we’re all just a copy of each other. And the moment you truly understand that we’re all the same is the moment you become alot more comfortable around people. But yeah.. like you said, you gotta go through many many people to see these patterns.